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plse help, having a nightmare with 18month old who suddenly won't let me leave room at night

(29 Posts)
icedbun Thu 07-Apr-05 10:50:59

Hi all, am new here and really hope you can help. For the past eleven nights my little girl, aged 18months has been awful to settle at night. Am six months pregnant and finding it v difficult. She won't even let me put her in her cot without going hysterical. She may be teething but have given calpol etc but i end up staying with her for two hours until she settles (have to let her go to sleep on me then put her down, then seh wakes up, starts screaming etc. Normally she goes third time of putting down but am so tired.She won't have hubbie only me. Can't leave door open as we have cats. Any suggestions? an desperate! tia x

hayleylou Thu 07-Apr-05 10:54:42

I have just been through this with my ds who is 2yrs. For me I had to sit with him until he fell asleep and then leave the room. This lasted 2 months and then all of a sudden he went back to normal. It will get better but may take a while

99redballoons Thu 07-Apr-05 14:05:42

Yes, agree, it [hopefully] will be a phase. My ds did this around 18mo, but we soon got back into our old routine after a few weeks (he's now 21mo). In the end I left him for about 5-10mins upset and when I returned he was ready for another cuddle (obviously!) and settled in our old way. He too had been ill or something and I let him have the benefit of the doubt for while and just tried to cope with it. But they are old enough at that age to know that you mean business and if you did decide to leave her for a few mins, say, now it's time to go to sleep, if you don't settle mummy will leave the room. I usually say this twice and then leave the second time and don't go back in for a few mins (he's crying) and then when I return he's happy to settle. Sorry, not the best advice, but all I can offer! HTH.

[just reread and I've repeated myself - sorry]

icedbun Thu 07-Apr-05 14:39:13

thanks just grateful for any clue! when i leave her and go back in she stops crying but then goes mental again if i try and even approach the cot - argh. x

99redballoons Thu 07-Apr-05 14:46:07

how about going in, saying soothing words, if needed, and sitting in a chair or discrete cushion on the floor? Maybe she just needs the reassurance of your presence. Also, remember no eye contact or much talking at all. Ds still goes through these phases after sickness and it takes a few nights of me holding his hand, then sitting next to him, then standing by the door, then shhhing just outside the door, and then we're back to normal me straight out the door! If it's just presence she's after then you'll definitely be able to do the 'gradual removal' without too much effort on your part.

PS, hope everything goes well with no.2! I'm just 10wks (with no.2) and finding it hard work!

icedbun Thu 07-Apr-05 15:00:08

thanks, will do the cushion thing on the floor tonight. Congrats on number two,t he first twelve weeks i found the hardest but what really helped was sneaking back to bed when number one was having her afternoon nap! x

99redballoons Thu 07-Apr-05 15:42:32

yes, trying to do that! Let us know how you get on tonight. x

icedbun Fri 08-Apr-05 12:33:58

update, well tried sending my hubbie up last night and staying out of her bedtime routine altogether, seh seemed calmer but it took him an hour to settle her, then she woke up a couple of hours later when he was out and i had to go up there, took another hour to settle her. Tried leaving the door open but did'nt work and putting a new music mobile on, will keep persevering , hope you all well x

99redballoons Fri 08-Apr-05 17:05:08

Hi icedbun, sorry to hear it was another bad night. I took some of my own advice and sat in a chair whilst ds calmed down last night (have this thread going at the moment) and things were a bit better. We leave his door open about a foot with no hall light on, just the natural glow from the street lights through the hall window. He seems to like this. Is she in an over-tired cycle like my ds? This makes it five times as hard... Sorry no further advice today except to try and stick with one new thing that you've introduced, eg. either the door or the mobile, as too much may just confuse her.. but I could be talking cr*p though...

icedbun Sat 09-Apr-05 10:59:04

sorry to hear you're having such a rough time and hope last night was better, my little one took three quarters of hour to settle with her dad (hurrah!) but then woke up screaming blue murder at half two argh took her into bed with us for half an hour then put her back and she was fine. PS on your little one's bed thing, think i remember reading somewhere that someone let theirchild choose 'new bedding' for their big bed but don't know if he too youn gto do this? x

Bouj Sat 09-Apr-05 12:05:48

Also agree that it's a phase. ds is still at the end of this phase (2 years next week) and his way out, if you like, is 'cuddle mummy's arm' where I put my arm in the cot to comfort him for a while. I just had a laparoscopy, so can't pick him up - which made me offer my arm! He tends to cuddle my hand for a while, and then accept a teddy's arm to cuddle...

ediemay Sat 09-Apr-05 12:11:04

I don't know if this would help but we went through a similar phase and I got a new nightlight for DS, which did the trick. He seemed to get very upset if he woke during the night and it was all dark. Hope you get a good sleep soon.

icedbun Sat 09-Apr-05 12:48:17

thanks for that ediemay and bouj, am trying to find a better nightlight as think that may help too, can u recommend one? the one we have at the moment is just an ordinary plug in but it's a bit crap as is still v dark, just feel so helpless and sorry for her bless her x

99redballoons Sat 09-Apr-05 15:10:36

Thanks icedbun, still battling away with ds, but atleast I think we're making some progress. Like bouj suggestd my ds is very happy gripping one of my fingers, he seems to need something in his hand (same in car seat) to drop off. Then I move in an animal's arm into his grasp and can leave the room. It's so hard, isn't it?!? x

PS.will look into the bedding, think he may still be a bit young, but anything's worth a go!

