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Anyone had a baby that wouldn't co-sleep???

(26 Posts)
meandmyjoe Sat 18-Oct-08 21:04:05

I know this sounds like an odd question but I see so many things on co sleeping. I personally am not at all against it, if it works for you then great. I tried it with ds when he was ill around 8 months as he wouldn't go back in his cot but he hated it, he screamed and writhed about to get free until I sat up with him but still didn't want to be put down. He went through a bad bout of separation anxiety at around 11 months and again wanted cuddling but would never just lay peacefully in our bed and be cuddled. I'm not complaining as ds is ususally a fab sleeper now and settles himself in his cot every night and sleeps through. But my friend has a 22 month old who has never slept through and every night ends up in her bed and she recently made a comment about my ds being strange for not wanting to cosleep and said it may mean he hasn't bonded with us. I was heartbroken at her saying this as I always assumed he was so independant at night because of his trust and bond with us to be there if he really needed us which of course we always are. So is my ds strange??? Does he not love me???

fizzbuzz Sat 18-Oct-08 21:53:07

My dd was like this. As soon as she came into our bed, it was party time. Wide awake, giggling hysterically, for hours

Now at 2.3 she loves coming in our bed...so much we can't get her outsad. BUT she only started liking it at about 2.....

funnypeculiar Sat 18-Oct-08 21:55:42

ds wouldn't co-sleep as a little one. He would co-thrash, complain & wake up.
Dd was, & remains, an enthusiastic and very peaceful co-sleeper.

feedthegoat Sat 18-Oct-08 22:00:05

My DS is very affectionate but will not sleep in our bed. Tbh never been much of an issue as has always been a good sleeper like yours but like you I've tried when ill. He's nearly 3 now and still won't even get in on a morning, well except to bounce on my head grin Sure your DS loves you meandmyjoe!

CarGirl Sat 18-Oct-08 22:02:43

I tried with my dd2 for a while but she seemed to prefer space and stretching out and she slept for 7-8 hour stretches at night from birth anyway shock.

She was very tall and cramped and think she was just relieved to be able to stretch out & sleep!

OldieButGoldie Sat 18-Oct-08 23:26:01

All I can say right now to those of you who have a child who doesn't want to co-sleep is "swap?"

Meandmyjoe - I'm sure he loves you. All kids are different

pudding25 Sun 19-Oct-08 10:01:50

Tell your friend she is a stupid insensitive bitch and is probably jealous that you have a baby who sleeps and at nearly 2 yrs old, her baby still does not sleep through the night.

What a cow. Cannot bear people like that. She's not a friend. How dare she insinuate you have not bonded with your baby angry

DD is 5mths 1 wk. She is the most loved little baby and so happy. We adore her and she loves us. I have never tried to co sleep at night but sometimes tried to lie down with her during the day in our bed. She is having none of it. She wants to sleep in her cot or out in the pram. In bed with us, she wants to play.

pudding25 Sun 19-Oct-08 10:04:58

Sorry, but your friend has really wound me up!!!

For me, co-sleeping is a complete no no. it would drive me up the wall -but if that is what other people want to do, then great. It is up to them. I would never tell a friend not to do it or come on here slagging off co-sleepers.

I am just so sick of people giving other people unwanted advice, or in your case, your friend has said something pretty goddam nasty and made you start doubting whether your baby loves you.

Can I call her up and give her a mouthful!!!!

slim22 Sun 19-Oct-08 10:24:36

your friend IS stupid and totally insensitive

plj Sun 19-Oct-08 10:47:13

Just browsing and saw this thread. I have never co slept with my DS or DS, as neither of us could settle-too much hilarity! We all enjoyed cuddles on the couch when they were younger and the occasional nap, which was nice. Canot believe your friend would say such an awful thing to you. TBH I have always wanted my DS and DD to be happy sleeping in their own space, and then a Sunday morning cuddle in my bed would be a nice treat for us all(toast crumbs and all!)

meandmyjoe Sun 19-Oct-08 14:02:24

Thanks all this has made me feel much better! Pudding, by all means give he a mouthful! It was a bit of a flippant comment to make and at the time I'm not sure if she was really aware of the severity of what she was saying. She's not normally bitchy but maybe you are right, perhaps she's just peed off with having to be up every night and feeling a bit down about it. I know it bothers her and she's always asking the health visitors what she can do to get him to sleep on his own. Her ds can't seem to self soothe at all, every night she has to wrestle him into bed and pin him down until he screams himself to sleep and then 2 hours later he's up screaming to go in her bed so she must be exhausted and frustrated with it.

