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Is there another way?

(35 Posts)
Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 09:23:24

OK, so I've lost count of the amount of threads I've started regarding this problem, but the situation is getting worse and worse.

I'll try to summarise, dd is 16mo.

1. Dd has never ever slept through the night.
2. Dd started getting into our bed at 4mo.
3. At 13mo, I successfully managed to get her into her own bed at least in the evening.
4. She stays there usually between 2-3 hours and then gets in with us.
5. Some nights it can take me 3 hours to get her to sleep.
6. The main problem (IMO) is that she wants to come back downstairs.
7. She gets so upset that the only way I can calm her down is to take her back downstairs (this doesn't happen every night, sometimes she goes down fine).
8. I am sick of going to bed at 9pm.
9. I have barely any relationship left with dh.
10. Now she is waking in the middle of the night, screaming.
11. I'd say it was teeth, but once we turn the light on, she's fine.
12. I've never tried CC with any success.
13. I've even resorted to giving her milk in the middle of the night to make her drowsy and more likely to go back to sleep.
14. Last night she was awake between 12am and 2.45am.
15. My patience is wearing thin.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 09:31:44

Shameless bump

littleducks Fri 26-Sep-08 09:39:10

ok there seem to be alot of issues in there,

does she know you go back downstairs?

how long does she nap in the day? does she go down for a nap easily? does she appear tired in the day?

mankymummy Fri 26-Sep-08 09:40:55

if you turn on the light and she's fine maybe she's scared of the dark? have you tried leaving a little lamp on for her?

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 09:41:52

She knows I go back downstairs, I think... On occasion I've tried to bring her in to our room to calm her down, but she either starts bouncing on the bed, or pointing at the stairs and carries on crying.

She is napping during the day for an average of an hour. She goes to nursery two days, and is with my mum two days. Nursery tell me she goes down like a dream, my mum tells me she can be a bit hit and miss, but it is easier at the mo as she is so tired.

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 09:42:39

Mankymummy - I haven't tried that, but I do have a night light, I will try it. But I suspect that the reason she is fine when we turn the light on is that she thinks its playtime.

mankymummy Fri 26-Sep-08 09:45:39

does she seem over tired? maybe she needs a bit longer nap or two naps?

to be honest when i had this problem with DS i started to leave a bottle in his bed with him. that way when he woke up he would soothe himself back to sleep with the bottle.

it worked but not sure i'd recommend it because now at 3 he still has to have a bottle of milk to take to bed with him. blush

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 09:47:49

I think on the nights that we can't get her to sleep, maybe she is overtired, as I put her down at 7pm last night and she went straight to sleep. She woke again at 9pm though.

Maybe I'm being a bit mean when I am assuming that she is just crying in the night for attention and to play.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Fri 26-Sep-08 09:53:19

i've tried as manky mummy did. worked quite well.

what's your bed time routein like? for example DS used to really play up come bed time (still does some nights tbh) but I introduced reading paddington bear, so I sit on the floor after bath n bottle, and read to him, if he plays up I walk out of the room.

re the sleep thing - have also been having probs with this and it's horrid isn't it the lack of sleep. I've tried sleeping on his floor on a blow up bed - not fantastic for me but int he long term he's spent all week (woohoo!) in his own bed until 6.15am, which is early yes, but on the other hand it's nice to have a bed to yourself! could you do this?

He also likes the light on as well until I go to bed then I leave all of the doors open (he has a gate on his door thou)

not that I recommned this usually but have you tried medised if she's teething give it to her at bed time - but be careful - it has an adverse effect after 2/3 days and sends them a bit hyper! lol.

I also found the sleeping in his room has helped in the respects of when he got out - I could sit up & put him back in to bed - first night was 1.5 hours of doing it with him him crying etc, but you have to basically not give in as it's a battle of wills. the second night he stirred and tried to climb out once but we held hands in bed and he was fine. and has been since.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Fri 26-Sep-08 09:53:36

i've tried as manky mummy did. worked quite well.

what's your bed time routein like? for example DS used to really play up come bed time (still does some nights tbh) but I introduced reading paddington bear, so I sit on the floor after bath n bottle, and read to him, if he plays up I walk out of the room.

re the sleep thing - have also been having probs with this and it's horrid isn't it the lack of sleep. I've tried sleeping on his floor on a blow up bed - not fantastic for me but int he long term he's spent all week (woohoo!) in his own bed until 6.15am, which is early yes, but on the other hand it's nice to have a bed to yourself! could you do this?

He also likes the light on as well until I go to bed then I leave all of the doors open (he has a gate on his door thou)

not that I recommned this usually but have you tried medised if she's teething give it to her at bed time - but be careful - it has an adverse effect after 2/3 days and sends them a bit hyper! lol.

I also found the sleeping in his room has helped in the respects of when he got out - I could sit up & put him back in to bed - first night was 1.5 hours of doing it with him him crying etc, but you have to basically not give in as it's a battle of wills. the second night he stirred and tried to climb out once but we held hands in bed and he was fine. and has been since.

