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Tell me I will survive this

(15 Posts)
pinkmunkee Tue 09-Sep-08 08:49:49

My DS is 11mo. He has always had difficulty sleeping and in many ways he is so much better than he was- he will go to sleep without feeding in the evening and sometimes in the night will go back to sleep with just a sip of water (nothing short of miraculous in our house). We have tried a range of approaches, all of which have made some difference but none of which have solved it. I have read every sleep book and scoured this site for answers, ideas, solutions etc. He now sleeps from 7 til 11.30 straight (or at least allows DP to settle him) which does at least mean I get an evening. Then the fun begins. Last night he woke at 12,2,3,3.30,5,6.

He has just started walking and during the day is the jolliest, most gorgeous little boy you ever did see. His naps are good.

But I feel like I'm going to DIE from lack of sleep. I find it hard to function during the day, I feel like my relationships are suffering because I just can't be bothered to be nice, you know? I have such supportive family and friends who know how hard it is and support me the best they can (DP gives me weekend lie ins etc). But I am so so so so tired.

I know this will pass, I know he will sleep through- but WHEN FOR GOD'S SAKE?!?!?!!??!

TheNinkynork Tue 09-Sep-08 08:57:30

My DS is still like this at 16 months I'm afraid, and your title says it all - it's just, barely surviving, not living IYKWIM. He has one nap in the day and I have to sleep too or I'd not function.

Sorry not to be of any practical help, but letting you know that I understand how hard it is for you sad

Hope you see an improvement soon.

kekouan Tue 09-Sep-08 09:05:51

Oh god... I've just logged on here to find an answer to exactly the same problem. DS is almost 10 months and he will sleep well between 7 and 12, and then wake 4-5 times a night, usually getting up at 5am. He's also great during the day, happy and smily, barely cries and has good naps.

Does anybody have any tips?

Sorry to hijack - but does anybody have any tips.

kekouan Tue 09-Sep-08 09:06:55

It doesn't help that other people with babies of the same age, who have slept through since 6 weeks old, seem to think it's something I'M doing wrong as well....

They really should know better than to antagonise me in my sleep deprived state!

mamadiva Tue 09-Sep-08 09:10:33

My DS is 22 months and has never slept through a whole night without waking at least once. He was climbing out of his cot so we had to put him in a bed and now it's worse. He doesn't go to sleep until about 9.30 when he has ran around so much that he is tired, we put him up at 7.30 but he just gets up. He then wakes in the night to play or for a drink then gets up between 4-6am.

I work and I have to sleep when he does, it's like we don't have a life isn't it?

TheProvincialLady Tue 09-Sep-08 09:26:07

It is really crap isn't it? DS was just like this until 15m when he started to sleep for longer stretches of his own accord. Now at 24m he has just started to sleep through fairly reliably. Other mothers think you are being too soft and should let them cry - I think that they just sleep more heavily when their body is ready and for some children it is much earlier/later than average. Though I will say that DS slept better after we went cold turkey on all night time feeding.

forevared Tue 09-Sep-08 10:09:07

Hi pinkmunkee, have you tried any routines in the sleep books or have they just not worked?
Is it worth re-introducing a small 10pm feed?
When he wakes is he able to get himself back to sleep or are you having to go to him?

Sorry for all the questions, just throwing ideas out.

kateandjames Tue 09-Sep-08 10:18:29

My boy is 16 months and he still wakes alot. He sleeps in his cot from 7.30/8 to about 11.30 then he comes to bed with me and DH. DS is still breastfeeding and likes nothing better than to launch himself at me in the dead of night several times a night , Ive stopped looking at the clock to see when this happens as It is just to damn depresing.
DH is getting fed up, and wants his bed back.
I love having DS in bed, plus I dont have to get up like a million times to see to him. DH never got up with him and pretends he is asleep when he crys.
The way I survive, is to have a nap when he does (god I miss the two naps he used to have).
We are moving house soon in a month and then he will have his own room, DH says no more baby in bed.
We are hoping that this will help, but I will miss our night times.
Little boy is also the happiest baby I know (appart from today, teathing). Maybe if they were any any thing less than happy, we couldnt forgive them the years of sleep depriving.

pinkmunkee Tue 09-Sep-08 11:02:29

Well at least I know I'm not alone- and some of you have survived longer than me. sad

forevard- thanks for asking! I have tried so many things- particularly NCSS. I am not keen on CCing although I have tried leaving him for longer etc. Sometimes he can settle himself, but once the crying starts fully there is no way he can go back to sleep by himself. I have tried doing a dreamfeed but the irony is I can't wake him enough at that time to get him to feed well enough to make a difference! If I put him on half awake, he just slips into sleep within seconds. We have coslept but he wriggles too much and takes over the bed! I had the cot next to the bed for a while but DP kept waking him with his snoring, then DS would wake DP with his crying and I spent most nights cross with them both! He is now in his own room, so I have to get up and go to him. I had a bed in there for a while, but I got such a bad back as the mattress was so rubbish, I had to stop. The list goes on!

