Moved into 'big bed' now lots of problems!(31 Posts)
ARRGHHH, where do I start?!? Today is definitely a 'pull your hair out day' and I need your help!
My ds is 21mo and has been quite a good sleeper (compared to alot of babes I read about on here!) and sleeps through 5/7 nights a week loves his bedtime routine and was happy to go into his cot as long as it followed pretty much the same sort of pattern.
Well on Good Friday we decided it was time to move him into a 'first bed' (an ikea one lent to us by a friend) so we had the long weekend for any night movements etc. We put our old stair gate on his door. Well he only woke twice the first night and then pretty much sleeps through. The problem we have is putting him down, day or night. We follow the same routine we did for his cot, books before bed, cuddles in the chair with quiet songs and then into the big bed. This is when NO NO NO starts being shouted and archy backs etc. etc. He has been going through his new found 'choice' freedom by saying 'no' about 100 times a day for the last month or so. But we are finding this particularly challenging as there are no bars to keep him trapped in! He just gets out comes to the gate and rattles it calling for us. We go in, put him back, say it's time for sleep, leave, and it repeats over and over again (about 5-8 times). We then end up staying with him till he calms and drops off holding our hand (some of the time.. really don't want a new habit to form!).
What's going on?!? I read some previous 'big bed' threads and they all say this could be a phase, but it's been two weeks now. It's just taken me 1hr to settle him now (lunchtime) when it used to take me 15mins or so in his cot..(bliss). How do you get them to stay in their bed, or atleast stop battling with you and lie down? ARRGH! I've seen the 'put them back in their bed each time they get up' on tv, but they make it look so easy and it usually only takes a few goes...
my ds has a routine himself that involves him getting on the bed. He has to switch off his lamp which is on the wall. Then he sits on his bed while i read a story to him. It is something we started in the bed and cos he has to stand on the bed to turn wall lamp off he seems to be ok with it...sorry if its not much help. Also in the first week he knew how to get out I used to sit in his room ignoring him till he went to sleep.
Hi Nemo, thanks for replying! Yes, I do think we need to rethink the routine, but it's hard knowing what to change it to.. We still read his bed books in our room and then move into his room for a cuddle afterwards. If he were to do anything like turn off a switch he'd just start to get excited. But then again, having said that, it might be something that gives him that 'grown-up' independence he's so obviously craving. Reading books in a single bed would be much easier than this 'first' bed. Is your ds in a full sized bed? How old is he? Thanks for the advice.
I was just reading Vicki Iovine's toddler book, lent to me recently, and it talks about cats vs beds. She mentions that sometimes your child might crave the security and comfort that cots bring (with their familiar bedding, feel etc), esp after a busy day of "growing up"...
Perhaps bring out the cot again for a while? Your ds might not be quite ready yet - mine wasn't until well over 2.5 and now she stays in it all the time, and doesn't even get out of it in the morning - still waits for me to "get her up"!!
Hi catbert, you know my mum asked why I'd decided to do this now when he was so happy in his cot, but I just felt he was getting too big for it. He didn't even attempt to climb out of it, he was very good really. Is it ok to do that? I thought if we did we may just have the same problem again in a few months? Baby no. 2 is now in the pipeline so I thought it was for the best, but maybe we could have waited another couple of months..
He is happy once he is asleep, and only wakes occasionally in the night for a real reason. The main problem is putting him down and also, he no longer plays for a further 20-30mins after waking like he used to in his cot. He just gets up and walks to the gate and calls for us. So when he woke at 6:15 this morning there was nothing to do but get up with him, whereas in the cot he would have played till near 7am (again.. bliss..!)
I think it would indeed be fine to bring the cot out again - just to "see" if he settles better... Then, you have to remember that with every month that passes, HUGE mental and physical development is taking place, so that making the move into a "big boys" bed a few months down the line will be a different scenario altogether - in fact, when they get just that bit older, you can start tempting them with that phrase - "big boys bed" and quite often that's all it takes to get them to make the move (and if they feel like they are making the decision themselves, then all the better...)
yes..... will talk to dh about this one. thx.
interesting reading! My son is already 3 years 4 months and is still in his cot......is this really bad??? I've been thinking about making the move, and as his Ikea cot will convert into a small bed it shouldn't be too traumatic - but I've just been putting it off and putting it off....do you think there's any problem with us being so late with this change? Also he shares the room with his younger (crazy) brother (20 months) who also has a cot, and I'm worried that once the older boy has a bed he can 'escape' from then the younger will follow suit..... any advice?!
My ds went to his big bed for 2 weeks, and then decided he wanted to go in his cot as he didn't trust himself not to play with his toys (his explanation).
Then he went back to the bed when his grandparents were here (to impress them) and then back to cot when they went home (upset at them leaving)
Then into a bed for weekends away, but practically hugs his cot upon returning.
