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Is anyone out there PRO controlled crying please????

80 replies

gd1976 · 09/04/2009 15:39

I have been advised by my HV to do controlled crying. My 6 mth old wakes every 45 mins sometimes more, somtimes less in the night. Having spent weeks ruling out all the usual things- hunger, cold, hot, dirty nappy, wind etc. we think he just wants us to go in and put the dummy in. He often sleeps without a dummy but in the night if we go into him when he starts crying and put the dummy in he goes straight back to sleep.
I would like to try controlled crying, but having done some research on mumsnet it seems everyone is very against this and seems to think it will have a lasting pyscological effect!
I would be grateful for some advice...

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louii · 09/04/2009 15:48

Your health visitor should not be advising you to do controlled crying on a 6 month old, don't think its recommended for babies younger than a year.

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itchyandscratchy · 09/04/2009 15:48

If you want to do it and you're pretty sure it's the way to go, then I'd read about it in a pro-cc book or something.

What you'll get here is a range of arguments, although probably the majority will be anti-cc: imho this is for a good reason though. I've read about the lasting effects and I can't comment on whether they are reasonable... my big argument against it is that it just feels wrong and goes against my instincts.

But I'm pretty sure some people will be able to help you. I hope you get some sleep soon; I know how desperate lack of sleep makes you feel

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BecauseImWoeufit · 09/04/2009 15:49

We did this for exactly the same reasons.

I bought a book called "How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" (sorry, can't remember who wrote it) and it was my absolute salvation.

It explained about sleep, how it works, and gave a very detailed programme to deal with it, which involved leaving the child for very short periods of time, gradually lengthening them.

We started doing this on Thursday night and by Sunday DS1 slept through. The longest he was left to cry was 7 1/2 minutes.

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mrsrawlinson · 09/04/2009 15:53

It worked for me. DTs (now 6) sleep brilliantly now.

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Bettymum · 09/04/2009 15:55

My SIL had the same problem, at about the same age, I think, and even took her DS to the paediatrician to have him checked out. He said there was nothing wrong with their DS and to do the controlled crying thing at night as the only reason he kept crying was because he liked them rushing in to give him cuddles. First night was diffcult but IIRC it took 3 nights for their DS to be sleeping through, and he had been waking and crying several times a night prior to that which wasn't doing him or them any good. So it worked very well for them...But what works for one baby may not work for another so it's a toughie.

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BecauseImWoeufit · 09/04/2009 15:56

here's the book I had, although I note there's a later edition

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gd1976 · 09/04/2009 16:05

Thank you all, will follow your recommendations up.

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gd1976 · 09/04/2009 16:09

Do you know what the timings of the Ferber method are? ie how long you leave your child each time?

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gd1976 · 09/04/2009 16:11

Ps. I am only going down this route as I'm desperate and ended up collapsing at work due to low blood pressure last week which was put down to exhaustion (all very embarrassing!!!)

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Bettymum · 09/04/2009 16:19

You collapsing with exhaustion won't do your DS any good .
At our postnatal class on sleep, I think the recommended wait was 5 minutes. What you are trying to do is reassure your DS that you are still there for him, but to leave the gaps between checking on him long enough to let him get the message that it's nighttimme and time to sleep.

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BecauseImWoeufit · 09/04/2009 16:24

I think Ferber starts with 5 minutes - but as it was some 17 years ago, not really sure!

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BecauseImWoeufit · 09/04/2009 16:25

I seriously recommend that you buy the book (or any other that's about CC) so that you make sure you understand what you're trying to do and how to do it.

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CoteDAzur · 09/04/2009 16:29

We had this and ended up taking away DD's dummies altogether, day and night. We had a tough night or two but then she slept through.

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2HotCrossBunsAnd1InTheOven · 09/04/2009 16:49

This also has worked for us although we sort did our own version. Like most parenting issues it will only work if you are happy to follow this approach and it's not against your own instincts. It's tough to hear them crying but if I was sure there was nothing wrong with either of my 2 then it was hard luck, time to go to sleep!!

