Re-introduce dummies - would it be a big mistake??

[IlanaK]

We have used dummies with ds2 to some extent since he was a little baby. He is 8 months old today. We took them all and threw them in the bin 3 weeks ago in an attempt to improve his sleep. We only every used them for sleep and he generally went off to sleep well with them. The problem was that we were having to go in multiple times in the night to re-insert it. I got fed up and took the plunge. For the first few nights, he actually slept much better. Day time was really tough - with a lot of crying to get him to sleep. However, things have really gone downhill since then. He has been ill with a cough and cold and it has really affected his sleep. I am at my wits end both for daytime and nightime sleep. And I did a long car journey the other day that resuulted in him screaming for 1.5 hours as he could not get off to sleep in the car without his dummy - and there was nothing I could do.

I am now trying to decide whether to reintroduce them. I am having to resort to either feeding him to sleep in the day - or rocking him in my arms - and I sort of think that if I am going to have a "crutch", a dummy would be a much easier one. But I really had hoped to improve the nighttime wakings.

What should I do???

[secur]

Message withdrawn

[NotQuiteCockney]

Any chance of him taking to his thumb? Thumbs are much easier, you don't have to reinsert them, sterilise them, find them, and so on ...

[cupcakes]

You are probably halfway there. He needs to learn to go to sleep on his own - it will be much easier in the long run if you can persevere with it now
Good luck!

[Grommit]

Try not to - you have come this far. It will only be more difficult when he is older - my dd was a complete addict and was 3 by the time she gave her dummy up!

[expatkat]

When I read the title of this thread I thought "Nooooooooooooooooooo Doooooooooooooooon't Dooooooooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!"

But then I read your post and saw that you're talking about an 8 month old. I don't really think 8 months is necessarily a good time to take away the dummy, and I agree, a crutch can be useful at this age, particularly a crutch that isn't attached to you--like a breast, or your arms.

I remember having this problem, too, the waking up at all hours to replace a falllen dummy. A solution to this is: (a) a cot bumper and (b) placing as many as 5 or 6 dummies around ds's head each night, so if he loses one, he can find another.

If you have other reasons for not wanting a dummypeer pressure or whateverthen you can make yourself feel better by only allowing it for sleeping.

I just know if I were you I'd revert to the dummy crutch--a relatively small price to pay for sanity!

[roisin]

Just to put the other side! Personally I think I would give him it back.

It's not going to hurt him to have a dummy for another year or so is it? And he's so young it's not like he's going to remember that you "gave in".

Do what you have to do to cope with today and the next day ... don't worry about the future. You really sound as though a dummy would help you through a tough stretch atm.

Both of mine gave theirs up without a struggle when the time came. (Ds1 was just 16 wks, ds2 was 2 yrs old IRC). But I remember when ds2 was tiny wishing that ds1 (small age gap) still had his dummy and could be easily comforted that way.

[IlanaK]

Thanks for the input. Just to clarify, I have no objection to dummies used for sleep only. (though I really hate to see them in kids mouths during awake time). If he would take a dummy and that was that, then fine. It is the reinserting that is teh problem.

As to the thumb, we tried desperately to get him to take to his thumb. My ds1 was (and still is) a thumb sucker and it was a godsend. He is also (and I think this is not a coincidence) a fabulous sleeper. Ds2 just will not do it. Not even with 3 weeks without a dummy.

As to expat kate's idea (thanks for replying), I am not sure it would work. He sleeps in an amby baby nest, not a cot. We use it without the mattress as he is used to sleeping in a sling on me sometimes so this makes it more like a sling. This means that he can't move about much in it (no rolling over or anything). When the dummy falls out, it falls right next to his head and there is nowhere for it to go. So he could find it easily if he wanted - it would literally be smooshed up against his face. Yet he has never tried to reisert it - I don't even know if he could.

I have a friend whose child could reinsert her own dummy from a few months old and she continued to use one quite happily despite doing other sleep training. I would be happy with this too, but he doesn't reinsert it

[janx]

I know just what you are going through - my dd had a dummy and like you I got to the stage where I was having to go in and put it back in her mouth. At 4 months we decided to withdraw it - it was hard at fast and I often wanted to give it back to her, but in the end she found her thumb. However I still have a problem with her late afternoon nap which she just cries for me to bf her to have her nap. We have on occassions given it back to her in difficult circumstances including car journeys where I found it too stressful to hear her cry. She was able to cope without it afterwards - I don't think there is any easy solution, it really is trial and error - good luck

[IlanaK]

Update:

We decided to buy some dummies yesterday and give them back to ds2. It did not go well though. At first he was reluctant to take it at all, and it did not help him sleep better. IN fact, I think we had a worse night last night. He will not keep it in or put it in by himself so in the end we decided that it was a no go. I will keep them for long car journeies or other emergency times, but thats it. I had really thoguht it would improve the sleeping, but I think after 8 months I now need to accept that I just have a really poor sleeper. Hard to come to terms with when my ds1 was such a good sleeper.

[expatkat]

What a shame, Ilana, sorry that didn't work out.

Don't despair. He may be a bad sleeper now, but he may well grow out of it. My ds was a problematic sleeper for a while, partly because of the losing the dummy in the night thing, and partly because I kept his night-time feed going on for far too long, and he was still expecting milk in the night when he was over a year! We did some very, very mild sleep training (Ferber, I think), and he's been fine ever since, totally undamaged by it. Most likely it will get better soon.

[jabberwocky]

Ds still uses his for sleep at 18 months and I don't feel any sense of urgency about taking it away. He isn't overly attached to it.

[80sMum]

If he's had (still got?) a cold maybe he can't breathe through his nose too well yet, so the dummy would be spat out by instinct. It could be just the ilness that's upset his sleep pattern so badly. With luck his sleep will improve as he gets over the cold.