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How did/does co-sleeping affect relationship with DP/DH?

(19 Posts)
sleepdeprived Tue 21-Dec-04 14:56:56

We did a bit of co-sleeping (DS is now 11 months). But when we started TTC #2 we really found it incompatible ... I feel sometimes that I've missed out on something - I did like snuggling up with DS - but then bedtime has become one of my few opportunities for closeness with DP, too. Interested to hear your thoughts.

Fran1 Tue 21-Dec-04 15:30:16

We joke about "our" bedroom becoming mine and dd's. And dp to have the study as his bedroom if we put a single bed in there.

So yes i think you can say it has affected us!!

He normally ends up sleeping with his head on his pillow which is on the bedside table. As me and dd have an ability to twist horizontally in our sleep, kicking him out of bed!!

But on a serious note, we are desperate to get her to start sleeping alll night in her own bed. Let me know when you find the secret!

Mum2girls Tue 21-Dec-04 15:32:59

Every night DD2 ends up in our bed with either me or DP. Last night it was my turn and woke this morning sandwiched in between both DDs.

I would knock this on the head pronto if I knew how - DP and I have woken up together just once in the past 7 months .

SantaFio2 Tue 21-Dec-04 15:37:12

well my kids are the worst sleepers in the world and i miss waking up with dh, than again he has already left for work

Mum2girls Tue 21-Dec-04 15:48:52

I bet mine are worse than yours SantaFio....

SantaFio2 Tue 21-Dec-04 15:50:33

no mine are def worse

NotQuiteCockney Tue 21-Dec-04 16:26:47

This is a really delicate subject. I certainly find one thing that helps is having as big a bed as possible, and as big a duvet as possible. Also, the harder your bed is, the easier it is to roll over without waking the baby. With a big hard bed, and a big duvet, you can at least cuddle with dh, while the baby is a little ways away, sleeping happily.

I don't think we'll be doing longterm co-sleeping, anyway.

collision Tue 21-Dec-04 16:35:11

I was really strict with ds1 and am so soft now with ds2 as he sleeps with us and DH is NOT happy! The prob is that I take ds into bed to feed him. We feed lying down and we both nod off! It is so cosy and I dont bother to get up and put him back in his Moses basket.

DH said last night that he is taking over the feeding this week during the night so that he can put the baby back in his bed!! I can sleep!! Hurray! I do think it needs sorting out though as the longer it goes on for the harder it is to stop!

aloha Tue 21-Dec-04 16:53:15

I like to read in bed before I go to sleep. YOu can't do that and co-sleep. And to talk over my day with dh. But then again, when ds was small he was such a bad sleeper we had to sleep in shifts so were never in the same bed anyway. I did miss him.

Hulababy Tue 21-Dec-04 17:05:06

We co-slept with DD as a baby, then had a bedside cot until she was 16 months, and since then she normally pops into our rooma nd bed in the mornings, around 5-6am. Dh and I were adamanet that co-sleeping was not allowed to be come an either/or situation regards us being int he same bed though. DH and I have never slept seperately, and we do only have a normal double bed. The bedside cot helped with extra space, altough DD did normally creep back over into the big bed during the night.

DD also wasn't affected by light and noise either, so we were able to read in bed, watch Tv in bed, chat, have a cuppa, etc. whilst co-sleeping.

Hulababy Tue 21-Dec-04 17:06:34

NotQuiteCockney - agree witht he big duvet bit. Although we only have a normal double bed , our duvet is a king size one. So, even when DD slept on top of the duvet in her sleeping bag, the duvet was big enough for me and DH.

NotQuiteCockney Wed 22-Dec-04 08:13:32

Aloha, I read in bed, and talk to DH, and that works fine with DS2 and co-sleeping. If he's awake, he talks, too.

But he's pretty cheerful at night, thank goodness. Only rarely is he overtired and hard to put to sleep. DH has only pointed out once or twice that DS2 made noise in the night, normally he gets fed once he starts wiggling, before he shouts.

NotQuiteCockney Wed 22-Dec-04 09:07:40

Oh, and the big duvet is because we put the baby under the duvet. I make sure his head is out, though. I know they're not supposed to have duvets before the age of one, but I assume that's when they're on their own. Anyway, we're clear on almost all the things associated with cot death, so I'm not inclined to stress too much.

hercyulelog Wed 22-Dec-04 09:41:15

I cos leep and always read in bed as well. We have a super king size bed and i cant say it's affected our relationship at all.

MarsselectionboxLady Wed 22-Dec-04 09:44:54

We've been fine. Co-slept with all five, currently co-sleeping with the DTs. DH is the one who brings them to bed. Should we fancy a bit of the other we use other rooms and leave the babes sleeping. Have to admit though, far to tired for any of that at the moment. lol

merrykittymas Wed 22-Dec-04 10:02:49

DD sleeps under the duvet between me and DP as well. I sleep with my head at the level of her head so it's never goes over her head, I find myself waking in the night to check on her though and the duvet has never been over her head. DP has his own smaller duvet though cos ours is too warm for him. We have a cuddle before we go to bed, DD goes before us then we jump in beside her. A bit of the other is a bit of a pain right now as the spare room is full of stuff so we can't get the sofa bed out much. Hopefully things will be better once we move. Dp says he enjoys us all sleeping together but wishes we had a bit more room (we already have a kingsize bed)

alexsmum Wed 22-Dec-04 10:07:11

we co-slept with ds1 fr ages!!! and in a way it made our sex life mmore adventurous because it wan't just fall into bed atb the end of the day sex, it took more effort! living room etc . i liked us all sleeping together, it felt all cosy and safe.
not so keen on ds2 coming in our bed as he doesn't stay still for 2 seconds and kicks and flails in his sleep all the time!

aloha Wed 22-Dec-04 10:33:48

Aren't you all so lucky to be able to read and talk in bed with the baby asleep! Sometimes I do realise how incredibly difficult the first months with ds were.... he woke at ANYTHING! (oh, and at nothing too )

hercyulelog Wed 22-Dec-04 10:36:36

I think it would concern me more if I couldnt read in bed than how it affected my relationship with dh. I cant sleep without a winding down period. I was lucky that I was always able to read with ds and dd.

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