12 week old - am i expecting too much with pu/pd shh/pat...

[katherine2008]

my 12 week old dd has just come out of colic and I'm trying to get her to sleep without rocking her - trying shh pat and pick up put down, and it's taking up to 30/40 mins to settle her (sometimes she goes straight off and sometimes it takes only 10 mins). Am I expecting too much of her - i have to admit occasionally giving up!! She has 3 naps a day of varying length... then bed at about 7.30/8pm before a 10/10.30pm feed...

[LadyPenelope]

Sounds like you are doing brilliantly - at 12 weeks it's normal for it to take a while to settle.

[rubyslippersisappearinginpanto]

shh/pat is very over stimulating IME

just try to cuddle or swaddle her

[katherine2008]

i have just cheated and swayed while cuddling her off to sleep and putting her in her cot... i couldn't face the tears for the next half an hour... now i feel dreadful! does it get easier?!!!

[arthymum]

I am a week ahead of you with my ds (albeit no colic). I just do ssh pat with him if necessary and it's much the same - sometimes straight off and sometimes not so good. But I think it is getting very gradually better with him. I find that the key to him is making sure he doesn't get over-tired (easier said than done for a baby that will only nap for 45 mins at a time!) Oh - and sometimes I cheat too if things are really bad and have been known to rock or even (shock horror) feed him to sleep. I figure we'll get there in the end! I have coffe with mothers who are walking round the park for two hours every day so don't think we're doing too badly!

[Colditz]

Er - what do you feel dreadful about, precisely? meeting a tiny baby's needs instead of making her scream herself to sleep for half an hour?

[poppy34]

commpletely normal - I really worried about this too but dd (now 22 weeks ) a lot better - turning point seemed to be about 14/15 weeks. still need to cuddle/shsh patt her sometimes but doesnt ake as long

and agree re spacing naps evenly and darkend/quietish room helped (I had radio/music on softly)

[CharCharGabor]

From just the thread title I can say yes, you are expecting too much. Just cuddle and rock her, at this age there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Or at any age, imo.

[katherine2008]

thank you - i suddenly realised that I was wishing my time with dd away - that's terrible especially as I only intend to have one baby. i don't want to end up with sleep problems when she is too big to rock, but there has to be a middle ground somehow doesn't there? Arthymum, I know what you mean - I have the opposite problem as sometimes mine could sleep all day so missed cues happen all the time!

[WotsThatSkippy]

Honestly? Think it's a total waste of time trying to get a baby (especially one so young) to go to sleep with no cuddles, rocking, feeding etc.

[CharCharGabor]

DD still needs rocking occasionally at 16 months, she's still not too big. Take it easy on yourself. Just give her what she wants for now and try again in a little while.

[Habbibu]

12 weeks? Cuddle her. Sleep problems, if they are to arise - and I've seen NO evidence of a cause and effect thing with cuddling/sleep - can be fixed later. I wouldn't do anything at all until at least 6 mo, and (imo) later, and then it can be very very gently reducing what you do to help her. But now - cuddle cuddle cuddle - quickest, easiest, and by far the nicest for both you and dd.

[katherine2008]

thank you, i could cry

[Habbibu]

It's really hard - you get a LOT of this stuff blathered about - my HV said it at 6 weeks, ffs. I kept worrying - my mum kept saying "Cuddle her. She's a baby. It's nice." And she was right.

[CharCharGabor]

It is hard, I agree. There's so much emphasis on making them sleep on their own. Some babies do it, some don't. You're setting yourself up for stress if your baby isn't one of those babies. DD isn't a self settler. They're young for such a short time, just enjoy her.

[hopefully]

Cuddle away! We do shhh patting, but (for some reason) it only works with him in the cot for his morning nap, and occasionally afternoon if he's very relaxed. The other nap and night time we shh pat him in our arms and put him down totally asleep, and I usually do one long walk with him in the pram during the day.

I figure as long as occasionally he's going down easily (as he does for the morning nap) we can work on doing it for the other naps at a later date. Sounds like you're in much the same boat - if she settles easily with shh pat, great, but if she doesn't, do whatever you have to and worry about it being consistent in a few months' time!

[katherine2008]

hopefully we are exactly like you - quick question - do you bath and feed or feed and bath?....thank you!!!

[CharCharGabor]

I know you didn't ask me but I would do bath and then feed. I figure then they'll go longer as they have the milk later. DD wouldn't have it any other way anyway

[thenewme]

Imho 12 weeks is too young for trying any kind of sleep training.

[hopefully]

Our evening routine is:
Wake from afternoon nap
20 mins on one side (which is about a third of a feed for DS)
Bit of a play, leisurely bath, massage if he's in the mood (sometimes he gets hungry and we skip this)
10 mins on first side
20-30 mins on second side

Either me or DP then holds him until he falls asleep after this, which can take anything from 10-90 mins, although he is usually fairly chilled for this time. We have found if we try to settle him in the cot from awake at this time he gets absolutely furious, so we just keep him on us until he's soundly asleep. I suspect that this will be the last sleep that gets 'sorted' in terms of going down in the cot awake.

[katherine2008]

we just had a nice massage but had to eat before bath (we were too hungry to wait) - tomorrow I will try and switch. we are a little colicky again tonight (boo hiss) but will cuddle and love til sleep time. thank you for making me feel better xx

[CharCharGabor]

Glad to hear that katherine, I hope your night goes well

[katherine2008]

went through til 7.15am with only one 'dummy replacement' at 5am! thank you!

[hopefully]

Congratulations!

I feel we are edging closer to getting through the night, but bloody DP keeps leaping up at the first murmur and stuffing a bottle in the poor little chap's mouth.

[katherine2008]

DP no!!! Seriously the dummy works a treat - it's a little boring having to get up a couple of times (and I'm actually more tired than when I was doing the 4am feed) but it has to pay off long term, no?!! good luck!! and thanks for the advice, I'll watch out for your posts and see how you are getting along (looking forward to the fun of teething and weaning...!!!)