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co-sleepers - what did you do when you had your second baby?

(9 Posts)
tryingtoleave Sun 07-Sep-08 13:04:57

I'm cosleeping with ds who is 27 months and due to have another baby in November. Ds usually stirs a couple of times a night to check that I am there or to ask for a hug. If I'm not there or if he catches me getting out of bed he can get quite upset. Sometimes dh can calm him, but sometimes he insists on me. Now I'm worried what will happen when dc2 comes along. I'm worried that ds will be distressed or angry if I'm wandering up and down the house all night with the baby.

I suggested to dh that ds should start sleeping on his side of the bed, to get more used to being with him than me. He wasn't very keen (although I think I can talk him round - he was just a bit grumpy this evening) and said we should put ds in his own room. I can't see this working at the moment without cc, which I'm not going to do and I really don't want to get up at night.

So, I'm looking for suggestions. I don't think I want to cosleep with a newborn, but does having 2 in bed help? Does it mean you don't end up walking the halls (I only started cosleeping with ds when he was 9 months)? Any other ways of dealing with it? I'd appreciate any experiences...

thanks

MatNanPlus Sun 07-Sep-08 19:38:46

it would make sense for your DH to have DS1 on his side of the bed, does DS1 sleep in the big bed or in a cosleeping cot?

Sputnik Sun 07-Sep-08 20:09:16

Our DD coslept and, like you, I worried about this when I got pregnant. I thought she would never want to leave our bed. We talked up the own room thing with her for quite a while, then took her to choose a bed, covers etc. When we put it up, decorated the room etc, she asked to sleep in there, I have never been so shocked! She was 3 or 4 months short of her 3rd birthday at the time.

What I mean is your DS might surprise you on this one, you don't know til you try.

Anyway, if you decide to keep him in the bed it would be wise to move him to the other side, as even if you don't co-sleep with the new baby you will likely be getting up and down in the night and it's inevitably going to cause disturbance. My second baby has been pretty "easy" but even he has his off nights, screaming his head off. In her own room DD doesn't usually wake up, which is a good thing as she gets very upset herself when the baby cries.

You need to talk through your options and strategy with your DH now and find some solution you're both happy with before the baby comes.

tryingtoleave Wed 10-Sep-08 11:55:46

Thanks for the responses.

We have a queen bed and a single pushed together. The original idea was for ds to sleep in the single but then I ended up in the crack for most of the night so now dh is in the single. I'd like to try to get ds back in the single now, with the aim of pushing the beds apart and gradually out of the room, but I can't see that happening soon.

Any other experiences?

bigmouthstrikesagain Wed 10-Sep-08 12:16:56

I co-slept with my two (now 2 and 4) but made sure that they were settled in own bed/ room before the next baby arrived ds was 19m and dd 26m(dc 3 due next month).

I gave themm time to settle in and accepted that I would be spending quite alot of time in the room with them as they settled into new surroundings. I never used cc but a gradual withdrawl technique where the dc became used to sleeping alone over time. We did have some rough nights but I did not want to be stuck in a bed with an active toddler while bf a newborn so it was the best option for us.

I found the dc settled after a few weeks and although we do of course hav night wakings it is much easier to deal with now and they are happy in their rooms most of the time. Until about 6am when they jump into our beds to bounce us awake.grin

crokky Wed 10-Sep-08 12:22:39

I have my 2.6 yo DS in bed with me. I have my nearly 6 month old DD in a cot by the bed.

In our room, there are only beds, no furniture, no clothes, only beds!!!! I have

-a big bed up against the wall. DS next to wall, then me. Then DH (sometimes)
-next to the big bed is DD's cot.
-the other side of the cot is a single bed. designed to entice DS (nice duvet etc) this single bed is up against the wall as well. however, in practice, i sit in it bfing DD in the night. Sometimes DH goes in it.

I don't like to bf DD in big bed with DS in it in case I fall asleep (which i often do) and DS can be wriggly in his sleep - wouldn't like DD to get a kick etc.

I don't know how you have a 2 yo and baby in the same bed with you as worry about baby getting squashed/kicked by 2yo/falling out (2yo has space by wall)
hth

tryingtoleave Wed 10-Sep-08 12:35:12

Crokky, do you disturb your ds when you get up to bf?

I can't face trying to put ds in his own room - I am just too tired and lazy to deal with getting up at night at the moment.

Umlellala Wed 10-Sep-08 12:47:32

We have dd (2.5) in middle of bed (is super kingsize we bought specially!) and ds (7 weeks) on me/by my side/occasionally in the fabby Amby hammock. We have just recently started putting her in her bed at bedtime, she is cool with it ( but we are quite sensitive to her). Think co-sleeping really reassured her with the birth of ds...

crokky Wed 10-Sep-08 14:39:31

tryingtoleave - when I brought DD home (spent 1 night in hosp), I took her straight in with DS. He was totally horrified when she cried in the night on the first night. Kept them together all day and all night so 2nd night, he woke again, but was OK with it. Progressively (very quickly, 1-2 weeks) he was not at all bothered by her crying and then didn't wake at all (as soon as she makes a sound, I pick her up quickly). I am bf her every night still, he's rarely disturbed and if he is, he understands what's going on so goes back to sleep. I think it has helped with jealousy etc as we haven't had any. He seems to love her and strokes and kisses her and doesn't mind me bfing night or day.

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