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Co-sleeping - where do you put them before you're ready to go to bed yourself?!

(13 Posts)
Tinkjon Thu 10-Jul-08 22:23:44

We are co-sleeping with 10mo DS (though not through choice!) but we're having terrible trouble getting him to settle in the early evening. He starts off in his cot but every time he stirs he's waking himself up, obviously wanting to be in bed with us instead. It's not unusual for us to have to re-settle him 5 or 6 times before we go up to bed ourselves and it's exhausting and extremely stressful. I'm not sure what to do with him though... he can't start out in our bed as he will crawl off it.... he could climb out of a bedside cot if we had one...

I think our long-term problem is the co-sleeping anyway, as I'd rather not be doing it at all, but I'm stuck for a solution to the short-term problem of getting him to settle before he can come into bed with us at our bedtime. Any ideas?

harpomarx Thu 10-Jul-08 22:28:33

have you tried putting him in your bed first, tinkjon? maybe he is so used to sleeping in there that he misses the smell and feel of it when he is in his cot and that is why he is waking up. Are you very far away from bedroom? I am in a flat and used to cosleep until very recently. Would put dd to bed in big bed with pillows to stop her falling out. She would always cry when she woke up rather than start crawling straight away.

harpomarx Thu 10-Jul-08 22:29:41

Is your bed very high? Maybe you could try a mattress on the floor for a while so you wouldn't be worrying about him falling out if he wakes up.

thumbwitch Thu 10-Jul-08 22:33:43

were you co-sleeping with him before? Is it a habit he needs to be broken of?

Does he fall asleep before you put him in the cot, or is he left to go to sleep by himself? And do you switch the lights right off?

I co-slept with DS for 6 months, he is now 7 and a bit months (so I'm no great expert!) and sleeps the night through in his cot. He falls asleep downstairs on his last feed, usually about 9:30pm and I put him in his cot and he stays there, mostly until about 8am (+/- i hour), with occasionally an extra feed needed in the night. He has no light on, blackout blinds, no sound effects, no electrical things in his room.

He gets his dinner about 8pm and then his final bf when he wants it after that.

It works for me, not sure if it will be appropriate for you but there might be some ideas there?

Tinkjon Fri 11-Jul-08 06:40:23

Harpo, yes bed is very high. He wouldn't be safe at all in the bed my himself, he might not roll off, with pillows there, but he'd definitely crawl around and we might not hear him first. The other day he was napping on the duvet on the floor upstairs and I thought I heard a sound but wasn't sure - I went upstairs and he was crawling about on the landing and we haven't put a stairgate up there yet shock A mattress on the floor is a good idea - not sure where I'd put my bed though!

thumbwitch, no we weren't co-sleeping before but he was up 10 or more times a night in his cot until we brought him in bed with us and he then just woke once for food and went straight back to sleep. We'd rather he weren't in our bed, and it is definitely a habit that he needs to break, but we haven't the energy to deal with it! He doesn't fall asleep by himself, no

I think we probably have to just deal with getting him used to going in his cot, but I hate the thought of all those sleepless nights. Co-sleeping was quite nice at first but now he's getting bigger - and very kicky - it's not so great. A nice lady from an NHS sleep clinic is supposed to be ringing me soon, as my HV referred us. Fingers crossed.

bearmama Sun 13-Jul-08 20:35:59

I just have DD with me, lying on a mat, being cuddled/fed etc. She doesnt seem to need sleep during the day much so I have tended to wait till she nods off at night, which can be very late. She is 14 weeks so I am trying to get her settled earlier now.

bearmama Sun 13-Jul-08 21:02:48

Actually I have just fed her and she nodded off, so have put her upstairs in the bed (king size, wall side)

Pinkjenny Tue 29-Jul-08 13:52:40

Does anyone have any more advice on this subject? I have posted in sleep, ooh, a million times, but am no further forward in resolving or easing the situation.

Dd is 14mo and has co-slept (accidentally) since she was 4mo. She used to start off the night in her cot, but over the months the situation has deteriorated to the point where I am going to bed with her at 7.30pm, and staying with her til she falls asleep (which can take between half an hour and two hours). I can't then leave her in case she falls out the bed, which is very high.

Also it is a Superking size, so removing the frame and putting the mattress on the floor is not an option.

Should I change her cot to the bed and buy a bed rail? Its driving me mad. She is really unsettled lately, waking up and crying every couple of hours, which I think is due to teething and a cold.

What can I do? Dh would like to have a conversation with me in the evening where I am not frantically waving my arms at him to be quiet.

And I would like to eat dinner somewhere other than on the bed, at 9pm in total silence because dd wakes up if I stab a chip too hard.

Any suggestions? Again??

Pinkjenny Tue 29-Jul-08 14:35:17

Frustrated bumpety bump

Pinkjenny Tue 29-Jul-08 16:04:06

Am leaving work in a min but will shamelessly bump anyway

RedFraggle Tue 29-Jul-08 16:09:28

We used to let DS sleep on the sofa next to one of us prior to going up to bed when we were co-sleeping.
Eventually I got fed up of the lack of sleep and we made him sleep in his cot!

BigBadMousey Tue 29-Jul-08 16:27:08

What do you with regards to daytime naps?

What do you in the hour or so at night where you are trying to get her to sleep?

Is her cot in your room?

I think whatever you do you have to bear in mind it won't be a quick resolution - after all, this is what she feels is the norm and pretty much all she has known all her life. I can completely understand you wanting your evenings back though! IME these things are best resolved in a gradual and calm manner so sha barely notices the change - that is hard to do though when you feel you have had enough and just want her in her cot at bedtime. I wouldn't make any changes while she is feeling upset by teething or a cold unless you think she is going to be feeling that way for a good while (mine have constant colds).

Baffy Tue 29-Jul-08 16:40:50

me and ds have always co-slept

over the 3 years have used a combination of letting him sleep in the pram until I go up, getting him to sleep on the bed and falling asleep myself! (much too often! blush )
or getting him to sleep on the bed, then leaving night-light on and cushions on the floor in case he wakes up. monitor was always on, and I always had stair-gate across bedroom door so he couldn't secretly get out or get to anything he shouldn't.

it is a difficult one though. now he's nearly 3 he'll just fall asleep in the bed and if he does wake up he'll shout me to go and get him water or whatever he wants!

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