Would PUPD help DD (20 weeks) learn how to sleep on her own (not on top of me)?

[HubbaDubbaDub]

Hello! I'm in a real muddle about what to do with my DD's sleep. Basically, she will go down in her cot from about 10pm, having had an earlier sleep, normally between about 7 and 8pm. Then at around 1am she wakes up and feeds and after that, she will only sleep on me. She had a phase of having to be on top of me only after 4am or so but it's getting earlier and earlier. I'm happy with a sort of semi-co-sleeping arrangement, but all night with her on top of me is starting to get really tiring!

Do I just carry on and hope she'll grow out of it? Or can something be done? Anyone tried PUPD for this problem and if so, do I need to basically do it every time I try and get her back down in the night? Thanks in advance for any thoughts!

[Fizzylemonade]

She will just get heavier and heavier!! I did pupd with ds1 and it worked a treat. He was younger than your dd though.

However with ds2 he was poorly so slept on me in the day until he was 1 year old, I kid you not! At night we would have to put him down when he was dopey but not quite asleep.

This was fine for us but when he hit 1 year old we decided that things were going to change so whatever you decide you need to be consistent.

The first night I did PD (you would do PU/PD because my son was 12 month old he was much heavier and Babywhisperer recommends PD when they are 12 months old) it took 47 minutes and I put him down over 100 times.

Your daughter is much younger so you will pick her up and the second she stops crying you put her back down and tell her "it's just time for sleep" or whatever phrase you choose. You are there for her but not as a pillow.

If you made a rule that after such a time you would let her sleep on you she may interpret it that if she cries enough she gets X response. ie she may feel that if she cries enough you will give in and let her sleep on you.

Could you do her sleeping on you in the day? That way night time is different (like it was for me)

I am a sahm so this was totally possible.

[HubbaDubbaDub]

Hi Fizzylemonade and thanks! Funnily enough she doesn't need me to sleep on in the day, she will sleep in her cot, albeit not for longer than about 45 minutes.

So I guess if and when I start PUPD I have to use it every time she wakes in the night, until she goes down in her cot ... I'm expecting some sleepless nights in that case! I'm a bit scared of starting!

[giddykipper]

Could you do a gradual retreat a la No Cry Sleep Solution? PUPD never worked for us as DS just seemed to get confused and wound up by it.

[ScaryHairy]

I think 20 weeks is too young for pu/pd. Iirc even those baby whisperer books suggest it is only for babies 6 or maybe 12 mo and older. Even then, it winds a lot of them up IME.

I would do the shush/pat thing on her back and then put her in the cot and keep shushing and patting until she quietens down.

I wouldn't carry on with letting her sleep on you, since you are not happy with it now. Even though she may grow out of it, there is no point continuing with something you are not happy to do. What I would say, though, is that if you decide to break this habit please be consistent and give it a good week before trying something else. And try really hard not to give in.

[HubbaDubbaDub]

I haven't read no cry sleep solution .. maybe I should. That's interesting about not before 6 or even 12 months for PUPD, I hadn't realised that. Hmmmm, consistency is not my strong point, but I think I will just start with really persevering with persuading her to go back to/stay in her cot, with lots of shushing etc, and see if that works after a week or so. Thanks!

[AuntyJ]

HubbadubbaDub -I bought the Baby whispere book about a month ago to deal with my 5mths poor sleeping habits and it actually states that pu/pd should not be used for babies less than 4mths.
I found the book increadibly helpful and it has worked for me.

[HubbaDubbaDub]

Thanks AuntyJ. I'll buy the book I think, sounds like that would be better than winging it. If you're still around, what was the title of the book you bought as I know she's done more than one.

[Fizzylemonade]

Hubba- I have both How to connect/calm your baby by Tracey Hogg, also the The baby whisperer solves all your problems and watched her TV series on sky discover channel 5 years ago when it was first shown.

Since then I have re-watched it earlier this year, have had 3 friends find it a very good way to parent.

I read the No Cry Sleep Solution and actually started to do it with ds2 however, it takes a considerable amount of time to get them to realise that you are making changes. It seemed to me to be a half way approach between PU/PD and Controlled Crying -which I personally think is one of the cruelest things you can do to a baby.

Get the Baby Whisperer solves all your problems

see amazon

because it breaks everything down to age ranges and what is appropriate for that age. It is fantastic.

I actually did the shush pat with ds1 as he was very little but did PD with ds2 as he was 12 months old.

It helps when you have seen her put all this into action. Sadly she died from cancer a few years ago.

[Fizzylemonade]

To add - it helps if you start on a friday night as then you have time to catch up on sleep on the saturday as usually your dp/dh is there and he can look after your dd whilst you sleep and vice versa.

Also remember that if you give in part-way through this you will have put her through all that turmoil for nothing.

I sang a song in my head which I can't remember now but which basically said that I wasn't going to give in and as your daughter is so little it will take no time at all for her to learn a new way to sleep.

The series really helps you and if you want I can check what episodes I have on dvd. I sky+'d it for my friend who was about to have a baby and so I just copied the brand new baby stuff but I am sure I have the ones where she deals with older babies.

Let me know.