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 10:00:28

I could sleep on the floor in her room, but I worry that the problems that would create would be similar to gradual withdrawal, i.e. if I'm in the room and not doing what she wants me to do, she screams even more.

I'm not happy to try Medised, tbh, (although ask me next week) esp as now it's only recommended for over 2yo.

I completely agree it is a battle of wills. And generally her will is stronger than mine. Tanya Byron recommends a version of controlled crying called Checking, where you just go in every five minutes. I was thinking I might try that, but to be honest, I'd be amazed if she just thought, 'Oh well, I'll give up and go to sleep'.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Fri 26-Sep-08 10:08:04

see DS is strong willed but I dig in a bit and fight back lol. sounds cruel yes.

I know medised's not good and as I say I rarely gave it to DS when he was under 2 - in fact I hardly medicate him.

are you doing it all? does she go down better for your DH?

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 10:10:50

It's difficult to say. If she knows I'm there, she will not be settled by him at all, and cries even louder when he goes in to her. On the other hand, he took her to his parents house on Sunday and when he got home, it was bedtime, so he just took her pstairs and she went straight down for him, we made sure she didn't see me. Having said that, she only stayed asleep for 20 mins, and when he went in, she wouldn't go back down. I'm not sure if she heard me, or she had just woken up a bit.

Ok really obvious things, can she walk yet? have you tried really knackering her during the day?

Could she not just sleep in your bed?

My brother used to wake every night and want to play, and mum used to take him downstairs and play for 2 hours from 12-2 every night until he was 5!

Sorry if these are just annoying comments, <<ducks to avoid flying objects being thrown at head>> grin.

I have had 2 crap sleepers (still have 1)

I think it is very difficult now when we are all encoraged to have the 'perfect baby' and the first question you will be asked of your baby is 'are they sleeping through' . AAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG.

The fact is that babies are little people and don't always corespond to the 'guidelines' and just as some adults are poor sleepers, so are children.

It WILL pass eventually, you will get to the point where you are desperately tring to kick her out of bed in the morning to get her to school. grin

I am sorry you are having a hard time of it, I do feel for you, my 7mo currently wakes every 45 minutes between 10 and 6 when she gets up.

Sleep deprivation is crap. Good luck and try not to stress (or hate me, I really am sympathetic. grin)

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 10:17:55

- Yes she can walk.
- I'd love her to not sleep in our bed, and have definitely taken the easy way out by putting her in with us, which is now backfiring on me.

It's true what the good old Baby Whisperer (!) says, or said, that all of the 'accidental parenting' solutions only work for a short while, and then they become the problem!!

I don't think you're unsympathetic at all.

Ooooh the baby whisperer gets on my tits, I burnt her book in garden on a really bad day the first time round. Gave me far more satisfaction than reading it ever did.

We co-slept with ds until he was 2, when he asked for his own bed, and has slept in it ever since.

Sometimes the easy way is the best way.

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 10:35:49

To be honest, I was never really concerned about the co-sleeping, the problem is the middle of the night waking. I feel like the fact that dh and I are actually physically in bed with her is actually making that problem worse. She used to just sleep in bed with us most nights no problem, now she wants milk, she wants the TV on, she wants to go downstairs etc etc.

What about if you let her in your bed, but everything she asks for just gets a response of 'No it's night time, go to sleep' In a business like voice.

The first few nights might be hellish but she will soon give up, and at least neither of you willl have to get out of bed or do anything, though you may have to put up with some tears.

A bit like very soft, back to sleeping?

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 10:57:46

I tried that last night, and after ten minutes of her writhing about on the bed and kicking me, I gave up.

Just had a chat with the Health Visitor, apparently she can put together a sleep program for us. Which is? You guessed it. Controlled Bloody Crying.

Bllody hv's.

I feel your pain, but, we had to do this somtimes with ds, and it sometimes took more than 2 hours the first night shock,
But if you persevere it might work.

(I'm talking about the in your bed thing btw, not cc!)

Becky77 Fri 26-Sep-08 11:49:56

If you're going to struggle for 2 hours just to get the to settle in your bed wouldn't it be shorter in the long run to spend those 2 hours trying to settle her in her own bed? blush

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 11:52:04

Yes Becky77 - this is the conclusion I am coming to. I think the problems are:

1. Fear I'll just give up and then she's cried for no reason.
2. The fact that I'll have to keep doing it throughout the night. (Which doesn't seem as horrifying at the moment as she's getting us up anyway)

Becky77 Fri 26-Sep-08 12:00:34

If it were me I'd have to gear myself up with the mindset of "I'm not going to sleep at all tonight" and just go for it. I'm a stubborn mule though! grin

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 26-Sep-08 12:20:50

I'm starting to think there's no other alternative. sad

Becky77 Fri 26-Sep-08 12:27:22

It'll be best for you all in the long term, just keep that in your mind. You're doing it out of love.

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