How do you handle having-a-newborn degree of exhaustion? because I don't feel I'm coping at all just now

[phdlife]

dd is 24 days (I think) and mostly doing fine. Usually she only wakes to bf, then straight back into her cot, but a couple of times a week she bfs, goes into cot, whinges, and then stays awake. For an hour. Or two.

I've tried sitting quietly with her in bfing chair but am frankly terrified of falling asleep and dropping her or suffocating her.

I've tried bringing her into bed with me but (a) she doesn't go back to sleep any quicker, and (b) I'm not feeling at all comfortable with co-sleeping in this bed.

I've tried sitting up watching tv to keep me awake but it's so awful at 3am and I'm so fecking tired that I find myself getting irrationally annoyed with dd for keeping me awake at that hour

Not getting much sleep during the day either - she has an uncanny knack for knowing when ds is asleep, then waking herself up. She never wants to be put down (it's a sure-fire way to wake her up, no matter how soundly asleep) and I'm getting resentful of that too - even though I know it passes.

I haven't been waking dh to sit with her when she's awake as he seems so dozy when he does wake up, I'm even more scared of him dropping/suffocating her than I am of myself.

But when I'm this tired I get depressed (not to mention ridiculously crabby and impatient with everyone else, so unfair to dh and 2yo ds) and am feeling vv anxious/miserable about dh going back to work on Monday. Even though we've been desperate for him to get a job and I should be happy for him/us.

Am I missing something? How do you get your head round being this knackered? Or how do you get through the days?

[emkana]

What I did:

put dh into guest bedroom for a while, so that there was a large clear space in our bed where our baby could sleep without me having to worry about her/him.

Then I could doze/sleep even if baby was lying next to me awake.

[phdlife]

thanks em. dd's a real grizzler though, unless being held, and I find it more torturous to be constantly jerked out of half-sleep, than to just give up and accept that we are awake now.

[gomez]

Why do you need to sit with her when she is awake? If she is fed and not whinging leave her in cot/crib whatever and she will drop off when ready. Or have I miss understood?

[smallorange]

Co-sleeping was the only way I got through it - I too moved DP on to sofa and DD2 slept with me for a while.
It meant I could half sleep/doze and BF at night and still be able to function the next day.

[chosenone]

have you just had a growth spurt at 3 weeks too? you're probaby drained. I had a bedside cot, £60 off e bay best buy ever, BF half asleep and kept her on breast or popped dummy in to keep her quiet.

How about a sling for the not wanting to be put down? as you know it passes and I'd love to be doing the lil baby bit again , perhaps stop trying to do a lot other can cuddling up and watching telly/reading with DS. Take care

[MrsMattie]

I didn't get through very well, to be quite honest! My first child wasn't the best of sleepers, and i supposed quite naturally wanted me all the time when he was awake - couldn't be left sitting smilingly in his bouncer chair or anything like that (I've since had a very chilled out little baby who sleeps well - very different experience, and you learn a lot about how naturally different babies temperaments are...).

To be honest, I found the sleep deprivation crushing. It really affected my life for many months. In retrospect, I think the things I would have done differently would have been:

Get a sling. A nice cosy wrap sling worked well when I had my second child, actually. It calmed her down, made her more inclined to sleep, and if I nodded off sitting in an armchair, she was still pretty much safe.

Drop everything the minute your baby does sleep and rest, even if you can't sleep, just lie down, shut your eyes and rest. I'm assuming this is your first baby? You can do that when you have only got the one, so do.

Related to that point, make yourself your number one priority after your baby. Forget the house, the list of things to be done etc. When you aren't attending to your baby's needs, attend to your own in the same caring way. Long warm baths, a massage if your DH will oblige/you can afford it to pay for it, cat naps whenever you can, nice nutritious food and eventually some exercise and fresh air. it sounds really basic, but the better you look after yourself, the more of a fighting chance you've got of coping with the tiredness.

If nothing else, just tell yourself mantra-stylee that this, too, shall pass.

[gomez]

sorry x-post she is not happily in cot/crib then.

Not sure there is a solution to be honest.

Does the cot/crib swing? With DD2 and DS1 we tied a tie to the crib and would lie in bed gently rocking it. If we fell asleep then a quick grizzle would wake us up and of we would go again. I am sure was doing it in my sleep.

[PacificDogwood]

God, I remember this stage, it's horrible.

I used to sit in bed well supported by hundreds of pillows with DS3 in my arms either him BFing and me asleep or both of us asleep.
DH was kicked out relocated into spare bed (in DS1 and2's bedroom, hihi) to allow us more space.
It all became much more manageable at @ 6 weeks when DS3 got the knack of BFing whilst both of us lying down and just sort of fell off the boob when full like a satisfied leech and stayed asleep for a while.
I gave up trying to put him down because the instant wailing was just soul-destroying for me.
Oh yes, and co-sleeping, what a life saver!!

[smallorange]

I found going out to the park etc was a really good way of overcoming exhaustion. It might sound contradictory but fresh air and a change of scene did us all good.

It meant DD1 got a good run about and DD2 had things to look at and could sleep. Take a picnic weather permitting and a slask of coffee, chocolate, whatever and try to look after yourself.

I get depressed in the house and find that to be the best thing.

[smallorange]

Sorry didn't mean getting depressed in house is the best thing.

have lost brain cells

[phdlife]

lol smallorange

co-sleeping saved my skin with ds but am not liking it so much this time - have fallen asleep myself a few times while she's feeding, waking up later with her still on her side, cheek on boob. scared of her overheating/suffocating, sleeping that close.

just wish I wasn't so /crabby when tired...

[gardeningmum05]

i totally agree with smallorange, get yourself outside. i find , even now, youngest 15 months, it very depressing to be in the house all day, not to mention lonely.
just getting outside in the garden cheers me up.
why not wrap baby up well and put in a baby chair or pushchair and all of you go in the garden.
with so many things to see and listen to, should keep baby stimulated, and you can sit and chill hopefully. your son will love it too.
really hope this helps