Please talk to me about rocking/feeding an older baby (9 months) to sleep...(15 Posts)
please, someone, tell me this is/was you as well - we do NOT want to do PU/PD or CC and NCSS has not worked for us.
We feel we are doing the best thing for DS by not letting him cry but it's bloody hard work sometimes and a bit of reassurance will go a long, long way...
We have had terrible sleep problems with DS2 and did feed him to sleep and co-sleep until last month, when I decided I couldn't go on much longer as the sleep deprivation was getting too much. I couldn't do CC or PU/PD either.
We tried some of the suggestions in NCSS which helped a little; it is very slow progress. He is 1yo very soon and only recently started sleeping through until 5/6am and going into the cot without being fed. Most nights DH or I have to sit next to the cot holding him and shushing until he goes to sleep, but this is starting to improve too.
DD is 18mths and I still cuddle her to sleep - I love it! She has her milk and is fast asleep in about 5-10mins, I cuddle her for about 15mins and then pop her in her cot - normally she'll then sleep through until 7am. I used to really stress about this thinking I needed to put her down awake but just go with the flow now! The vague plan is to get her to go to sleep in bed when she changes to big girl bed from her cot.
Once we made the decision just to go with it and not struggle to get her do go down alone it was a lot easier. I say enjoy the cuddles while you can!
If you really can't cope with it then it's a problem, if you can accommodate it then it's not. For the other side of the argument, I am jealous, dd at 4 months decided she didn't want rocking/feeding to sleep, she used to struggle and resist so I put her in her cot and she went to sleep by herself. Ds has self settled since birth really, loves a cuddle but needs to be left alone to go to sleep.
When I see my sisters who both at age 5 and 8 still cuddle there dc's to sleep I am really jealous, if I try to lay down with my Dc's they just think it's playtime and chatter endlessly.
Depends what you want really.
I do miss those bedtime cuddles but am still bf so get little extra ones throughout the day.
With a hyper toddler in the house too it is more important for me to get some uninterrupted sleep . I don't necessarily think that feeding to sleep is a problem though btw, I was much more laid back about it with DS1 and he has no problems going to sleep.
daphne early bedtime and strict with it will help a bit [hindsight] but otherwise do not worry. it all changes so much as naps are needed less, you have a couple of years to fiddle about with it.
i do feed ds to sleep still and hope to until he can put himself to bed. if i had more children it would be a different matter of course but that doesn't seem very likely.
DD is 9 months and cries herself to sleep still most nights. It has always just been her and being my second I wasn't prepared to do rocking etc. DS used to feed to sleep more than her but DD has always been a reluctant sleeper. It is all over in 5-10 minutes mind so it isn't too hard for us. If you watch her she will go from full on raging screaming to eyes shut in a moment. It just seems to be her way.
we rocked DS2 to sleep until he was nearly 3. He's nearly 5 now and still likes to be sung to sleep with my or DH lying next to him. We don't have a problem with it and I think, with all these night-time issues, you have to do what it right for you and your family. You are not making a rod for your own backs or whatever other nonsense you might be told - just doing what works for you
We had this with DS, I couldn't bear to leave him cry. Over time he gradually stopped falling asleep with his milk and became happy to go into his cot awake. He's now 14 months and babbles happily to himself in his cot for up to half an hour before he falls asleep. I've encouraged an attachment to a blanket too which I think has helped.
Fed DD to sleep until she was 18mths, she is now 3 and perfect at going to sleep, no sleep issues comes into our bed if poorly or thunder storms
DS is 11 months and has been fed sleep every night since he was born
Yes it is bloody hard work but it is what we do and what we think is best, we tend to use some ideas from NCSS when trying to wean off the feeding to sleep, but I have found it happens naturally anyway.
Thanks everyone, I do feel a bit better now.
Part of me wishes he was one of those who you could put down awake and would babble and chatter away until falling asleep, but he's not. He goes into full blown hysterics. If it was only a whining sort of cry, we might be more inclined to do a gentle (?!) form of CC but he gets hot and red and screams so quickly.
I think I will try and get him to have a comfort toy or blanket, any ideas on how to encourage this?
There has been the very odd, rare occasion where I have put him in the pushchair and he has fallen asleep without rocking/pushing but only when exhausted.
I am enjoying co-sleeping for now but want him to go in the cot by his first birthday... maybe...
I used to put the blanket between me and him as I cuddled him to sleep. It's quite a textured blanket so he used to stroke it while he was settling like that. Now I can give him a cuddle then put him in his cot with the blanket and he cuddles the blanket.
If you are a knitter, it's this! My mum knit it for him when he was born and it's been a godsend.
Sorry in advance for the long post. I have been in the same situation with DD2, who is now 11 months. Here are copies of my posts since June, so you can see our progress. She now sleeps through, although last night I was out, so nanny got her up when she woke. Fairly upset when I got in at 23.15, but went to sleep quickly with a cuddle, and slept through and is still asleep catching up on her sleep:
By lou031205 on Fri 20-Jun-08 19:02:12
I had DD 1 month early, and she has/had reflux. She slept through the night from 3 weeks old, up to 14 hrs, which was amazing. Then she started to wake for feeds. At 4.5 months she suddenly got scared of her crib, and wouldn't be put in it at all. She came in bed with us. At 8 months we bought a bedside cot, which has helped.
She won't go to bed in the evening. If I do try, she will only BF to sleep, then I have to slip away. She wakes within 30-40 minutes. If I try and settle her, she will only settle by feeding again, then the process is repeated.
She will feed to sleep on me in the lounge, and stirs regularly to 'plug herself in'.
When I go to bed, I feed her to sleep, and her night wakings are getting worse and worse. Between 11pm when I go to bed, and 7am, she wakes 4-8 times. Each time she will only settle with a feed.