I think my ds is just very independant, he doesn't like being restricted and forced to lay down even in the day. When I did co sleep at about 11 months he was very unsettled and kept waking up and trying to bounce around and crawl out of bed. I'm sure it's not an indication of his bond with me though. He's always been a good sleeper with only a few weeks of interupted sleep with separation anxiety.

TheGabster Sun 19-Oct-08 19:44:11

What absolute tosh!!!

My DS can't co-sleep either. If he comes into our bed he thinks its party-time!! Its no reflection on bonding, just that he is happy to sleep on his own.

I'm sure your friend wasn't thinking how her comments would be received, like you say. I have some friends who have done the same. Told me, when discussing weaning, that I couldn't wean because it literally means getting them off the brest and onto food, and as I didn't breast feed ..... (bfing failed due to CS) hmm

The fact that he is so independent, but that he gets clingy/seeks you out when ill and you had seperation anxiety problems too, all show what a great bond you have, silly!!! wink

laksa Sun 19-Oct-08 19:58:04

Hi there meandmyjoe, remember me smile

Just thought I'd add that my dd won't cosleep as I've tried it a couple of times when she has been ill/won't settle etc. It has definitely got nothing to do with him not loving you. I would laugh if anyone said that to me! I wonder if your friend is a bit jealous of you. I remember you had the baby that was hell in the day but slept right through. I would have loved my dd to have slept on my chest when she was little but she always wanted to be in the moses basket...perhaps they need less stimulation than other babies and sleep better in quieter surroundings.

xx

meandmyjoe Sun 19-Oct-08 20:23:26

Hi Laksa, course I remember you from the 'what the hell is wrong with my baby thread?'! How's things going? Hope you have seen some improvements.

I really think my friend meant nothing by it and having noticed today how much ds runs to me when he's hurt and how he instantly calms down when I pick him up then I know he loves me! He'd follow me to the end of the world and I love that but I think her comment just made me think that ds was somehow different as most people I know have trouble gettin gtheir kids to sleep alone where as mine just goes in his cot and goes to sleep!

He wasn't like that during separation anxiety, he cried as soon as I put him down so I'm sure he is just more comfortable on his own now he secure in the knowledge that I haven't disappeared!

nickytwoooohtimes Sun 19-Oct-08 20:29:37

Ds was the same - he has hated being cuddled to sleep since about 3 mths and our bed is an activity centre as far as he is concerned! He likes his cot, which is fine by me, but I was quite willing to co-sleep had he liked it.
It is no reflection on the parent at all - all los are different. Your friend may well be trying to make herself feel better by being mean to you - some pal!

laksa Sun 19-Oct-08 20:30:34

she is wonderful and exasperating grin Still hates the pushchair and carseat but with snacks she can be persuaded into both for short periods of time.

She is a bit like your boy...very independant but will periodically stop what she is busy with to cuddle and kiss me which just melts my heart. I am so much happier than I was 6 months ago she can still be a madam in many ways, but I guess we've just got used to eachother and I wouldn't change her even if she is an awkward one wink

How are things with you?

xx

meandmyjoe Mon 20-Oct-08 07:01:45

Things are really good now thanks! He still has an attitude about the pushchair and the carseat, he can usually be pursuaded to go in each with toys or snacks. I think he just gets very bored of sitting still for too long.

He got massively better once he started to walk just before his birthday. He's never still though so no wonder he was so frustrated and grumpy as a young baby.

He is so good at entertaining himself because of his independance. I see people with very placid babies that still never get a minute to themselves but it's not like that for us, he just potters around. He still whinges a fair bit if he doesn't get his own way or if I try and keep him still for too long which means that going out for a meal or anywhere remotely respectable is still a no no but I gues that's the case for most babies.

He has his moments and is utterly foul when he's tired but other than that he is a doddle compared to his former self. I think he just can't wait to get on with being a kid and struggles with frustration when he can't communicate but we are getting there!

Sso happy that things have worked out for you too. Babies like this aren't easy are they??? But hopefully we will be reaping the rewards pretty soon!

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Mon 20-Oct-08 07:11:16

Both of my dds are like fizzbuzz's. Our bed is the play bed. DD2 will tuck herself in and lay down for about 30 seconds then she is off.

dd1 will now get into my bed to sleep but this didn't start happening untill she was about 3.

