Giving Up Dummy

[Becky77]

OK so I keep reading that the best time to get rid of a dummy is 12 weeks as after that they for dependancy or something! My DD is now 13.5 weeks and uses a dummy to settle herself to sleep only. What I want to know is how long it'll take to wean her off it... How horrible it'll be and is it worth it seeing as she only uses it for sleeping? Oh and how do you settle a baby without forming some other settling dependancy ie rocking, singing, patting?

Thoughts please... Thanks

[norksinmywaistband]

I didn't give dd a dummy until she was your dd's age.
She happily gave it up at 2.3 when bribed with a pressent from the dummy fairy
Ds is going the same way at christmas( so tightfisted mum hasn't got to buy an extra pressie)

I don't think its worth worrying about

[Becky77]

Thanks. Did you find they woke up more in the night because they needed the dummy put back in or not? That's my only real worry.

[wearymummy]

Oh dear, DS now 11months, still has dummy. Was only every supposed to have it when I went to work, which was once a month. Now has it daily. Should he go cold turkey now, or wait til he's older and can understand a bit of bribary?

[milkmoustache]

Not sure about dummies as we have just given our 2wk old one - in theory until he finds his thumb, but with DD we put her in her cot when she was awake but calm, and used a musical mobile from pretty early on. Don't be scared to put them down before they are atually asleep - they will figure out how to settle themselves in the end, but just keep things familiar and low-key, and try to resist hovering over them. First time round I was desperately rocking DD in her moses basket every time she made the smallest noise or movement, and think that must have been very annoying and distracting!

[Becky77]

so if they're settling themselves without a dummy do the still shout out and flail around? See I'm reading that as a sign she wont settle herself??

[Podster]

My dd had a dummy from day 2 and it worked a treat. When she got to 4 months it started disturbing her sleep and we were up at least 3 or 4 times a night to put it back in. Also I thought that it was going to be impossible for her to self settle if she got reliant on a dummy and my personal view is that it only gets harder to break habits the older they get. We went cold turkey - 1 nap was 40 mins of crying, 1st night woke up and it took an hour to get her back to sleep, 2nd day naps were fine, night took about 30mins, day 3 fine and haven't looked back.
If it hadn't been a problem with sleep though I would have left well alone.

[TheGabster]

OOooh, my ds is now 7mnths and we decided to ditch the dummy at 5 months. Best thing we ever did. Yes, he would not settle or re-settle (in the night) without it. Was driving me mad. But like everyone says, it only takes a few days. I think the "deadline" is before they are 6 months if you want an easy time of it. After that, it is possible but not so easy.

In answer, yes, my DS still flails around and kicks a bit before he goes to sleep, but he soon calms down and settles himself. Takes him anything between 5 and 15 mins to go to sleep or re-settle, depending how tired he is I think.

I can recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly which has some good techniques for weaning LOs off dummies etc. and helping them to learn to self-settle. It takes a while, but is a gentle way to do it. Or of course, you can just go cold turkey. Depends how self-disciplined you are/how happy you are with the crying thing.

Good luck!

[Becky77]

Awww thanks everyone. I'm just trying to get her into the habit of sleeping for longer at lunch which the dummy is helping me with... Once she's not waking half way through I think I'll tackle the dummy issue

[notnowbernard]

I wouldn't take it away at that age

Both mine had them from newborn

DD1 stopped hers (at night only) at just 3

DD2 (2.1) still has for sleep

Great comfort objects, if it works why stop?

[pudding25]

We took dd's away at 16wks as it had started disturbing her sleep. It took 3 days. Day 3 was the worst. Within 4 days of ditching the dummy, she started sleeping through the night - but she now constantly sucks 2 fingers! Put her down in the cot awake, in go fingers, off she goes to sleep! Very cute but don't think I will be thinking that when I am paying the orthodontist bill in a few years...

[Becky77]

I think it is disturbing her sleep which is why I'm gonna grit my teeth and go for it! In fact last night I didn't give her her dummy inbetween her 2am feed and 7am and she managed OK... She grunted and flapped around a few times but she did settle then at 6am she started crying so I brought her into bed for a cuddle and she fell asleep with no dummy... Result!!

And now she's gone down for her morning nap without one... It took 10 minutes and she did cry and flap but I watched her in her moses basket go from that to just giving in to sleep so now I know she can self settle I don't think I should turn back My only worry is how to get her to resettle half way through her lunchtime nap... If we can manage that then the dummy is history!

