Help please as cant take much more

[Scifinerd]

Hi I have a 6 month ds and two older children. My baby has bad reflux is on medication and is being weaned. yet his sleep habits at night are beyond appaling. Not only does he wake every hour to two hours but once awake I can't get him back to sleep. I have tried raising the cot, co sleeping, putting him to sleep in his chair or car seat(on the recommendation of my paediatrician) and nothing is comfortable for him.

I know a daytime nap routine could help but don't know how to do this as I am in the car doing school runs all day:

8:15 leave house to drop at school, baby always falls asleep. Wakes up at school gates and then drops off again in car on way home at 9:15

11:30 leave house to pick other ds from nursery. Again baby falls asleep on way, wakes up at school and falls asleep on way back waking up as soon as car engine switched off.

2:45 leave house to pick up dd from school and same as before with baby.

So hundreds of cat naps and this schedule doesn't even include the days when take DS1 in car to playdates etc or dd to classes after school.

I am going to crash the car due to sleep deprivation and my quality of life is dreadful. My children are getting the worst of me and my poor fogged brain is overloaded with guilt at this. I won't even mention how bad my relationship with DH is suffering. So please please help with advice. Thank you

[mamalovesmojitos]

scifinerd i don't have much advice but have to post, you sound so worn out.

i have the utmost sympathy for you. i don't have a car but i know that children fall asleep in them easily. i really don't know how you can avoid that.

try and get your other dcs to distract the child when they're in the car perhaps? put some stimulating toys over the carseat? put on music with a lively tempo?

i'm sure as baby gets older it will be easier to coax him to stay awake. can you sleep when dh comes home from work, say from seven to eleven or similar? could dh stay up with him over night at the weekend?

[penona]

Poor you. I really sympathise, sleep problems are awful. I am not quite sure if I can help, but wanted to bump you at least.

How long is your car journey? Can you make it longer so he can have a proper uninterrupted sleep of about 30 mins or even longer? I keep a book in the car so that if I get somewhere and my two are asleep I leave the engine running and read for a little bit. I know it would be annoying for you to 'waste time' like that - with 3 DCs I can only imagine how much work you have to do! - but he might do better with a longer sleep time instead of lots of napping.

Really hoping someone with some experience of this can help you.

[Scifinerd]

Thank you mamalovesmojitos. I appreciate your reply. My dd might play with him more if I ask her so that might help with a couple of the journeys.

I am bf baby so not sure if dh can do a whole night. We have tried but he can't calm the baby like me and I wake to every snuffle so if baby is crying in dh's arms there is no way I can sleep and I get pretty stressed. Its a shame because if it wasnt for the sleep deprivation I would be having such a wonderful time with my gorgeous dcs.

I guess I am wondering what other mums with three or more children do about routines for a baby.

[mamalovesmojitos]

well it's difficult if you bf. i know dds dad tried to stay up all night with her once while i slept on the couch.

it was so uncomfortable and i was so engorged, plus i could hear her cry.

do try and grab naps when ever you can. even if you have dinner before dh comes home then nap till his bed time. it will mean that ye don't spend a lot of time together in the evenings but its only temporary.

you need some rest.

[redybrek]

Wait until the weekend when there are no school runs, keep the baby awake for as long as possible by staying at home. Even better if there are school holidays coming up you can commit to more time sorting the situation out. Its just habitual, don't despair, but it will take effort to sort out and you need everyone on board especially DH.

Hate to say it, but you're going to have to get tough, for everyones sake. xxx

Keep posting we'll hold your hand xx

[redybrek]

By the way how did last night go? It's saturday today, is your DH home?

[pudding25]

Sending you hugs and see you tomorrow

[angrypixie]

I have 3 children and every day I am grateful that I was determined to go to a primary school we could walk to.

My dc 3 has his morning nap on the school run but stays awake and enjoys the walk in the fresh air when I return at 11.30 to pick up dc2. (Also glad I chose a buggy that faces me so I can chat/sing/play to keep him awake)

He has his second nap in his cot and again generally enjoys the walk to get DC1 at 3.20. (although I occasionally have to wake him for the final school run)

I'm sorry - as I'm sure this is no help at all, but I do not envy you all of those car journeys loading 3 children in and out. Is there any way that you could walk one of the school runs with older ch on scooters? The fresh air might really help the baby to sleep for longer too.

Good luck and sending you sympathies - sleep deprivation is hell!

[puffling]

Go on the babywhisperer site. It is free to use and the moderators have huge experience of these types of scenarios. If you give the details you've given here, one of them should be able to formulate a plan for you.

[pudding25]

I am Scifi's bessie friend -school is miles away so no way can she walk! I hope she is asleep now.

[angrypixie]

Thanks Pudding - I hope she had some sleep too

[Scifinerd]

Hi thank you for all your messages. We haven't decided how to tackle this yet mainly because the sleep deprivation makes me and DH argue so much and I can't do it without his help. I have also been waiting for the baby to get over a bad chest infection, his last anti biotics were today. I am sure the anti biotics have made his reflux worse and hence my nights worse. So fingers crossed this week will be better.

Anyway after a massive blow up my dh and I made up (aren't babies just great for relationships ) and i went to sleep in the other room to get some rest although I did end up feeding at 2.30 and 5.30 but it was more sleep than normal. I think the big problem is I am so tired that I can't think straight to implement a sleep plan and I know to implement a sleep plan will involve at least 3 hard-going nights which I need some energy to deal with. Also I am reluctant to "get tough" as my ds does have reflux and is clearly in a lot of discomfort and I simply could not leave him crying. He is on loads of reflux meds but his reflux may be something he just has to grow out of.

It doesn't help that my other ds is a serious handful and my patience is not good which makes his behaviour worse. All in all it is a testing and difficult time and I just want to enjoy the baby bit as it is so fleeting.

I was thinking of buying Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child: what do you think? And any other mums with 3 or more, how do you do it?

BTW when Pudding and angry pixie posted I was actually having make-up sex which is quite an achievement on my part as I was practically comatose but hey my DH is so desperate he'll take it any way he can get it. Was fun but did take up some valuable sleep time. Pudding will now say "yuck too much information"

[angrypixie]

Yuck too much information

Hope you get lots of good advice - sleep deprivation is torture! I have 3 children, just got nights sorted (but no added complications like reflux) but not much sex of any description

[TheGabster]

Hope things are going better for you Scifinerd.

If you want to try and keep your LO awake in the car - could you give him something to play with? This often does it for mine - we had one of those things that hang off the headrest with lots of dangling thingies and he went mad over it. Definitely wasn't going to sleep with all those thingiess to play with.


Just an idea.

G