Why anyone let me sleep?! AAH!

[Pavlovthecat]

I have slept awfully for while on and off for months, but worse in the last two weeks.

I don't ever get a lie-in. On my birthday, last week I was promised a lie-in and still did not get one, DH just fails to get up with DD, even when he says he will. So I dont get a chance to catch up on lost sleep. Ever.

I took this week off work due to exhaustion as I just felt so awful, went to Dr, who said I actually have a viral infection. He gave me a prescription for temazipan to take at night, help me sleep. His words 'take half to one, and you will sleep through anything!'. Great, I thought. Note that although I have not been at work, I have not rested, have tidied the house which has not helped with my sleeping (worried about it all), looked after DD, cooked dinner so we can relax in the evenings, etc, so not sitting down on my butt.

However, last few days has coincided with DH having an infection in his tooth. One of my days off involved taking him to dentist, going to get prescriptions, then taking him back to work, then picking him up because he was in pain. Thursday night, (the night of being given my sleeping pills), he is also very tired as he has not slept for a day or so due to his tooth pain. So I don't take the sleeping pill as one of us needs to be awake for DD in case she needs us.

So, cue Friday morning, DD has poo'd and spread it in her cot, DH is in bed on the sofa, sleeps through it all, I take her shopping after running around not able to find my swim suit for swimming. DH stays asleep until 11am to make up for him not sleeping well. Does not matter a jot that I have not slept for weeks.

Last night I had a stomach bug, short lasting but not pleasant, left me feeling a bit crap.

So last night, he agrees to get up with DD this morning, after asking me several times if I was sure I did not want a family snuggle watching a dvd. No, I dont, I want some sleep. I take half a temazapam as I have not taken them before and did not know how much I would be unconscious. Clearly did not take enough.

DH snored his head off woke me up. Got narky when I asked him 4 times to roll over onto his side. Then DD woke up, DH slept through it, another dirty protest (3am). DH wakes up half way through my cleaning DD, got grumpy with me for not telling him what was going on.

His tooth hurts, he goes into front room again, stays awake for two hours, I can't sleep either.

However, this morning, 7:30am - my lie-in - I am up with DD, watching tele, DH is snoring his head off. I am exhausted, apparantly ruined the day as I was not all smiley and was not making an effort. He tells me to do as I please.

So. I take a whole temazepam - chill out with DD, she naps, DH goes out, and I come to bed. The phone rings, and rings, then the person calls back, his bloody brother just wanting a chat.

Now, I am wide awake. My muscles ache, my head aches, and I feel like crap and DH has just this second walked in so no sleep for me .

Sorry, just moaning, as usual these days.

[itati]

I read the title as

why will no one sleep with me!!!

[nickytwotimes]

He's had a rest, so I reckon it's his turn to take over the childcare, let yo uget some shut eye.
Dh and I always share the lie ins at the weekend - guess I'm lucky!

[itati]

Not lucky. How it should be.

[nickytwotimes]

true, itati.

[Pavlovthecat]

yeah right.

He is talking to me about a great coffee deal he go. And trying to engage me in talking about my lack of sleep.

And reminding me its my fault we have done nothing, even though he could have done something with DD without me.

And now DD is awake. No, leave her, she is fine for a bit. Cos the noise will help me sleep.

Oh, and he has just turned the tele on really loud, and walked into the kitchen to make coffee, leaving my room and the front room doors open (in an apartment).

If I say something else, it will just make it worse.

You know when you feel there is an argument in the air and you know that there is not much you can do to avoid it, if you tiptoe, it will be avoidance and thus arguement about that, if you speak your mind it will be an argument as it will offend.

Today is not going to be a good day. And it could all be fine if I just fucking sleep for an hour

[Pavlovthecat]

I just re-read my opening title .

See, thats how tired I am, cant even type my complaint right!

[itati]

JUST GO TO BED

[nickytwotimes]

Could you take dd out fo ra 'walk' and nip round a close friend's house and beg for an hour of childcare?
Desperate times and all that!

[Pavlovthecat]

I was thinking more along the lines of going to a hotel for a few hours!!! . Seriously no friends in walking distance, they are a drive away (not far, but still a drive)

I would go drive to Jenycliff and sleep in the car for an hour, but I am so tired I don't think I am safe to drive. And even though the temazepam does not seem to be working, I dont think its a good idea to drive.

DH has just gone on to the computer, he is playing a computer game so I have to go get DD up now anyway. If I let her sleep any longer, she wont sleep tonight.

Thing he seem to think that I should be rested after a week off work. He seems to think that means I am sleeping fine now.

I just feel really resentful.

[lazaroulovesleggings]

YOu poor poor thing. Sleep deprivation is awful, especially if you are feeling ill.
I'd offer to have your little'un for a bit, but I'm in Wiltshire.

[nickytwotimes]

He's playing on the computer?
No way!
He's being an arse.
Don't ask, just tell him you are off to bed.

[Pavlovthecat]

stella I can see it looks like I am being a martyr - perhaps I am.

The problem is - if I ask him to do that, he will just get angry at me, saying how we have a child, I have to deal with noise, and I just cant deal with an argument about it.

Oh what the hell, there is gonna be an argument anyway, I shall give it a go...

[lazaroulovesleggings]

No arguments required surely. Just say you're going to bed and ignore the protests.

