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Why do I keep reding these bloody books

(14 Posts)
littlemisssplendid Thu 10-Jul-08 20:57:55

Okay I read GF and threw it out but still had a niggling doubt that I should be doing what she said.

I've just read one of the baby whisperer books and now feel totally useless because I'm sometimes feeding dd to sleep at night, co-sleeping and feeding on demand (not at three hourly intervals - actually I tried to do that today and she was literally sucking the pattern off my jumper after 2 hours she was so hungry)

Why don't I just go with my instincts and the advice of my mum (who has told me to stop reading the bloody books and just give dd love and security). Instead I'm panicing because I haven't really got a daytime routine (somedays she sleeps, others she doesn't!)

looopy Thu 10-Jul-08 21:09:03

You know I stressed over the books for months and whilst I got some useful tips and did base a routine around GF for my ds, things got so much easier when I started to trust my own gut feelings and forced myself to have confidence in them. I found much of the time they were right and when they weren't I tried something else even if it was a load of chocolate grin

spiritofstlouis Thu 10-Jul-08 21:12:12

I felt so much happier the day I took all Gina and Tracy to the charity shop. I felt free... didn't make the slighest difference to DS either, he always created his own routines which were perfect for him!

looopy Thu 10-Jul-08 21:12:18

For me that is not ds

littlemisssplendid Thu 10-Jul-08 21:20:37

Thanks - it's good to know other people feel the same

FrannyandZooey Thu 10-Jul-08 21:21:55

try a different book!
Dr Sears, 3 in a bed, Baby Wisdom are all good reads

looopy Thu 10-Jul-08 21:22:56

Absolutely I laugh about GF now I mean who the hell could get a 2-4 week old baby into a routine...I could barely remember my name at that point!

Greedygirl Fri 11-Jul-08 09:26:35

Oh I completely know what you mean, even if you think "nonsense" and chuck it out, bits of it come back to haunt you! I love Dr Sears but am haunted by the chapter on nap schedules (we have never had a nap routine, didn't think I needed one - he just sleeps when he is tired). We haven't got much of a daytime routine, the only predictable thing is my DS feeds every 2 - 3 hours, as do I!

You need gingerninja - she'll give you sound advice on what to do with the books grin

Seriosuly, your mum is so right.

DS found a routine of sorts around 5 months. Even then everything was very much on-demand, just predictably so. Now he's almost 1 we've got a loose frame for the day but totally flexible and he copes really well when we're away somewhere.

It really does all work itself out, and babies don't need routine. Sure, some may benefit from it but they're not all the same so to prescribe one and make your baby conform is lunacy.

I would go so far as to beg you to bin all that stuff. In 6 months you'll be looking back and sighing with relief at how much easier every day is than it used to be, I promise

malinka Fri 11-Jul-08 12:31:26

go with your insticts!it is absolutely natural to respond to your baby-cuddle him,breastfeed him on demand and co-sleep.why do we have to believe someone else rather that our own instincts.people have done this for ever and how on earth did they cope when GF was not around smile.all babies are completely different and every one of them needs a different approach,wich his own mum can provide.I can not understand how some people leave their children to cry just because someone said that it is not right to cuddle them.you can not spoil a young baby!just love him and do everything for him.It is very,very hard to be a parent,everything goes upside down and your baby always comes first.must come first.that is that confuses some people and they want to train their children just to be in control again.I have 10 weeks old who wants to be in contact with me a lot,so I carry him in a sling where he looks so,so calm and sleeps for ages.I Can not do the things I use to,but I have a beautiful,healthy baby who needs me and I am there for him.do as your heart says and do not listen to other people.you know the best!

zuzkah Mon 14-Jul-08 10:14:28

I love this thread! This is exactly what Im battling now. I have a breastfed 7 and a half months old who still wakes up for his feed usually 2x during the night. Reading all these books make you feel it is wrong for him to wake and wrong of me to feed him. What a load of sh**. After reading another book...not all are bad ... Three in a bed, I have decided to go purely with my instinct. There was a chapter which took you through baby care from 19th century to today. Thats when you realise how medical advice change and follows 'fashion'. Poor mums used to be told not to feed there newborns at night because 'you wouldn't have a steak in the middle of the night' and so on. Im sure all are familiar with not that long ago 'let them cry thay need to exercise there lungs'. I believe mum knows best. Who knows what the medical advice will be in 5 years time. So FOLLOW YOUR INSTICT!!!

Reesie Mon 14-Jul-08 11:32:51

I agree - chuck those books away. GF has no children and all her 'advice' is not based on any research or studies - just her opinion.

I promised i wouldn't read any more books - it just made me feel like a failure as my baby wouldn't do anything that resembled a routine.

However, someone made me read 'our babies,ourselves' here

It is an absolutely fantastic book - it is written to look at how babies have been cared for over the years and in different cultures. It's full of research and references - it doesn't tell you what to with you baby - it isn't a book about that but basically reinforces that you should do what your instict tells you. I felt very reassured after reading it. I've given it to a few friends who all have absolutely loved it and chucked away and routine books after reading it.

Reesie Mon 14-Jul-08 11:33:37

Sorry - I've just said - don't read any more books but read this one....hmm

Mimsy2000 Mon 14-Jul-08 11:37:32

i'm with loopy - i read all the books and drove myself crazy when in the end i just did what felt right and most importantly i did what got us all the most sleep. usually that means ds falling asleep in his bed and then wandering into ours in the middle of the night. it's not perfect and it's not what the books would recommend but it works for us and we are all a lot happier. i really think that perfect, through-the-night-sleepers are rarer than books would suggest. most people with children have more 'colourful' sleeping lives and it's a shame we have expectations to the contrary.

<rant over>

throw books away or donate to a frenemygrin

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