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Can someone tell me how to co-sleep with newborn and husband?

(17 Posts)
ejbab Thu 28-May-09 04:19:19

I've been co-sleeping with DD since she was born three weeks ago, but as we've only got a standard double DH has been sleeping in the other room on the sofa bed.
However, it'd be nice to have him back in the fold so to speak, so can anyone tell me how they do it? At the moment I sleep in the middle of the bed with DD in the crook of my arm. I switch sides depending on which boob is being used. Because we're new to this I also have a rolled up blanket to keep her on her side when she's feeding and a pillow behind my back to give me a bit of support.
So my question is - how do we keep this up without having a buy a super kingsize bed, which isn't going to happen!
Also, I'm not sure I trust DH 100% to not roll on top of DD in the night, so would prefer not to put her in between us. So I was thinking about getting a side safety thingy, but then what happens when I have to switch sides to feed her? I can't master feeding from both boobs lying on the same size yet....
Sorry to ramble, any ideas would be gratefully received.

Bucharest Thu 28-May-09 06:38:59

No concrete ideas for how to make it work tbh, as my dp soon took himself off to the spare room where he stayed...it worked better for all of us, in that he wasn't scared of rolling on top of her, and didn't keep me awake with his snoring....Tbh, I wouldn't want him back....actually sleeping with one's handsome swain I find very over-rated grin

aGalChangedHerName Thu 28-May-09 06:42:28

Same here Bucharest lol. DH just slept in a spare bed in our room for the duration. I felt it was safer than him poss rolling onto any of the dc's. I didn't mind at all tbh. We all slept better.

Tambajam Thu 28-May-09 07:02:00

I'm afraid all my solutions revolve around being able to feed from both sides without switching her over. It's not easy for all boob shapes, I know. I used a safety thingy on the outside and baby was there.

stainesmassif Thu 28-May-09 08:49:36

dh has been in the spare room - or we have - for the last 5 months. easier for all, he gets a full night's sleep envy - i hate him - but we have nice cuddles every evening and morning. and i don't have to worry about disturbing him in the night. it's not forever.

ijustwant8hours Thu 28-May-09 14:26:16

dh went to spare room with ds. for dd i have a bedside cot - cheaper than a new bed. dh still ends up in spare room when ds joins us and is in a fidgetty mood.

my preferred option would be to ditch the bed and just have a massive mattress / two matresses

twinklingfairy Thu 28-May-09 20:51:39

I did the bed guard, same side feeding lark for 6 months wih DS.
Have now doctored DDs old cot and have a bedside cot thing, it is so much more comfortable.
Though I am awful for keeping him in the crook of my arm just cos I like him there.

pushmepullyou Thu 28-May-09 20:55:13

When I've got DD on the middle of the bed boob I wake DH and get him to roll on to his side so that he is facing us. That way if he rolls onto his back then he will roll away from DD rather than towards her.

snigger Thu 28-May-09 21:01:50

We had a cot with one side removed (but DD slept in my bed, it just gave her safe rolling room, and me peace of mind) - I'd advocate practicing the same side feeding, it takes a while, but well worth it. Say you're on your left side, feed there, then slide into 'running man' position on the bed and right boob to baby - it took me a while, as I say, but wow, the difference! More sleep, less stress about floundering DH.

Best of luck.

MoominMymbleandMy Thu 28-May-09 21:05:55

I'd recommend reading Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson for all co-sleeping questions.

We have co-slept with two babies now, without evicting the DH. When they were tiny they slept tucked in the crook of my arm, or his arm.

When they were bigger they slept in between us (not at the same time as there's quite an age gap).

But there are various practicalities to consider so I really would try to get hold of the Jackson book.

I would also recomend Three in a Bed, I have co-slept with both my children, often literally, without dp ever having to sleep in the spare room (unless a child was ill, then he would take ds into the other bed).

We only have a standard size double and I fed both of mine lying down and swapping sides, it really can be done and you don't need special sleepers, side cots or a bigger bed unless you want them.

thell Thu 28-May-09 21:26:03

Yup, we did the bedside-cot arrangement too (clingy DD didn't actually lie on it, but it gave extra arm space for me and protected her from falling anywhere) and feeding from same side. To feed from right breast on left side I just scoot back an inch then lean forward. I must admit at three weeks we probably weren't in the swing of easy night-time feeding - DD used to root around and not find the nipple right in front of her! and I slept with a nightlight on so I could see what I was doing for about a week! It will take time to settle, but you'll get there.

Eventually we moved the cot to her own room, where we put her to bed in the evening and used a guard on our bed where she spent the second half of the night.

Just remembered!! We had a King Size Duvet even with a normal double, so I used to flatten that down in the middle of the bed and put DD on top of it when she was small. That way we both had plenty of duvet either side (no danger of pinging her off!), but it acted as a sort of natural barrier for DH. That helped a bit.
Also, DH put his pillow overlapping his bedside table so he could lie a bit further away at a bit of a diagonal!

When she got bigger I didn't worry about her being in the middle so much, but it became a squeeze because she would sleep sprawled out, taking up as much space as DH does, leaving me with about 3 inches hmm

In the end though we bought a King Size bed, and a single bed for DD in her room when she was about 18months, so if need be I could sleep with her in that.

I remember feeling nervous about the whole thing, and frustrated that no-one could give me the simple, cure-all formula for how to safely fit three people in a bed made for two (lots of matresses on the floor would have been fine with me, but not DH) - but it turns out everyone just wings it grin

thell Thu 28-May-09 21:27:51

Oh yes, Three In A Bed is fab.

ejbab Fri 29-May-09 03:40:05

Thanks for all those ideas. Think the best thing to do will be keep DH out of the bed for a while longer, at least til I learn how to do one sided-two boob feeding.Can barely manage normal feeding but I expect we'll get there eventually.
And will def have a look at Three in a Bed too.

dan39 Mon 01-Jun-09 20:40:46

Just to add to above, I co-sleep with dd who is 15 weeks (today!) and had similar concerns. What we do now is, I have a bedguard, I keep her on that side (as closer to DH/between us would worry me re her getting buried in the duvet) and altho i can now do both boobs from one side (same techniques as thell) this is a recent skill so before that what worked was swopping ends of the bed - I kept a pillow at each end and swopped us both round for the next feed - it's less hassle than it sounds. She was therefore effectively always on the outside? Also a benefit of this is that there tends to be more room for each of us (me and DH that is) if we top and tail - as legs take up less room than torseo's....and we are still together in the same bed.

Geocentric Wed 03-Jun-09 12:21:06

We co-slept a lot with my DC1 and what we would do is leave a good-sized gap between our pillows (as you naturally keep inside your 'pillow space' when sleeping, so no worry about rolling on top on the baby) and put Ds in the middle - head protected by the 'valley' between pillows iyswim. Also then he didn't overheat with the duvet, although he was kept warm by our body heat.

bagpuss Wed 03-Jun-09 12:24:49

We had a bedside crib for ds2 which worked rather well, we also only had a standard double bed but adding the crib on the side gave us the extra room we needed.

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