whats changed? help/advice please(11 Posts)
Hi all, I'm new here and desperate for some advice. My 12 week old DS has always been a great sleeper at night, settles back well after feeds and started going thru (ie from 7-8pm until 4-5am quick feed then back till 7am) on his own at about 9 weeks. However the last 4 nights he iswaking for feeds at 10-11pm, 1-2am then as above at 4am only then up earlier at say 6am and is hellish in the day too. Feeds are eratic (am fully BFing and hes always been frequent every 2-3 hrs but ok with this) and will not settle without a huge battle of screams and constant rocking and swaying for at least 45mins, every nap and bedtime. I assume hes overtired but despite desperately looking for cues to start trying to get him to sleep on time I must miss them! I would love to be able to put him down to settle himself and think this is what hes now not doing at night but I have no idea whats changed? I feel so depsperate. I am a single mum and honestly dont think I could handle letting him cry it out. Hes not ill, and nothing at home has altered. Where have I gone wrong? Is it because I have always rocked him to sleep that its suddenly gone pear shaped?
Allgonepetetong... first off... i don't think you've done anything wrong so stop beating yourself up about it
DS started getting more unsettled around 4 months... he was teething! First teeth came through when he was just 4.5 months old, nothing since except for lots of biting.
I'm also a 'guilty' mum who rocks her kids to sleep (well not dd anymore she's 3.4y . I did it with dd because she would never settle on her own even with controlled crying. DS (8m) settles much more quickly when rocked so hey why not!
IMHO whatever you feel is best for you and your child is best for you and your child iykwim There are so many books out there with so many different approaches that I found it quite dauting depending on which book I read I was still doing something wrong.
Can't give advice if it's anything to do with bf as I didn't last long.
Best of luck with ds, it might just be a phase.
And don't you just hate that phrase
I've been advised that erratic wakings at night are from hunger so you got to feed them, and same-time wakings are a habit so you got to break it. My ds woke every night at about 3am until I realised it was about the same time every night. After which I used a dummy to get him back to sleep, he just needed oral stimulation. If it's a growth spurt, you feed him that night but try to feed him more/ for longer if bf during the next day. This worked a treat for my ds, who didn't sleep for longer than 3 hours for the first 3 months, until I found out the idea of erratic wakings being for hunger. I know there's nothing worse than being woken every 2 or 3 hours - sleep deprivation is a form of torture !
As for rocking, well you've got to wean him off being rocked to sleep gently. I use the same routine for naps as bed time. Ds always gets put in sleeping bag, given a dummy, read a story then given his fluffy teddy. These are essential clues for him, if I rush it or miss one out, he's awake again in 10 mins.
Hope this helps
Growth spurt? They're quite common at this stage. I would feed as much as poss during evening and just before you go to bed and then whenever he wakes. It will get better, must seem desperate now, but it will change again. Huge sympathy (make that empathy as I'm just about to have my second ;)). My personal view on sleep habits is that it does, in the longer term, help them to get into a routine of being able to settle on their own - BUT your ds is still young. The way I started with my dd, when she was about the same age, was letting her settle herself with me nearby for her daytime naps, when she was less frantic (sort of 'grumbly', but not screaming) It was hard, but I found that she would grumble away for about ten minutes and then fall asleep. Then transferred this to night time sleeps. She's a great sleeper now, but say that with fingers crossed. Would also really recommend sleep 'cues' - we play dd bedtime music (still, at 19 months), and also have a Miriam Stoppard Light and Sound box which we turn on at night if she wakes (coloured lights and soothing sounds that lasts about ten minutes) Means that even if we have to go into her we don't have to spend ages settling her. But, again, your ds is only little, and also I don't think the sleep thing is ever completely solved - they get better, then they get ill or start teething and they're back to being unsettled. Sorry if thats waffly and good luck x
thanks all for the replies. I am trying with a routine at bedtime and will do it for naps times also but theres no way he seems ready to settle himself to sleep. He howls if I put him down even vauguely awake. It really scares me that I've set up a bad habit and I'm sooo jealous of mums who describe putting their babies down awake and they just drop off. Shall i just keep trying to put him down when sleepy even if he cries?
Don't think the other mums are doing better than you - they have different babies. My ds was like this, but my dd (12 weeks) is totally different.
On another thread Alux (do a search) had a similar problem to you and found setting up sleep cues (eg a musical mobile) really helped her ds get to sleep by himself. I also agree that 12 weeks is prime time for a growth spurt.
Feels so desperate tonight. Today he has screamed to the point of puking everytime he needed a nap and then wont nap for longer then 20mins when I eventually get him off. I hate seeing him so upset and feel totoally frazzled. have cotemplated calling CRYSIS tonight for someadvice. Will he do this forever? I darent take him out in case he gets tired and does this when we're in public as would be even harder. I watch him like a hawk for sleepy cues but he goes into meltdown before the second yawn and even if i catch him at the first yawn dont know what to do to avert it as he wont get to sleep easily. Dont know ho much more I can take
I know the rocking him off to sleep is creating a bad habit but cant get him to sleep any other way.....vicious circle. Its the screaming at the point of tiredness that is so upsetting. he squirms and sqeals as if in pain then jerks his head like he's fitting. Someone said its just him winding down but it seems very violent to me. I wondered about cranial osteopathy? is it just for babies who had forceps birth? I had a great delivery, very non traumatic water birth.
Haven't tried it myself, but know people who say it really helped. Why not give it a go? I know dd was always really noisy just before she went to sleep, no one could ever believe it when I said she's be asleep in a few mins, but not quite as what you're describing.
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