In the day she will go for a nap if fed to sleep, and it lasts anywhere from 20mins to 1.5 hours. Sometimes she will wake after 20 mins, but then fall asleep on me feeding straight after.
The 16 hour day followed by waking every 1-2 hours in the night is slowly draining me of life! I can't imagine it is doing much for Jasmine, either. She wakes up distraught sometimes. She can be very fractious with others, because she is tired and wants my breast for comfort!
Please help! I did have a stab at PU/PD and easy when she was 8 months, but obviously did something wrong.
By lou031205 on Tue 08-Jul-08 18:41:28
7 nights ago I decided that after I was sure she was not hungry i.e. had already fed alot that night, I would say no to a BF, but give a big big cuddle. I made sure that my duvet was over my breasts. She wasn't keen on that idea, but everytime she tried to nestle in I said "Oh, thankyou, a lovely cuddle.
Then 2 nights later, I stopped feeding her in the night altogether. She feeds until 8-9pm, as she still won't go down in the evening (YET), but then when she falls asleep on me, I don't feed her again that night. Even when she wakes before taking her up to bed.
She accepted it really well, and last night even accepted a simple rub on the back at 02.30 rather than a big cuddle.
My hope is that she will gradually need less and less input to settle.
By lou031205 on Sat 12-Jul-08 09:14:03
I just thought I'd give a quick update to give hope to all...
After cutting out night feeds two weeks ago, DD2 had started to sleep much better at night, but still not settling in the evening.
She is now 11 months, and I decided that yesterday was her last breast feed.
For the first time last night, DH managed to put her to bed at 20.00, and apart from being woken by her sister's ripcurling scream at 00.43, which woke us all, she settled and slept through until 07.30!!
I am pleased, and glad that I have made a decision about breastfeeding, but my boobs are rather tender!!
By lou031205 on Sun 13-Jul-08 18:30:47
Hi twinkleymum - it's hard work, isn't it. I have to say that I have two DDs, and with the first one, I really felt that she still needed milk in the night, and that if she woke she was genuinely hungry. She was always little for her age, too.
With DD2, she is well up on the centiles for her (corrected) age. She eats well in the day (although really at 8mo she hadn't been, so don't give up hope!). Because she didn't settle in the evening, and breastfed on me, I knew she was getting lots of milk. What I did was this (we have a bedside cot, so she has her own space but I could roll over and feed/comfort her):
Night 1: Fed her whenever she woke, then from 5am onwards, refused to feed, but gave her big cuddles, and hugs with reassurance. Told her she was a big girl now, and I knew she could do it. Took 1 hour to settle, but more ranty than crying. Never left her or ignored her.
Night 2: Same as night 1, but took 45 minutes to settle.
Night 3: Same as night 2, but stopped feeding from 3am. Took 30 minutes to settle.
Night 4: as night 3.
Night 5: No feeds after midnight.
As of stopping feeds on Friday:
Friday night: DH settled for the first time at 8pm - took 30 minutes - Slept through the night (except for brief waking when disturbed by DD1 crying, but settled with gentle pat for 5 minutes).
Saturday night: DH settled at 8pm - took 45 minutes - Slept through the night (except for brief waking when disturbed by DD1 crying, but settled with gentle pat for 5 minutes).
Sunday nap time: DH settled her, and it took 20 minutes, she slept for 1 hour and 20 minutes (she normally had been falling asleep on my boob, and then waking 30 minutes later)
Daphne my ds is 7 months and we are still rocking him to sleep.
If we put him down awake he quickly goes into hysterics. I have tried PUPD but it doesn't work for us as he doesn't then stop crying when picked up just cries until he falls asleep in my arms. Tried CC once and felt so awful about it, especially as he just got more and more worked up.
I really don't mind having to rock him to sleep at bedtime but it is the broken nights that are killing me-I am up a minimum of 6 times a night with him.
He sleeps in his own cot to begin with then I usually bring him in with me later on. Co-sleeping makes no difference as he doesn't like to feed lying down so I have to sit up to feed him. It's often not just a case of feed to sleep either-he gets very restless and fidgity and thrashes around and cries out for most of the night from 3am onwards meaning that I get very little sleep.
DS is almost 1 now and was always rocked or fed and latterly patted him to sleep. Often in spite of this we would have lots of tears, but then he hated being put in his cot too so we couldn't win.
In the last couple of months he's come on leaps and bounds, and now he pulls away after his last feed and looks at his cot, usually rubbing his eyes as if he's dropping a big hint! Maybe 7 out of 10 times in the last week he's laid himself down and settled himself to sleep immediately. I haven't braved leaving the room yet - I'm going to wait until he's really confident with this first. I hang a blanket over the side of the cot though so he can't see us sitting there - or he's tempted to make eye contact and giggle . I must stress that even a few weeks ago that would have been impossible - he'd have pulled the blanket down and stood up and we'd have resorted to lots of patting.
We didn't do anything really. I did try some NCSS stuff when he was a lot younger to try and ease off the feeding to sleep (I had to lie on our bed feeding him and sneak away once he was asleep but it could take literally hours) but otherwise we found the path of least resistance was the way to go.
He wakes after 3 or 4 hours every night and mostly comes in with us at that point. It's not ideal but we're going with it for now because he generally sleeps well in bed with us and now he's so easy to settle it isn't causing us a problem.
His sleep is definitely, without a doubt linked directly to teething, which in turn has been totally not what I expected in that all the trouble occurs ages before the teeth show up. But It's definitely teeth that cause the twitchy, restless, insomniac baby in this household.
So, it will all pass, and they might even just miraculously get better all by themselves!
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