My dd2 sounds excatly like your ds meandmyjoe. If she doesn't her own way she screams a banshee like scream bangs her head on the floor and then starts throwing things. She is 17 months. And if she doesn't in the buggy she doesn't go in the buggy <sigh>

And she has learned to escape the buggy in 30 seconds flat. She can also climb out of her highchair, And is nearly able to get out of her cot and playpen.

laksa Mon 20-Oct-08 09:28:48

ah, so pleased that things got easier for you. Our babies seem quite similar, dd is always a happy, busy little thing when at home/playgroup or allowed on the floor to potter about, it's just she doesn't like to be confined for too long either. She got much easier at 9 1/2 months as she mastered the walking thing then. However her sleeping is still not the best, she sleeps through about 3/4 days out of 7 which I guess isn't as bad as it could be. Oh and she is just beginning the meltdown tantrum thing where she throws herself on the floor and just howls if I don't let her have something she wants...I try to ignore it and she stops within 30 secs...actually what I really want to do is laugh at her cos it looks so funny, its odd how I never get upset/angry when she screams but when she cried and cried when she was younger it drove me insane.

So you going for the next one any time soon grin

meandmyjoe Mon 20-Oct-08 10:07:21

Lol! Not got any plans! I just can't imagine doing it all again. Are you not put off then?

My ds does exactly the same tantrum thing, has done since he got mobile and realised he could reach out for things that I didn't actually want him to have! If I take something off him or move him away from the bin hmm at toddler group he throws him self down, screams and screaches but thankfully he's easily distracted and it's over and done with in a minute. They sound very similar!

Joe is still a good sleeper. We had a bit of a hiccup between 9-12 months with separation anxiety but it seems to have been resolved since his birthday.

Blimey seashells, she sounds an active little girl. My ds is same. He is happy pottering around on the floor but not great at being restricted just like your dd.

laksa Tue 21-Oct-08 19:59:54

I am an optimist, lightning can't strike twice....hmm just remembered didn't bodkin have 2 exactly the same, think I might wait a little longer before I plunge back in.
I'd like 2 children but would love to bypass the giving birth and looking after a baby bit and just fast forward to having a 1 yr old and a 4 yr old hmm

Think I jinxed myself as had a couple of days of hell with dd and she is not settling well in her cot at all and screaming for ages before she will go down, am hoping it the cold she has just caught...she has had 3 in the last month sad

was lovely 'meeting up' with you again wink

meandmyjoe Wed 22-Oct-08 09:32:07

Nice meeting up with you again too, it's alway nice to hear how we are all making progress! And yep, Bodkin had 2 babies exactly the same, as did blueshoes, which is enough to scare me into believing that this could happen again! As much as I adore him now, there were diffinitely days until he turned 1 when we didn't exactly 'get on'!

I guess it was all worth it though as everyday he matures and that grumpy horrible baby seems like it was almost just a bad dream now. He's grown into my best friend who makes me laugh and comes to pat my face and give the biggest, wettest kisses! I admit he's still got some elements of his former self but he (and me) just seem so much more balanced now. Hopefully this will be the case for you!

I wouldn't worry too much about her sleep at the minute if she's got a cold. Joseph's sleep went completely out the window a couple of weeks ago when he had a tummy bug. It has returned to normal so fingers crossed she'll settle again.

Good to hear this experience hasn't put you off for life! I keep thinking if we do have another then my next baby will be an angel, who is only too happy to go to sleep on her own in the day and just sits cooing and smiling in her car seat/ pushchair. I think I may be dilluding myself though but there's no harm in dreaming!

Good luck with everything, it really was helpful to know I wasn't alone with it all so I really hope everything goes well for you all and you get that angel baby you deserve!

Becky77 Wed 22-Oct-08 09:54:53

Our LO co-slept until she was 10 weeks at which point we went to visit the inlaws and she went into a moses basket for practicality... When we got back I decided to stick with it and now if I bring her into bed with me half way through the night she wont settle at all until I put her back in her cot... Most upsetting grin

meandmyjoe Wed 22-Oct-08 16:35:54

Glad I'm not the only one then. I must admit I'm glad he doesn't want to co sleep all the time as I'd be scared we'd crush him and I really don't sleep well anyway but it's just the fact the he WON'T co sleep if you see what I mean?? He really won't settle and arches his back and cries to go off and play hmm. I think it was just me worrying about what my friend said that actually made me think it was bad that he didn't want to sleep in our bed but now I know he's just independant and that's good. He must have a bond with us other wise he surely wouldn't cry when I leave the room in the day and give me the sloppiest snogs he does but it was just a silly niggling worry!

filz Wed 22-Oct-08 16:41:28

i ahve the oppositwe problem. We have never wanted to co sleep but with my first and third we had to in order to get any sleep

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