ediemay Sun 10-Apr-05 00:22:42

I found all the nightlights a bit dim (tripped over and whacked my ankle with the first one, it was so dark!) in the end went for 2 from Ikea with a rabbit on them and they are in 2 corners of his room.

icedbun Sun 10-Apr-05 19:36:49

i know what you mean about the nightlights! just been to ikea and bought a glowy yellow moon one, hope this does the trick! dh is up there with her now on sleep duty, took me an hour and half last night so hope he gets it down sooner! x

99redballoons Sun 10-Apr-05 22:21:34

Hi icedbun, sorry to hear things are still hard work. We've started to make some progress at night which is good. We've started both nap and bedtime routines 30mins earlier to account for how long it's taking ds to settle. This seems to have helped alot as he's been falling off to sleep around the time he normally would even with all the fuss he's making, rather than getting really tired and going down later and later. It was easy to do over the weekend as we were all home and could eat earlier, but it will be hard tomorrow and I may have to eat with ds at 5:30pm before dh gets home at 6pm, atleast until things improve. HTH

icedbun Mon 11-Apr-05 15:18:28

hi glad things sounds as if they're goig better, that's a really good idea, will try that one tonight - at least it gives us a bit of our eveing hopefully. Just gone out and bought a new lighter grobag in case she's hot so willt ry that tonight. Moon light was nightmare, seh just wanted to play even more argh! going to get some more blackout material for her curtains to try and see if that helps too. Am so stressed just eating loads of choccy, don't know about u!! already put on about 22 lbs thsi pregnancy eek!

99redballoons Tue 12-Apr-05 09:01:31

me too re: the choccy! lol

Another tip I got off MN when my ds was tiny was to buy some of that sicky velcro, not the sew on stuff. Cut the blackout material to fit inside against the window exactly. Put one half of the sticky velcro to the material all round the edges and the other half on the glass or frame (make sure you match them up correctly!). You can then put the blind right up against the glass and no light should come through. No sewing required!

I haven't tried it myself [yet] but think I may have to if things don't improve....

icedbun Wed 13-Apr-05 12:37:50

ooh will try that one, had some bizaare success last night, only took me half hour to get her down. Tried theusual putting her in cot etc, she starts screaming etc. Then took her into our bedroom wtih curtains closed in her grobag, lay on the bed with her, lying next to her not talking or touching her, until she calmed down then just picked her up and put her in her cot and she was fine. She'll probably kick off tonight and get wise to it but was so relieved. Someone also gave me some notes from Dr Richard Ferbers' solving your child's sleep problems, he does a 'kind' version of controlled crying and gives egs of people's problems. Some of them fit my dd to a t. Will give it another couple of weeks and get some better blackout material then will try the cc as long as i know it's not her teeth. x

ragtaggle Wed 13-Apr-05 13:03:11

Hi icedbun. Sorry to hear about your problems Just to say that my dd is also eighteen months and started doing this a few weeks ago after previously having been very good at settling on her own. (She had just recovered from a very bad bout of teething)

We did three things some of which you are already trying but they've worked for us so I thought I might as well share them.

1. Got a nightlight with a dimmer on it that fades to black on a timer. I leave it on really dim so that she can just make out shapes - ie: I am there. Do you think your moon light is too bright perhaps?

2. I then sat by the bed just murmuring sshh and 'it's okay' to her - keeping things very calm
but not picking her up

3, I gave her a teddy to cuddle when she was asking me for a 'duddle' over and over again(She has always refused them until now but really took to it and now has one in bed with her every night )

4. Put classic FM on low - smooth classics at seven - she seems to find this soothing!

Hope this helps - i am also pregnant (four months) with my second. You're not in north London are you?

ragtaggle Wed 13-Apr-05 13:05:40

Did I say three things? It looks like it was four! And I meant to say that this strategy took a week but she's now great at going to bed. I kiss her, put her down, she says 'night night' and I leave. Bliss!

ragtaggle Wed 13-Apr-05 13:05:58

Hi icedbun. Sorry to hear about your problems Just to say that my dd is also eighteen months and started doing this a few weeks ago after previously having been very good at settling on her own. (She had just recovered from a very bad bout of teething)

We did three things some of which you are already trying but they've worked for us so I thought I might as well share them.

1. Got a nightlight with a dimmer on it that fades to black on a timer. I leave it on really dim so that she can just make out shapes - ie: I am there. Do you think your moon light is too bright perhaps?

2. I then sat by the bed just murmuring sshh and 'it's okay' to her - keeping things very calm
but not picking her up

3, I gave her a teddy to cuddle when she was asking me for a 'duddle' over and over again(She has always refused them until now but really took to it and now has one in bed with her every night )

4. Put classic FM on low - smooth classics at seven - she seems to find this soothing!

Hope this helps - i am also pregnant (four months) with my second. You're not in north London are you?

99redballoons Wed 13-Apr-05 13:39:15

hi ragtaggle, I'm in NW London! near Harrow.

Icedbum, Looking back on things I remember talking on this thread and thinking I wonder if my ds will go through this phase when he's 18mo and I now remember that he did! There are also so many other threads or comments about 17-19month olds changing their sleep pattern it must be a developmental thing.

She was a good sleeper once and she will be again. Hang in there.. you can see the light now, can't you!

PS, my ds has been wonderful the last three nights, even last night for his dad. Day naps are a little better, but still take 45mins.. but hey, it's progress!

99redballoons Wed 13-Apr-05 13:39:40

forgot to say ragtaggle, congrats on the pg!

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