My younger one was a bugger (around 8-9months) - he'd wake, cry, stop the minute the nursery door was opened, settle without a cuddle etc, watch me/DH leave and just as the door was closing start howling again! My DH did sit with him til he went to sleep a fair few times until we decided it was time to stop the nonsense. It really only took a few nights and he got the message pretty quickly. I do believe that each baby has to find their own way to get to sleep by themselves. DS1 struggled with this from day 1 and we "trained" him quite early. DS2 was really easy until he suddenly started wanting some company at night as mentionned above. Both (2 this weekend and nearly 4) are excellent sleepers.

Good luck with wahtever you decide to do - hope you get some sleep soon!

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bippyhippy · 10/04/2009 15:04

Ok. I'm not pro controlled crying or anti!

but take a look at this link www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1728755,00.html

it may help you decide what to do...

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. x

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bippyhippy · 10/04/2009 15:05

And one more thing - check this site out for the dummy problem - www.sleepytot.com.

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Mooseheart · 10/04/2009 15:09

Dh and I used it to get both dds to sleep through the night. It worked. It wasn't like leaving them to 'cry it out' - we went in regularly and soothed them. It was tough at the time, but it worked very quickly. My babies were much happier once they were well rested and sleeping through.

So yes, you could say I'm very pro cc!

(Runs and hides)

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notnowbernard · 10/04/2009 15:11

I'm not pro or anti CC

HOWEVER

Did it with dd1 at 6m (advised by HV - didn't have MN then!) and she slept through on night 5 or 6 and very well ever since

Dit it with dd2 at 8m - NO CHANCE. She just yelled her head off, it had absolutely zero impact and left us all more sleep deprived and wired than before starting it

So, IME, it isn't always the saviour it's made out to be

Good luck with whatever you choose to do

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madrush · 10/04/2009 15:21

We did the leave it a bit longer each time before you go in version of cc, starting at 2 mins. (I say we when I really mean my fab dh who took over because I was too pathetic to hear her cry AT ALL!) For dd1 at 9 months we were at it on and off for 1.5 hr first night then she slept through. Second night 45 mins, ever since she's been no trouble at all.

I do think you probably get one shot at it, make sure child is well, happy, well fed, definitely tired etc so you can't weaken at a crucial moment and stop.

We felt we had no choice but to go for it, DD1 hadn't been a good sleeper from birth, we were both working f/t and just too tired to function. Our lives once we started getting normal nights of sleep were dramatically improved and our relationship too!

For DD2 we've always had this approach from when she was tiny and she's never messed about with going to sleep.

Good luck, don't forget your whole family deserves to sleep. I personally think having tired and ill parents is likely to be more of an issue for your baby's long term well being than a bit of crying for a few nights.

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lovelymama · 10/04/2009 15:22

You must do CC properly otherwise it won't work. It's worth spending £7 or so on the Richard Ferber book someone recommended and reading it properly otherwise doing CC is cruel and not fair on DC. If you do it according to the advice then it should work quickly and in the long term, is less cruel than having your baby wake up every 45 mins because he doesn't know how to get back to sleep without your help.

Good luck and be consistent otherwise it's a waste of time!

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ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 10/04/2009 22:02

I just tried it tonight for the first time (properly). DS is 6.5mo, usually a great sleeper, I knew he was really tired so gave it a go. 5 mins crying and I went and shushed him, next 5 mins he started crying more intermittently and was asleep by the end of it. I was ok with it, as I've got him off to sleep crying in the car or pram before, and it hasn't done him any harm....

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Sooty7 · 10/04/2009 22:27

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FAQinglovely · 10/04/2009 22:37

I've copied this and pasted from when I posted about it ages ago

"I did this with DS1 when he was 6 months old. He was a TERRIBLE sleeper before then. Once he fell asleep - you couldn't move him - or he'd wake up and you'd have to start all overa gain, and the ONLY places he would fall asleep were

A) in the pushchair (being pushed around of course)

B) attached to the breast.

