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am I crazy? attachment parenting has led to 19 month-old waking every 2 hours

(54 Posts)
numum Tue 08-Jul-08 21:36:07

I have been responding to nightly cries of co-sleeping dd, now 19 months, since birth, with nursing back to sleep, a la dr. Sears and attachment parenting. Mock me Dr. Ferber and gasp at the dark circles under my eyes. It ends eventually, right? Will dd eventually grow out of it? She nurses... oh 17 times a day.... It strikes me as ridiculous, but I still don't favour any other parenting philosophy than attachment parenting.

Tell me at 2 or 2.5 baby will out grow this!!

OverMyDeadBody Tue 08-Jul-08 21:41:19

It doesn't sound like the average 19month odl, DS co-slept but was sleeping through by 19 months, maybe waking once or twice but settling himself again with me only ever becoming semi-conscious enough to hug him. Is there something waking her? Could it be that she's not comfortable with the current sleeping arangement?

I did used to be able to BF DS in bed without actually waking though, I could literally do it in my sleep. Could it be that you are just waking up too much?

grin at OverMyDeadBody - images of numum's poor DD posting on here "is my DM waking up too much?"

She'll grow out of it. They had better grow out of it .... right ....?

charliegal Tue 08-Jul-08 21:48:19

Erm, I have no words of wisdom because I am in exactly the same situation. Just read out OP to dp and she said 'Is that you?'
We are planning to get him a little bed to go by our bed and hope that it helps. I feel very squashed and also tired. He doesn't even sleep a good stretch in the evening, so I am back and forth then (now) too.
Sometimes feel like motherhood is a mean trick.

thisisyesterday Tue 08-Jul-08 21:50:42

yes, of course she will grow out of it.
I am 100% sure of that.

littleducks Tue 08-Jul-08 21:50:54

<You may not want to read this>

I did all of that with ddy, had a bedside cot but she never truly slept in it as was permanently attached to me.

Transfer to toddler bed was stressful, she has slept through the night once a few months ago, she is 2.

DS wakes max once a night, is in the cot on my room but mostly not next to bed. He settles himself to sleep. He feeds about every three hours. I did it all different when he was born, put him down with dd at 7.30ish etc cos i couldnt bear it again. He is 13 weeks.

charliegal Tue 08-Jul-08 21:52:53

Do you ever want to laugh/cry when you hear people say 'He's seven weeks/months old and still not sleeping through'.
Have actually wanted to physically hurt people.

thisisyesterday Tue 08-Jul-08 21:56:48

oh yes charliegal! I already feel like that and ds2 is only 8 months lol, but still feeding lke a newborn.
I am 100% sure I am doing the right thing though, and I know a lot of other AP-y parents who are coming through the other side with their toddlers

policywonk Tue 08-Jul-08 22:00:40

numum - you are co-sleeping, yes?

I think some children are just more needy than others at night. I'm still co-sleeping with my three-year-old, and I hate to tell you that he still wakes up for a feed at least once a night. <outs self as complete freakoid> The good news is that I'm very, very used to it now.

MaloryTowersUrbaniteLady Tue 08-Jul-08 22:03:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

charliegal Tue 08-Jul-08 22:05:02

how do you feel policy?
Have to say, I asked Naomi Stadlen about how you are expected to go on like this (with the night feeding) and she said it was a question of morale ie being supported, knowing other mothers are doing it etc.

policywonk Tue 08-Jul-08 22:07:03

Mmm, I mostly feel fine. Don't feel particularly tired - it's more a question of being half-awake for about five minutes and then dropping off again, so not too bad on the sleep front. On the freakoid front... I feel like a social outcast, verging on serious weirdo. But I try to surpress those feelings with alcohol. wink

spicemonster Tue 08-Jul-08 22:08:30

Do you work and have other children? How on earth do you cope?! I think I would die if my DS was still waking that often

