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I CANT face controlled crying. HELP! please

(21 Posts)
dejags Mon 02-May-05 19:52:32

DS2 is 8 months old and cannot stay asleep without his dummy.

I hear you all saying take it away. The thing is I just can't bring myself to do it. He is such a happy baby, never asks for anything and is happy to watch the world go by, always deferring to his much more demanding older brother.

He wakes anywhere between 3 to 10 times a night. DH and I share the getting up - all that is required is to stick the dummy back in and he goes back to sleep.

Is there any other solution to this problem? Or do I just have to wait for him to outgrow it and if so when will that be?


dejags Mon 02-May-05 19:53:26

oh he doesn't have the dummy when awake, unless he is tired or hungry i.e. while I am making up his tea or running his bath.

Heathcliffscathy Mon 02-May-05 19:53:35

what happens if you don't put it back in and don't go to him...have you tried just waiting 5 or 10 mins???? he might surprise you?

angelp Mon 02-May-05 19:55:07

Some people say put loads of dummie in hi cot so he is sure to find one himself!

dejags Mon 02-May-05 19:55:38

I am doing this as we speak. I have tried it before and he just ends up screaming the house down . I don't have any problem with cc per se, but I just feel guilty doing it to my little guy as if somehow I am letting down because he doesn't have 100% of my attention in the day.

dejags Mon 02-May-05 19:56:57

he has only just got the hang of putting the dummy back in when he is awake. I doubt he could do it in the middle of the night - maybe this will be the turning point.

He is crying now and I feel awful

Heathcliffscathy Mon 02-May-05 19:58:29

all i know is that i hated the thought of cc, but one lunchtime, i just let ds cry...and he did for nearly 40 mins

but then he went back to sleep, and i never had to do that saved my life and made his a lot easier too, it was as if he just needed to understand that he could fall back to sleep himself, and it would be alright and he would wake up rested...

i know that many people will think me intolerably cruel, but i was losing my sanity, ds was waking every hour to hour and a half and none of us was getting any sleep, i'd tried pupd and no avail, it had just wound him up beyond belief.

try to remember that you're not making him cry, he is crying as much out of frustration as he probably wants to go to sleep as anything else...

dejags Mon 02-May-05 20:01:20

Oh sophable I totally agree with you. I don't think cc is bad. I did it with DS1 and it really worked well.

I just feel really awful for this little chap because he is so sweet and easy going. It's almost his one and only vice. I feel like a bad mum not letting him have just this one.

But on the other hand I am starting to get really tired. The constant broken nights are taking their toll.

Heathcliffscathy Mon 02-May-05 20:04:49

i know what you torn between 'have got to do something i'm going nuts' and 'i'm evil and cruel to even think about doing anything other than having hiim in bed with me/standing ready to reinsert dummy at all times with no complaint.'

is he still crying?

have you got a big glass of wine on hand?

Seona1973 Mon 02-May-05 20:05:25

here is a link to a topic on the babywhisperer website which talks about gradually weaning off of the dummy. The BW doesnt believe in controlled crying so that wouldnt be an issue here either.

Seona1973 Mon 02-May-05 20:06:42

here is a link to a topic on the babywhisperer website which talks about gradually weaning off of the dummy. The BW doesnt believe in controlled crying so that wouldnt be an issue here either.

Heathcliffscathy Mon 02-May-05 20:08:56

seona, she advises as soon as baby rejects dummy, not to put it back in mouth. also she advocates a method of pick up put down which sounds fab in theory and i'm sure works for some, but sent ds absolutely apoplectic with rage: 'what? you're in my room? you're picking me up? but then you're putting me down again raaaahhhhhhhhhhh'

Seona1973 Mon 02-May-05 20:13:48

if you read the link I gave it is a gradual weaning process that is given, which was suggested by the BW after a consult with the women and her child.

dejags Mon 02-May-05 20:17:04

thanks Seona, will have a look.

No he isn't soph, I gave in and put the dummy back in.

DH and I have talked and devised a plan:

I'll try to take my time going in - at the moment as soon as he makes a noise in the night I go in.

I am going to get a dummy holder and pin his dummy to his sleeping bag. I'll try to get him used to putting it back in himself in the day.

Next friday, I am going to try controlled crying in earnest. I am making a note of how often he wakes tonight, this should make interesting reading tomorrow??

dejags Mon 02-May-05 20:17:59

oh, the reason for starting cc on friday is that I cant face a really broken night and then having to work tomorrow.

Heathcliffscathy Mon 02-May-05 20:34:08

you (and he) will get matter what you do: hold onto that, and in the meantime, dh advises that you treat yourselves to a really nice bottle of wine

heishardwork Mon 02-May-05 20:48:26

my ds is the same with the awakenings, and i just let him cry it out now, after nights of trying to settle himwith c/c and pupd, last night it was 1hr 20mins and at 10.30 he slept til 6am, never before (and never again i anticipate!)

he had a dummy and because of the crying it out he has kinda forgotten about it for night, although i give it o him in the day for soothing.

Tessiebear Mon 02-May-05 21:03:09

We had to face this too - and i kept on getting up in the night (up to 10 times) until DS was 2.5. Beleive me - the longer you leave it the worse it will be - be brave and do it now - it will be prehaps a couple of bad nights.( took us 2 weeks)

dejags Wed 04-May-05 18:26:02

Sorry I haven't posted again, things have been really busy.

We noted the times of DS's wakings on Monday night - he woke seven times 6 times before 11pm then one at 2am and then he slept through until just before 7.

We held out with the dummy for longer than we normally would and on two of the wakings he resettled himself within a few minutes without us going in.

I was all steeled up to start controlled crying on Friday but now he has a streaming cold. He can barely suck his dummy because he is so bunged up. So let's hope he clears up before Friday.

Heathcliffscathy Wed 04-May-05 18:47:53

dejags...that's fantastic news about resettling himself...that's a light at the end of the tunnel if ever i saw one! hope he gets better soon...

Smee Thu 05-May-05 10:35:24

Aw, poor you. My DS is now 11 months and we went through all that. I was so tired I couldn't walk straight - especially as my other half works away all week so I was doing it solo.

Don't know if it helps at all, but if you decide to stick with the dummy, I'd say you're close to being out of the woods. We found that by 9 months our little one could find another dummy in the night. I nearly tried weaning, but he's teething, so I couldn't bring myself to do it to him. Anyway, we now put three in his cot by his favourite teddy. He knows they're there and only has to reach for them. Quite often I hear him grumbling as he tries to grab one, but mostly now he does it himself.

Net result of all of this is that I only usually have to get up to him once in the night - I feel like a new woman! Hope you get there too - am sure you will.

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