At nights he was sleeping in bed with us (not at all planned LOL) - and once he went to bed I had to go to bed as it was the only way to keep him even vaguely settled. He'd wake up hourly and feed for about 1hr - so I was feeling like cr*p.

When we moved to our new rented house when he was 6 months old we took the plunge.

I did CC as my HV advised..........

Put him down in his cot - on his own (with reassurance - but without looking directly at his face - just patting him while lying down) then walk out.

She said to stand there outside the door for 2 minutes (while they screamed of course lol) then go back in - reassure again - without picking up or direct eye contact.

Then leave the room go downstairs and put the kettle on and make a coffee. - That will take about 5 minutes - go back upstairs and repeat reassurance.

Go back downstairs and drink the coffee/tea.....about 10 minutes...repeate reassurance.

Go back downstairs and crack open the wine (yes honestly that's what my HV advised - and I did) - it helps ease some of the guilt and make it easier for you - as it's not easy listening to them - after 20 minutes return and reassure........repeat ad nauseum every 20 minutes until baby is asleep........

Repeat as nessecary during the night. BUT don't go rushing in the moment they make a noise - leave them 2 minutes first of all.

For the first few days the HV advised to try not to let him sleep too much in the day (to compensate for lack of sleep from his crying during the night) - and to use the technique for his naps too.....amazingly after the first night he settled well for his naps.

Well it was a bl**dy MIRACLE. OK yes - first night it was 2hrs and 52 minutes from first being put in his cot - but he finally went to sleep. He stirred once in the night....I crawled wearily out of bed and waited at the door - 30 seconds later he'd settled himself again. And slept the entire night!

The following night only took 30 minutes, then the night after that 10 minutes (with no waking during the night once he was asleep!). The 10 minutes lasted for 2/3 weeks (and by the end of week one I just left him for the full 10 minutes rather than doing the 2,5, 10 minute thing). Then suddenly he stopped - and it was 2 seconds of crying as I walked out the door of his room and then he settled.

It was a godsend. From hour long feeds every hour during the night, and a baby that wouldn't go to sleep unless he was attached to my breast (literally) to a baby that slept through........AND he suddenly became a happier baby - he laughed and smiled more than ever before because he wasn't so tired.

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angelene · 10/04/2009 22:38

I did it with DD at 6 months, took 1 night for her to settle herself and 4 nights to stop waking in the night (she was feeding herself to sleep). It took a bit longer in the night because the first night she was sick (NOT from crying, because she had had fish for the first time which didn't agree with her).

I went in after 5, 10, 15 minutes on the first night, then the plan was to go in after 10, 15, 20 on the second, but she was asleep before ten minutes.

Tips - turn the baby monitor off (so it sounds quieter and less traumatic), don't introduce new foods.

Like Sooty, it has really not done DD any harm at all, she is a very bright, happy girl who is extremely confident and comfortable going to sleep in her own place. Good luck

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Shitemum · 10/04/2009 22:52

Havent read whole thread but agree with BecauseImWoeufit Thu 09-Apr-09 15:49:53

I have that book too and did CC at 3mo. My experience was very similar to hers and I'm sure as anyone can be that it has caused no damage to DD1, now 5.7yo. She has slept like a dream since we did CC. (And fwiw was bfed to the age of 21mo)

DD2, now 2.7yo, is another story and I wish I'd done CC with her when she was younger. But I think the success of CC depends a bit on the character of the child too...
It's much harder to do CC once you have a peacefully sleeping older sibling in the little one's room...

Don't ask for anyone's opinion of CC, just do it and be kind but firm with yourself. If your DP doesnt agree with CC ask him to go out every night for a week and do it by yourself. And use a watch with a second hand or the stopwatch function on your mobile...
Good luck.

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