MaloryTowersUrbaniteLady Tue 08-Jul-08 22:08:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaloryTowersUrbaniteLady Tue 08-Jul-08 22:09:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have to say (as a sleep-deprivation newbie - DS is a mere 1 year old) if it's a quick wakey-up-and-feed moment, it's totally tolerable. Provided it's not a get-up-and-change-nappy-and-dose-with-Calpol-and-sing-a-bit-and-rock-a-bit-and-spend-45-minutes-hang ing-over-the-cot thing it's fine.

ali23 Tue 08-Jul-08 22:12:57

Hi numum. No advice, but in similar boat, with dark eyes, cranky attitude and seven-mile stare to match. DD is 14 months and last night fed four times during the night. A few weeks ago I came home in tears after a night out ended prematurely. As expected, I got the call from DP to say that DD had been crying for a couple of hours (she had woken minutes after I'd left) and was inconsolable. I left my night out with a couple of snide remarks ringing in my ears, one of which came from a fellow Mum of a 14-month-old who remarked that what I was doing was 'obscene.' Another friend told me a few weeks ago that still breastfeeding at this age wasn't on. I think Charliegal is right - if you know there are others in the same boat it's easier to cope but when you feel the judgement of other mums it can be very difficult.

policywonk Tue 08-Jul-08 22:13:01

Not sure whether you're talking to me spice - mine only wakes once or maybe twice a night, and it's all done and dusted in a few minutes, so I'm not too shattered.

policywonk Tue 08-Jul-08 22:14:12

sad blimey ali, what a couple of bitches.

Twiglett Tue 08-Jul-08 22:14:36

gosh you have my utmost sympathy .. to have such an extended period of broken sleep must be virtually unbearable.

Patently you have your own philosophy of child-rearing that you feel works for you. Although what I am hearing is that this part of it isn't working for you.

Personally, although this has no bearing on your decision, I believe that children need help to learn how to sleep .. and providing that help can be difficult in the short-term for parents as it can be counter-intuitive to one's protect this child from discomfort. But to me the long-term benefits to the child of a full night's sleep were worth it.

Still, I wish you luck with your chosen child-rearing approach.

spicemonster Tue 08-Jul-08 22:14:41

Not you especially pw and once or twice a night doesn't sound too bad. But every two hours makes me shudder. But I am very old ...

Feenie Tue 08-Jul-08 22:16:40

Oh, have been composing thread title in my head for weeks on exactly this (but am too sleep deprived to actually post, haha). Sorry, ds is 2.6 and still wakes several times a night to feed. He comes in with us from his bed the first time (currently around half past one, sob!) and wakes again at around 5, half 5, 6, half 6, till we get up. Am still kidding myself that he is down to two feeds a day, morning and night (if I have my eyes closed it doesn't count, right?!)
I too feel like a freakoid, and have solemnly assured dh that ^of course^ he won't be doing it when he's three....
I too wonder if I have done the right thing, if I am actually screwing up his sleep patterns rather than responding to a need that won't be there for ever...
I haven't answered your question, have I, just chucked in some extra worries for you further down the line...blush sorry!

*Sits down and waits for someone else to come along and reassure us soon*

fishie Tue 08-Jul-08 22:20:26

ds out of bed into cot 9m, into own bed own room at about 20m. but he still arrives in bed with us at at some point. the older he gets (3.2) the later it is and now he usually does shut up when i say "it is middle of night no milk" i do have more than my share of 5am wakings though.

janeashersbookofspacecakes Tue 08-Jul-08 22:23:32

Is co-sleeping fundamental to attachment parenting? DD likes her cot and her little soft toys. If she needs to come into our bed, I bring her straight in, so I don't feel she feels un-attached. She also gets a very good night's sleep.

policywonk Tue 08-Jul-08 22:24:06

I have found recently (as fishie says) that DS2 is much more accepting when I say 'bugger orf darling' at 3am - he tends to whine momentarily and then go back to sleep. I kid myself that this is sleep training... Mind you, I had to leave him overnight for the first time a few weeks ago, without warning, and DP said that he settled to sleep easily, and was happy with a drink of cow's milk when he woke in the middle of the night, so I do think it's moving in the right direction, honestly folks. It's just really, really fucking glacial.

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