[Neeerly3]

pavlov - you need to sit down with DH and plan what you will do going forward. There is no point talking the night before about a one off lie in. One off lie in's will not help you, you need a weekly recharge.

I got to this stage with my DH about 2 years ago. I have twin boys and also worked full time, but for some reason it was MY job to do kids all weekend too as DH needed a REST from his stressful week.

Anyway I was so tired and unhappy that we rowed about everything EXCEPT the reason for my mood, my lack of sleep. I walked out one morning (only to his mums) as I just couldn't take anymore. She took over for a few mornings and let me sleep, it was heaven and also not seeing and thus arguing with DH was a god send. I came home after 4 days and we sat down and talked how being a family was a 50/50 responsibilty for both of us. we worked exactly the same hours, and as such needed exactly the same rest.

Two years on, we now have as near a perfect work/home balance as we can and I am currently pregnant with baby 3 as I am confident we have got to such a balanced stage in our life that another baby would be a blessing not a burden.

What do we do? well basically we do bath/bedtime together EVERY night no matter what, if either of us have arranged to go out we arrange it for after kids in bed (on the rare occasion something is arranged for early evening, we warn the other person well in advance) and we have one lie in each - generally i have saturday mornings and he has sundays. It's an unspoken rule that you can sleep for as long as you want and the other person isn't allowed to subtly let two screaming kids into the bedroom to nudge you awake!

Because this is an agreement that we 'shook' on, it just goes without saying now that it's what happens every weekend. So theres no "will you get up tomorrow, please?" "oh yes dear of course I will" "SNNOOOORRREEEEE!"....

This may seem a bit anal and rigid, but once you've had the chat, "this is how i would like it to be" and he's had his say, theres nothing anal about it, it just happens and you can spend the week tired but knowing you will get those precious few hours one morning a week, alone and in peace and quiet.

I would strongly suggest you have a frank chat with your DH that you are exceptionally tired but you wouldn't be like that if you had a regular catch up on some shut eye. It's not a big ask, your DD is his child too (if my DH can manage two boisterous boys, your DH can manage your DD).

Good luck, be strong and get what you deserve.

[Pavlovthecat]

stella dont get me wrong. Our family life is while not perfect, is actually mostly good. He is just a completely insensitive sod who has never suffered from lack of sleep before and thinks I am just a bit tired.

He thinks I should be able to just get on with it, and he on the game to prove some sort of 'if you aint doing anything today, nor I am' point.

I am wondering if its almost full moon?

[lazaroulovesleggings]

Can you get signed off for another week? IF you are still feeling rough one week is not really enough.

[Pavlovthecat]

Neearly3 - sounds v similar to us, how we are, to how you were. We do talk, and I try to tell him how I actually feel, but he trivialises it.

I work more than him. He does pull his weight, bathing DD, putting her to bed. In most areas he is fine, a bit lazy, but nothing too serious, most of the time. He does most of the cooking, as he is good at it.

He just does not recognise how desperately tired I am and thinks my insonmia can be resolved by a better pillow or good read at night. He does not realise that I am so so so overtired I need some time to recharge.

And as you said, a weekly recharge would be nice.

I cant pop over to family, they live in USA, although 4 days there would be nice, perhaps not good for sleep but good anyway!

[Pavlovthecat]

lazarou - not really, I have been off for one week and one day, Dr feels that once virus has cleared I will be ok. Said that I am just probably one of those people who has difficulty sleeping, and if I did not have a bug I would be able to manage it. He also seems to think I should have shifted it by now. This apparant virus.

But, I dont really feel like I have a bug. I think its just exhaustion.

It is only lack of sleep and I dont really want to be sent to OC which is what will happen if I take another week off work.

[Pavlovthecat]

Stella - the full moon thing. I said it part in jest, but in reality, I am not surprised it is a full moon. DH gets pig headed around this time. Seriously, he acts moody, not good with communication and we argue more.

I agree I should be in bed, and DD is up jumping all over me. I am going to put a dvd on for her and go back to sleep.

And Lazarou thanks for your offer of looking after DD if you were more local. I really appreciate it.

and thanks for support everyone. I am going to sleep!

[Neeerly3]

pavlov, i did the "trying to talk" thing too and like your DH my DH scoffed, I wasn't as tired as him, looking after kids was the mummy's job, etc etc - he didn't realise how close to the edge he had pushed me. Walking out was extreme, he went nuts, but for my DH (not necessarily for yours) it was the short sharp shock that he needed. I was at the stage where I was prepared for it to be over if he wasn't prepared to change.....it was a win/win for me - if he didn't change I would have been shot of a lazy arse in my life and could get on with doing stuff how I wanted to do them - don't know about you, but it was harder for me coping with the boys when DH was asleep upstairs than if he wasn't there at all, it was a double insult really. If he did change then I would be back with the man I loved in a proper give and take relationship where the childcare was fairly split.

lucky for me he decided I/we were worth changing for and we haven't looked back. He can't be finding it that hard work because as I say I am now pregs with no. 3 and this one was planned! (the dt's were a surprise!). I don't think initially he could get his head round being a dad and how that had changed his life forever - he was in denial...anyway once he accepted it and realised that with a bit of team work, it didn't have to be as hard as I was making it look (with all my huffing and puffing and constant nagging), he embraced it as his new life and I think and hope he enjoying this new phase of his existance!