Help!13 month old in our bed &still beastfeeding!

[dropinthe]

I know-my fault intirely-he has always been in our bed as was our 1st son until 1- am in viscous circle-work evenings-have kids in the day-am knackered all the time-want to stop b/f but is too convenient although saps my energy-too tired to get him in the cot in my other sons room. He can often feed every hour and has not got any other form of comforter-except cuddles.Dad willing to help but is also tired most of the time from looking after them while Im at work-I look like a ghost through lack of sleep.

[Laylasmum]

You could try a dummy or cuddly toy and then i think you'll probably need to be harsh and do controlled crying with him!!

[Fran1]

You sound like i did a year ago! It took another year for us to give up b/f and i now realise why did i worry? And mine was pressure from society, comments from people etc etc. If this is the case for you, ignore it all. As you say its convenient, so carry on!

Ok i'll tell you what i did.

After a year, i put dd in a "big girls bed" which was actually a matress on the floor but made her feel special, she went to bed in that with a breastfeed, and stayed there until anytime between midnight and morning, when she'd get in our bed and bf frequently. I started talking to her, telling her bf was for babies etc etc Also subsituted with a bottle of cows milk sometimes (not ideal, but my attempt to wean off boob). Slowly she started going off some nights without a feed, and so my milk was getting less and less, she'd try and feed and i'd laugh and say thats for babies not for big girls. She'd laugh too. Eventually by the time she was too she had stopped b/f but still comes into our bed at some point in the early hours.

I am only telling you that to prove there is light at the end of the tunnel. Your child will not continue bf when he is at school (as i was told my hv that dd would be). So if its convenient for you know, carry on!

[Fran1]

You don't need to be harsh at all, if you don't want to be.

IMO cc is too much of a shock for a child who has spent a year used to loving cuddles and b/fs and cc is not the only option. I appreciate it works great for some people, particularly from a young age. But a child who has never been "sleep trained" by the age of one is going to find it a bit to much of a shock to the system imo.

[Laylasmum]

Ok Fran1 i agree you don't have to be harsh but its sounds as if dropinthe is pretty desperate for things to change and that would probably be the quickest way to solve things!

[HappyMumof2]

Message withdrawn

[dropinthe]

Nice to know people care! I havent the energy for controled crying-by the way what is crying that is contolled?? He is also feeding for comfort most of the day(ie 5 plus times an hour)-he does take bottles of formula from dad but not from me-I do want to give up now although yes to pressure from all but need to for my own sanity-wont take a dummy although could reintroduce I suppose-I just feel like Ive got it all to do at once and feel its too hard.

[Sponge]

It's fine to keep breastfeeding if that suits you but at 13 months he doesn't need milk feeds all that often so is doing it for comfort/out of habit rather than for nutrition. I would make sure that dh is around to bottle feed at important milk times, say breakfast and bedtime and try to find a substitute comforter for him.
He probably will complain a bit but he's old enough to understand to some extent when you tell him what's going on and why. I think you have got to simply refuse to feed him in the night. He doesn't need it and it must be exhausting you. Offer him a bottle of water. It shouldn't take all that long for him to realise that he's not goijg to get what he wants and he'll start to sleep better. Perhaps that would be a good time to move him into his own bed, once he's a bit more settled at night.
I know these things are a nightmare but it is worth putting up a bit of a fight for a few days as you'll all feel so much better with a proper night's sleep. After all he's not sleeping well either if he's constantly after a feed in the night.

[Weatherwax]

As he is now one how about giving drinks in a cup during the day? A sort of now your getting so big here is somthing big boys do. It might cut down on the day time feeds a bit which seem to be wearing you down. I think it was suggested to me that I divert dd at times when she was "comfort feeding" by giving her something more interesting to do. I also did the bed on the floor bit which enabled me to keep dd2 in her room for the first part of the evening at least.