[Becky77]

@ notnowbernard - I want to stop because it's making her sleep lighter and wake more often. If it wasnt I wouldn't feel the need to stop at all... I just think a deep sleep is a kinder gift to give her

[pooka]

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4509240.stm

There has been some suggestion of a link between dummy use and reduction of SIDS (cot death). THe research also seems to suggest that if your baby has used a dummy regularly, it's removal before 1 yr old could increase the risk of cot death.

LEaving aside the health aspects of dummies, I would also say that dd was dummy obsessive from an early age. By about a year she only had it for naps and bedtime. Gave it up easily, has excellent speech and teeth are fine.

We did have a few weeks when she was little where she needed the dummy to settle, but hadn't yet worked out how to find it in her cot herself. But that passed (after I used to strew them rose petals in her cot) and was fine after that.

[Becky77]

Hmmm I know what your saying about SID and removal but we have never given it to her religiously ie she falls asleep feeding at bedtime and I dont put a dummy in then, so she is used to sleeping her main chunk of sleep without one. But recently she's gone from sleeping from 7pm-1am to waking at 9pm wanting her dummy... So I think it's for the best.

[pooka]

Could it be that she is waking wanting a feed at 9pm (am sure you've tried, but may be possible). I seem to recall mine having really quite erratic sleep patterns not as a result of the dummy, but just when they hit growth spurts. It does take a good long time usually for a solid and certain sleep pattern to emerge, particularly at such a young age.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I would avoid, with a baby that young, being too firm when it comes to providing a comfort object (whether that's a breastfeed/dummy/clothie/blankie/cuddle).

[Becky77]

I won't be too firm. If she wont self settle I wont persist... But I don't think taking 10 minutes to settle for a nap is bad at all... And no I didn't leave her to cry for that time... She was just grunting and flapping a bit and I picked her up once to settle her then she settle herself. If she was in distress I would've given her her dummy.

And no I don't think she needs a feed at 9pm otherwise she wouldn't be settled by a dummy. When she is hungry she wont keep the dummy in

[Becky77]

Well she managed to go down for her lunchtime nap without one again but resettling her half way through without didn't work and she woke up completely and it ruined whole nap

[TheGabster]

Take heart Becky, its only day two!! You are doing fine. Just stick at it another day or two, be consistent and then see where you are.

[Becky77]

Thanks Gabster... She just woke an hour after going down for the night (unheard of) and screamed and screamed for about 5 minutes before falling back to sleep

I tried picking her up to settle her but the second I put her down she started screaming again. Is it best to just leave them to settle themselves?

[pooka]

She's still very very young. All sorts of things can unsettle them at different stages; growth spurts, physical and neurological, teething, tummy aches, hunger.

Personally I would take the path of least resistance, cuddle her if she wants cuddling, give a dummy if she wants a dummy. feed her if she wants feeding.

But confess that I am a big softie and can look back at tiredness and frustration with massively rose-tinted spectacles now ds is 3 and dd 5.

[Becky77]

Oh and again half an hour later... Dont know if Im strong enough to do this all night

[TheGabster]

Personally, yes, we did find DS screamed the second we put him down again and it was better to just leave the room and let him settle himself. . DH took the monitor off me and sent me out for a walk with the dog because I am such a woos!! But babies are not all the same so I would hate to recommend what works for us only to find it stresses you and doesn't suit your LO.

I think the important thing with sleep training, or any training in fact, is to be consistent, calm and keep at it. That doesn't mean you have to leave her distressed if you don't want to - just that she can't have the dummy (if that's what you have decided - and you sound fairly decided to me).

If it gives you hope, you are probably already half-way there!

Repeat mantra

P.S. you might find that once you have ditched the dummer proper, lunch naps improve on their own as she is no longer being assisted to sleep and so gets herself through that 30/45m transition thingy into the next stage of sleep.

[Becky77]

Well we didn't do so bad after all... No dummy! I split her feed so she got 1 boob at 11pm then the other at 3am and she didnt wake other than that except for at 6am. So the dummy is very nearly history

[TheGabster]

Oooooh Becky, I'm so pleased for you.

Now - you might have a little backwards step over the next few days but you have to stay positive and consistent.

I am sitting here listening to my son "sing" and screech himself to sleep at the moment. It's so cute and I would miss all his "noises" if we still used the dummy. LOL

I would be interested to hear where you are with the dreaded lunch-time nap by this time next week!

G

[Becky77]

Awww thanks for your support. I'll keep you updated. Yes I'm not looking forward to the lunchtime nap and she'll really need a long nap after being up at 6am.

The only other time we use the dummy is on long car journeys... Any tips for that? Ear plugs?