I just think, why make life difficult for everyone. If he wants his bed he gets one chance only. If he gets out he gets put into his cot.
My ds was the same. He is now 5 but when at 26 months he was toilet trained and still in his cot I felt it was time to move him in to a bed as taking him out of bed to the toilet at night and first thing in the morning was easier than getting him out the cot or so I thought. He was upset for almost 3 weeks going to bed at night. I also had a stair gate on his bedroom door incase he got out of bed during the night and fell down the stairs. Needless to say myself and dp let him go back to his cot as he was soooo upset, and he was very happy. I left the big bed next to his cot and he would play in the big bed in the morning climbing in and out he, done this for a few months and then when he was just over 21/2 he decided he wanted to sleep in the big bed and it went from there, within the next 2 days dp had dismantled the cot so there was no going back!
Personally I think 21 months, is quite early, and I wouldn't move him unless he's started tryingto climb out. Dd was in her cot until 3, and the move was straitghtforward, she didn't even realise she could come out by herself for the first couple of months and would call me in the morning to go and fetch her!!
I would wait if I were you, you're not pregnant yet (if I'm not wrong) so there's no need to push it, and he might be happier to go when he's older!
Thanks for this post. I was starting to ask around about when to move ds from his cot to his bed and still didnt get a straight answer because toddlers are all so different.
At 21 months ds is still happily in his cot. Im going to leave him for as long as possible i think. Like some of the other posters have said, if it aint broke, why fix it?
Sorry, thinking out loud....
Hi all, thanks so much for the replies. PC problems today and have only just managed to check!
We too thought, why change when he's so happy in his cot, but baby no.2 is on it's way (I'm 10wks) and his current cot is a bit smaller than most as his bedroom is the 'box room' and he is a big boy. There's not really enough space to leave both the new 'first bed' and the cot in the room. I did feel it was early but knowing how long things take with children I didn't want to leave it until I was 5/6months pg before making the move.
As we've moved forward with the bed, and we don't have the option of leaving the cot also in his room, we're going to keep at it. Last night and today I've just sat in his room whilst he's 'thrown' himself about the bed going no no no and he's settled down within 10 mins. I then go over and hold his hand (he wouldn't even touch it before this point or contemplate me being near the bed) and he goes quiet and is off to sleep quite quickly (still holding my hand, but we'll move away from that another day!). I think he's also in an over-tired cycle at the moment as it's been taking so long to go down and we've not started the night routine any earlier.
Fingers crossed he'll go the way locket's dd did! BUT my advice to anyone thinking about moving their dd/ds to a big bed is WAIT UNTIL THEY START CLIMBING OUT or litterally can't fit in it anymore. Thanks again.
PS. Any other stories/experiences still welcome!
My DS, 20 months moved into his big boy bed on thursday night. The past two nights its been 10 pm before he went to sleep he's normally sleeping by 7pm. I think it's just the novelty of freedom keeping him up, but what i do is put a douuble duvet on the floor with some toys. once he tires homself out he falls asleep on the duvet and i just lift him into bed, where he sleeps for the rest of the night. Might be an idea to let him have the freedom and let him tire himself out rather than putting him back to bed. Hope this helps
Why the rush to get a baby into a bed? If it's not broke why fix it? I'd say if a child is happy in their cot keep 'em in it.
Sorry 99 - just read the thread properly and see you have reasons. Mind you, with a little one (ie less than 2/1/2 I'd still suggest buying a cheap Ikea cot for baby no2 if baby no1 is happy in their cot.
Thanks all for the further advice.
Believe me, Aloha, I wish we'd left it another couple of months!
Actually, things are getting better. The putting him back to bed, quietly and calmly, not angrily, each time he gets up when settling for the night seems to be getting through to him. I was in there for 20mins tonight with four 'put backs'. Definite progress. However, the day naps are still a battle ground. But if we've seen progress at night hopefully we'll start to see the same in the day. Off to buy a ThomasTTE bed set tomorrow. Hopefully this will help!
Thanks again all.
PS. Also started both the nap time and night time routines 30mins earlier to account for the 'resistence' which has worked, as he's settling around his usual time again now, whereas when we first started all of this he just started to go down later and later and got into that over-tired cycle which is so hard to get back on track. So advice for anyone else in this situation is to make a real effort to start the wind-downs much earlier
[listen to me giving out advice on my own thread!! ]
My son is almost 22 months but there is no way I'd try a bed until he climbs out of his one or gets physically too big. I can't see what the rush is
There wasn't a rush really except he threw himself out the cot! plus i bought a spongebob squarepants duvet set and he was so excited. He loves it and tonight he was in bed for 9!!! which is a big improvement.
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