Help, what am I doing wrong with gradual retreat?

[tuftysays]

I have been attempting gradual retreat method with nearly 14 month old dd for over 2 months now, and seem to be getting nowhere. Books seem to say 'when baby goes to sleep within 15 mins move to next stage' ie nearer door, but it's still taking her an hour, sometimes more to go to sleep. She has same routine (supper 5pm, bath 6pm, bed 7pm bf, stories) but once lights out constantly gets up in her cot, crawls around, sings, claps etc and then cries. I'm trying to walk out briefly when she stands, to try to teach her to stay lying down, but it doesn't seem to be working. I think the problem has arisen because she bf to sleep for a v long time. Her sleep overnight has got worse too, she used to wake once at about 4 (and I bf, much to annoyance of hv, so it's probably all my fault) and now she's waking at 12, 4 and 6, which is exhausting....suggestions gratefully received!

[dustbuster]

Bumping for you. Sounds completely exhausting, poor you! My DD is younger, but from friends' experiences this sounds not unusual for a BF baby. So not your fault at all!

[naturalbaby]

i was getting nowhere with the gradual retreating with 8month old, had health visitor round with some advice and she said to just leave him! he's not moving around yet and it's all a bit traumatic for both of us, so am back to sitting with him sometimes as he's getting worked up - which is driving me mad as i can't stand letting him lie there upset but we really need to sort his sleep out as i've got another one on the way so am sticking with it hoping for improvements. so not much help really but that's the idea we're working with!

[thisisyesterday]

if she is just awake in her cot but not crying then I would leave her to it.
only go in and sit there if she is actually crying (if that will settle her down)

she'll get there eventually

[tuftysays]

yes, I was wondering whether by being there sometimes I'm almost encouraging her to keep playing around. But when I leave she starts crying. I don't really want to do cc so I haven't left her to cry, but at the same time I sometimes wonder whether if I did leave her for a bit, she might just stop? I guess it's working out what is an ok time to leave her, to test the theory...

[SleeplessinSwansea]

Hi- I too got nowhere for ages. The following eventually worked for me.

Stage 1: Nooooo attention, but sitting by the side of the cot (try reading a book with a book light)...my LO would just stand in the cot and cry so I ignored him at least 4 minutes, then laid him down, gave a quick pat and resumed reading. This was the hardest stage. Took about a week for him to start settling quickly.

Stage 2. Sitting One step back but doing the same thing. Amazingly started to settle really quickly. I was so happy I stayed like this for about 3-4 weeks as he got sick & I didn't want to push things.

Stage 3. Sitting in the doorway. Amazing seemed to accept this quite readly. Did this only 3 nights.

Stage 4. Totally out the room....took approximately 3 nights. He cried a bit butIusedthe same 4-5 minute settling technique as I did in stage 1.

Is now settling without crying (hooray!)

I think I didn't get anywhere quickly because because I was soothing him with pats, shushing, attention etc. When he cried Ifound it really hard not to do anything (I kept going to him,etc)

My little one was 10 months when I eventually got this together. I had previously tried gradual retreat about 5 times with no luck!!

[noonki]

mine used to get so annoyed at me if I stayed in the room that it was better not to stay in there at all.

[tuftysays]

thanks Sleepless, I think the no attention thing is probably the key (yes, she stands and cries all the time, not in a distressed way, more in an annoyed / angry 'pick me up now' way; she knows perfectly well what 'lie down' means, but she chooses to ignore it most of the time!). I will try harder, booklight is a good idea (and the opportunity to read will be an unusual bonus!)