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co sleeping how on earth do you stop???

(13 Posts)
leothelioness Sat 20-Sep-08 15:22:15

Both my Dh and myself are very pro cosleeping and were happy to co-sleep with both of my ds but enough is enough they r now 4.5 and 2 and still sleep with us. I have tried gently suggesting especially to ds1 that it would be nice for him to have his own room and and his own bed but he is just not interested. I have made big deals of showing him his friends rooms etc and told him how great it is etc etc but he just says its ok I have my own room (which he sort of does his toys r in the spare room) but I want to sleep with mummy and daddy.
I am just so tired.

We but a single bed next to our bed and put him on that but he just climbs over ds in the middle of the night(the single bed is right next to ours as there is no space anywhere else in the room) and lies across out bed.
I know I hhave left it really late but it just now I have images of a teenager in the middle of our bed......
Any advice appreciated.

leothelioness Sat 20-Sep-08 15:33:04

Please, pretty please!

LurkerOfTheUniverse Sat 20-Sep-08 16:00:05

why not put a double (or bunks) in their room? then they can still sleep together

i sympathise, my dd is nearly 6 and has only recently moved into her own bed

i had a single mattress on the floor next to her bed, so that she could get used to sleeping by herself but with me close by

then i did a big countdown, ' 5 days until mummy sleeps in her own bed..etc'

sheer bribery and a little patience also helps, promised her a big present if she managed it

she got there in the end, now averages 10 hours straight in her own bed, sometimes wakes in the night, but i go in to her now

usually end up asleep in her bed when that happens

bit harder with 2 though!

leothelioness Sun 21-Sep-08 07:59:36

Thanks Lurker its just comforting to know I am not the only one to get myself in this position.

We actually have a double bed in the spare room so it would be possible for them both to sleep in there. Its just they both keep each other awake and even in my bed if they r not either side of me I find that the older one has his leg over the 2 year olds head etc so might need to build a pillow barrier between them hmm.
How did you convince your dd to start sleeping in her own bed in the first place??
Bribery sounds good for the older one but the youger one is too young I think.
he has school holidays at the end of october so I might give it a go then but am really not looking forward to it.
Do you think I should move them both out of our room at the same time or move the older one first??

lispy Sun 21-Sep-08 08:38:14

I basically slept with DS1 in his bed for a couple of nights, then we got some cool fairy lights for his room which we leave on until we go to bed. the first week or 2 he woke and cried and i was lazy and took him back to our bed. he was younger though so it may have been easier for us.

GreenMonkies Sun 21-Sep-08 08:51:22

Have you actually got a bed/bunk beds in the spare room or is it just toys?

I'd make a big deal of buying a bed/bunk beds and a duvet cover featuring his favourite characters and so on, so that he has a really cool fun room and then has the option of sleeping in there if he wants. Make it a place he wants to be.

He can always start the night in there and then join you later if he wants/needs to, DD1 (aged 5) slept with us until she was nearly three, but started out in her bed in her room and joined us at some point during the night. Bit by bit the time she came through got later and later until she was spending all night in her bed and coming through in the morning for booby and a cuddle.

DD2 (aged 2) sleeps in a side-car cot on our bed so there's still room for all four of us on the odd night where DD1 joins us in the wee small hours. We are about to invest in some bunk beds for DD1's room and once DD1 has started sleeping in the top bunk we will make the bottom bunk into DD2's bed and she will then have the choice of where to sleep, and I don't doubt that she will also play musical beds for a while, so we shalln't get rid of the cot for a good few months!

A new duvet cover and themed walls can be a big lure to most 4/5 year olds!

Good luck!

belgo Sun 21-Sep-08 08:54:17

leothelioness -

we were in a similar position a couple of months ago, trying to get three year old dd2 out of our bed. We put dd2 in with dd1, in beds right next to each other, and the first few nights, stayed in with them half the night. Then for the next few nights either dh or me stayed until they were both asleep, with me lying down next to them. Then for a few nights I stayed sitting on the bed until they fell asleep. Then stayed further away in the same room until they fell asleep. Gradually dd2 got used to me being further and further away, and now they both go into their own beds and go to sleep without me staying, and they both sleep through.

The thought of ending co-sleeping was worse then actually ending it. It was very untraumatic - plenty of reassurance for dd2, but also you have to be very firm and do not give in, unless of course you think they are genuinely very upset. Good luck.

RoseOfTheOrient Sun 21-Sep-08 09:20:42

My two were 4.5 and 3 years when we moved them out of our futon together into bunkbeds. They had phases of waking up and coming into our room, and still verrrry occasionally do now (they are 10 and 9).
As belgo said, v. untraumatic....they were fine from night one....but I blubbed the first night looking at them both sleeping soundly in their bunkbeds blush

LurkerOfTheUniverse Sun 21-Sep-08 10:58:50

yes, it has been more traumatic for me!

leothelioness Sun 21-Sep-08 13:54:59

I am glad to hear that is probably not as bad as I imagine it to be!

Green monkies we already have a double bed in the spare room (which will become ds room) as we live in a rented house I can't make any major changes to the neutral walls etc but will look at getting some nice lights and pictures etc)

did you move both dc's out of your room at the same time Rose as I am not sure how to approach it either I move ds1 out first and hopefully get ds2 in there soon after or move them both together.

Any other tips to make the prospect of moving to their own bed more appealing would be greatfully recieved

GreenMonkies Sun 21-Sep-08 15:33:28


I think if you got some bunk beds with "character" duvet covers and some pictures, (and you can get removable wall stickers for kids rooms too) you may find it has more of a "my room" feel to it for him. As long as he knows you are not banning him from your room and are gentle and flexible about it then he may go for it!

Good luck.

RoseOfTheOrient Sun 21-Sep-08 15:50:37

leo, yes, both at the same time - DD was 4.5, DS was 3. I think they liked the fact that they weren't completely on their own in another room, but had each other to talk to if they wanted...although we usually stayed with them until they were asleep.

leothelioness Mon 22-Sep-08 13:40:48

Thanks will look into the character duvet.
Fingers crossed I will attempt to start the moving process in about 10 days when ds1 has his holidays from school.

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