kekouan- I agree with you about the implied criticism from mums whose babes sleep. It's so frustrating as there's nothing you can say to prove them wrong- apart from maybe invite them to stay the night! I've stopped talking about his sleep to people as it all got a bit upsetting- and boring! God, I'm so bored of thinking about it.

forevared Tue 09-Sep-08 12:49:46

What about the Pick up/put down method? It seems a little softer than the CC approach. When I was doing research for ds2 not sleeping I found a lot of parents didn't rate PU/PD but each to their own and as we all know all babies are different. I ended up doing CC over the last few days, and we've been extremely fortunate in that it worked really quickly and we didn't have to got through the nightmare we expected.

I really feel for you as my ds2 was waking up 7 or 8 times a night like your ds. I've been feeling quite depressed recently and it's all through lack of sleep, so I completely understand what it's like to not function and get shirty with the people that you love, never mind the ones you don't.

I don't know if you can afford it, but is it worth getting a night nanny in even for the odd night here and there just to let you catch up a bit? Or maybe try and speak to a sleep counsellor on the phone. They may have some fabulous secret we all know nothing about! Good luck, I really hope you find something soon. Keep us posted.

NinaInCognito Tue 09-Sep-08 14:47:23

Hi Pinkmunkee, I feel like I could have written your post myself.

My ds has slept through the night maybe three times in his life, he is 20 months now. From 4 - 11 months he was waking up at least 3-4 times a night and we tried a lot of things. By the eleventh month I was a completely different person because of sleep deprivation, I was nasty and rude and frazzled and teary, it was not a good look.

We got so much advice from everyone, and although we basically tried it all, nothing worked. We also got told that our ds will sleep better once he is formula feeding, crawling, eating more, walking and going to preschool, and to be honest although the going to preschool has helped a bit, not much else has. He is now waking on average twice a night, but we have had a few nights of only waking up once - bliss.

I think for babies like yours and mine the only thing is time - although that's probably not what you (or I at the time) wanted to hear. I promise you will survive this, god it is hard, and is the reason that I am not having another one at the moment, but you do get through it, day by day sometimes. Am hoping things improve for you soon.

tryingtoleave Wed 10-Sep-08 13:18:09

Pinkmunkee, 9-11 months was the lowest point for me. Ds was waking up every 40 min all night. I had no energy left so I started cosleeping. That came with its own problems but at least I stopped feeling like a zombie during the day. Ds is now 25 months and still in bed with us. He disturbs me once or twice a night asking for a hug, but I feel that this is a situation I can cope with. I think that for children like ours, if you don't want to do cc or if it doesn't work, there is little option but cosleeping.

Actually ds slept through the night from 2-4 months and I was horribly smug and very willing to give advice to other mothers. Am very ashamed of myself now, but it does seem so easy when your child is sleeping.

pinkmunkee Thu 11-Sep-08 08:24:47

Thank you everyone for your replies- I am feeling brighter today. It can't last forever, can it now!? And last night for the first time he slept 8 hours straight! I am not expecting this to be the beginning of big things as I have learnt better than, that but it does give me hope.


mamamila Fri 12-Sep-08 15:01:16

oh jesus, i'm reading this withered and bleary eyed and i was searching on here for a magic solution!

dd is 13 months and has always been a difficult sleeper, only 2 times has she ever fallen asleep without bf or rocking and always wakes screaming as soon as she realises she's asleep, iyswim

she was sleeping 7-4 until january this year but since then has just been a disaster, at the worst she was going to bed and waking every half hour to an hour for most of night at best now is sleeping from 8 - 10.30/ 11.30 and then she sleeps in with us and i bf all bloody night it seems

we're beyond exhausted, now moved into totally debilitating tiredness. it's just impossible to get anything done, we're just stumbling through each day trying to get to bedtime. too tired to do much, i don't feel safe to drive. me and dp are at a real low point. our plans for 2nd baby seem to have been permenantly shelved!

so yes, i don't have any tips, other than dp settling when baby wakes and i definitely wish we had tried a more radical 'sleep training' when she was tiny. i can't leave her to cry now, she'd be so shocked

but yes you're not alone!

JuneBugJen Fri 12-Sep-08 15:03:37

You are not alone. Not sure what to do exactly for you but I found my ds finally only slept the night when we cut his naps in half 9was having about 2.5 hours sleep, now barely 1.5 hours)

It has been bliss every since did this the past month!

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