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urgent cc advice need - just put dd in bedroom to cry it out...

(117 Posts)
mamachat Wed 10-Sep-08 21:15:05

have been trying to put dd in cot for past 2hours as need to tidy up etc befotre bed, so have now decided to let her cry it out.

how often should i check on her and what should i say or do when i enter the room

gagarin Wed 10-Sep-08 21:24:22

how old?

Go in after 2-5mins - say night night, lie her down again, wipe her face, hand her her cuddly and leave the room.

Don't leave her for longer than 10mins unless the yells have turned to tired moaning.

If she throws up in a rage just swab her down with a towel, lie a muslin over the vomitty bit if sheet [hmm} and settle her down again

Good luck

It is not cc if you are angry and liable to screech at her. Be kind, calm and consistent.

Good luck.

ThisTooWillPass Wed 10-Sep-08 21:26:24

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thisisyesterday Wed 10-Sep-08 21:29:40

agree with TTWP.

how old is she? maybe she is upset about something and needs you? teeth? tummy upset? could be anything.
don't leave her on her own

mamachat Wed 10-Sep-08 21:30:58

she is 14months, and i have tried so many other things and none have worked...

i am not angry and trying to stay calm, i need to do this for her sake as much as ine as she keeps getting frustrated as she wants to sleep but cannot...

I went in to check on her and she had pooed, so i changed her nappy and put some of my socks on her hands as she was pulling clumps of hair out in a temper...

thisisyesterday Wed 10-Sep-08 21:32:33

she's pulling hair out and you're still leaving her?

she's trying to tell you that she needs you. will she sleep if you hold her tight and lie down with her?

mamachat Wed 10-Sep-08 21:32:43

she always needs me, i bf her to sleep every night and she wakes throughout the night to bf and it is so draing for us both.

she has bags under her eyes some days as she will not sleep properly and i know i do, i have done the gentle approach so much and it is not working....

ThisTooWillPass Wed 10-Sep-08 21:33:06

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cheesesarnie Wed 10-Sep-08 21:33:34

if shes pulling her hair out in temper i think leaving her to cry is completly irresponsable sorry!if shes that frustrated she needs her mum not 'made' to scream herself to sleep.

ThisTooWillPass Wed 10-Sep-08 21:33:38

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mamachat Wed 10-Sep-08 21:34:04

i feel i have to do this i am not a mean parent but this happens most nights that i spend 2 or more hours getting her to sleep, it needs to end at some time...

cheesesarnie Wed 10-Sep-08 21:34:58

'she always needs me' shes your daughter!ofcourse she is sooo frustrating i know but surely you realise she needs her mummy!

Ewe Wed 10-Sep-08 21:34:59

Have you tried PU/PD?

mamachat Wed 10-Sep-08 21:35:49

but what should i do? never make her go in her pram because she gets angry and pulls her hair out, and spend hours every night getting her to sleep so that she never has to cry?

ThisTooWillPass Wed 10-Sep-08 21:36:08

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mamachat Wed 10-Sep-08 21:37:34

it is hard, i can't stand her crying i love her so much but this situation has gone too far...

I have spoke to sleep professionals who say their methods are cc...

thisisyesterday Wed 10-Sep-08 21:38:03

mamachat, have you read the no cry sleep solution?

it isn't an "instant" solution like CC or CIO, but it is a much gentler approach and basically works on teaching your child to recognise sleep cues and enables them to get off to sleep by themselves.

there have been studies that show that leaving children to cry can cause them damage. I personally don't think it's ever the right thing to do, or that it's ever in a child's best interests because at the end of the day we don't know how it affects them

obviously it's totally your choice, but I would really say that if she is that upset you should be with her.

it's hard, I know

choufleur Wed 10-Sep-08 21:38:20

are you on your own mamachat? or could dp go instead of you?

if he could go then she wouldn't be left on her own but you could try to get a bit of a break

mamachat Wed 10-Sep-08 21:38:24

i have tried pu/pd and nothing works

thisisyesterday Wed 10-Sep-08 21:39:34

MC, the no cry sleep solution does talk about how there only seem to be 2 trains of thought with regards to sleep problems.
either let them cry, or be there 24/7. the lady who wrote it, Elizabeth Pantley, had the same problem with her son, hence researching it and writing the book.,

it works well, but you have to stick to it

ThisTooWillPass Wed 10-Sep-08 21:39:38

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MinkyBorage Wed 10-Sep-08 21:40:43

I would really recommend this book, it has controlled crying method in it, maybe you should give up for now and try again when you've formulated a plan. I know that's not what you want to hear right now, but ti's probably going to be a little less stressful if you've thought things through and you're a little better prepared. maybe it would be worth you actually making an appointment to see a sleep specialist, (millpond clinic have them, depends where you are) as it sounds like it's going to be really hard. Good luck.

Ewe Wed 10-Sep-08 21:41:03

Where is the research saying it's damaging?

I know quite a few people who have done cc and had success in a day or two, just can't imagine how much lasting damage it can do. Maybe more so on a smaller baby but on a 12mnth plus, not sure. Would be interested in the study.

gagarin Wed 10-Sep-08 21:42:05

mama - do what you need to do. Leaving her to cry is not emotional abuse. It is a way some dcs learn to go to sleep.

The hair pulling can be linked to tiredness.

You can keep going in and soothing and settling. You are not abandoning her.

You know the difference between a cry of terror or pain and a cry of rage and exhaustion. You are listening to her and you are doing your best.

Ewe Wed 10-Sep-08 21:42:41

Oh and gagarin has it spot on, follow what she said in the first response, it's the nice way to cc!

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