controlled crying. i am the worlds worst mother, and did i do it right?

[dontbitemytoes]

I swore that I would never do cc. dd is 10 months old and for last 2 months has been waking about 3 times every night needing a cuddle. I never minded dong this, although the interrupted sleep coupled with 5am wake-ups was taking its toll.

2 nights ago dd stayed with PIL and didn't wake up once! last night at the third wake up I had had enough because dd was wide awake and pulling my hair, and decided to try controlled crying. I put her safely in her cot and left the room to her screaming. I went in after a minute, lay her down, gave her her dummy and blankie, said shhhh bedtime, stroked her head and left. She calmed instantly upon me entering the room but screamed when i left again.

I repeated this a few times, then stayed outside her room for 90seconds each time, then 2 minutes. After 40 odd minutes she settled, but was doing the sobbing juddery breathing that breaks my heart. she cried out a few times after that but i didn't respond.

this morning she is tired, clingy and her little eyes are all puffy i caused that and feel awful, BUT.... Its time we all had proper sleep again.

did i do cc right? should i have gone in when she was crying out a few times after she had settled or was i right to ignore it?

Also what do i do now - and this is the complicated bit - dd wakes in pain every night around 12. wind pain, making her writhe and scream until it has been expelled . is it ok to pick her up and give her a tummy rub and cuddle when this happens or will i undo all the work i'm doing with cc?

secondly, when i first hear her cry out in the night how long should i leave it before going in? a minute, or should i go in, then leave for a minute?

sorry for all the questions, and thank you for bothering to read this far!

[gagarin]

if she didn't wake in pain with PIL then it's prob not pain at 12! Just her natural waking time and the "pain" is the fury that you are not there. She may always pass wind then but anyone who shares a bed knows that can be done with no screaming

You did just fine. Going in after she'd started to settle is up to you. She managed on her own and IMO would have woken right up again and yelled if she was in distress.

As for the timings - they are really not specific. You can go in and settle her immediatley if you want - just do the "night night" thing and walk out - and return after whatever time you have decided upon (1-3mins?). But keep at it.

The most important thing is that having started you don't make last night a waste of time and tears by changing your mind and giving in tonight. Not fair on anyone!

[dontbitemytoes]

thanks gagarin, i think the little madam was just furious with me, you were right, because last night she didn't disturb us once

hopefully the one nigt f contrlled crying will have sorted it, not relishing doing it again.

[callmeovercautious]

You may need to do it again but it gets easier on them and you. DD had the sleep thing sorted until she got Chicken Pox followed by a hospital visit. She was waking at all times again and not knowing what she wanted All she knew was she was tired but awake. TBH she was crying so much in my arms it was less traumatic to do CC again. 3 nights and 2 sessions of less that 10 mins total and she is back on track.

[dontbitemytoes]

you are right callmeovercautious, we did have to do it again last night at 10pm for 45 minutes, so it wasn't too late, but i think that was worse for me because i wasn't so tired so i was more patient and therefore had to tell myself it is for the greater good of sleep that i am doing this.

Somehow it is easier to hear your baby cry when you are tired and grumpy

But, she slept through from 10.45 til 5.45 which really is unheard of! thank you

[StealthPolarBear]

it's horrible isn't it? The first time we did it DS woke in the morning, still angry, eyes all puffy and snot hanging out of his nose from the crying I have to say we're winps with it - tend to only do it as a last resort, which I suppose isn't cc, just we've done everything now put him in his cot to cry himself to sleep.