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sleeping with your child

42 replies

jinna · 15/11/2002 11:04

i have been sleeping with my baby since he was born - he is now 6 months. he is breastfeeding and so he has a quick drink when he wants- i told this to some friends and they made me feel that i was doing something wrong. the reason why he is in bed with me is that he is a very light sleeper and this is the only way i can guarantee some sleep and then am able to look after both my children . is there anyone else in the same situation

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WideWebWitch · 15/11/2002 11:20

No Jinna, but it if works for you go for it and try not to worry about what other people say and think. It's your decision and lots of people are very happy with co-sleeping.

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forest · 15/11/2002 11:28

yes, I co-sleep with my 7 month old. I found that I can get a good nights sleep knowing she is next to me. We are talking about moving her out but... I have to admit I love having her with us, I get to have cuddles, kisses and to smell her head whenever I want and she sleeps so contently.
I think it is a wonderful thing to do and I am so glad I have had this opportunity to sleep with her as I know she will soon grow up.

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Clarinet60 · 15/11/2002 11:42

I co-sleep the second half of the night (or morning, if he has slept through) and it works well (6 month old).
I did the same with DS1 and got the same mental comments. IGNORE THEM! You're doing nothing wrong, just making sure the 2 of you get plenty of kip, and that's best for everyone.

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sobernow · 15/11/2002 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigermoth · 15/11/2002 11:53

Jinna, if you and your baby are happy, go for it.

Looking at my own two sons, from birth one needed more night time physical closeness than the other. My eldest was more into eye contact and smiling. He loved a cuddle, but these tended to make him more awake. He never settled if he was with me at night - he wanted his own space even as a tiny baby.

From the day he was born, my youngest son would immediately stop crying if I lay down close to him. He always liked sleeping with me, and, as a baby settled very easily. I felt he had a strong need for physical closeness at night.

I do have to say that my youngest son, age 3, is not half as good a sleeper as my oldest. However, going to sleep on his own is not the issue - liveliness at night is the thing that keeps him awake now.

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jac34 · 15/11/2002 12:07

Hi Jinna,
My twin ds's always had us up at night, and as you said, it's the only way you can guarentee you get some sleep.We have only started putting our foot down over the last year or so,because they are getting so big(they are now 4). However, if their ill, and I want to keep an eye on them through the night, one of us will move into the spare room(we both will take turns) and they'll come in our bed for the night.

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megg · 15/11/2002 12:44

Jinna I echo everyone else if it works for you good luck. I think you should enjoy it while it lasts, for such small people kids tend to take up no end of room in the bed. My poor dp always ends up getting kicked black and blue from ds if ds shares a bed with us. He's 3 now though so when he does cuddle up its bliss for me. As they grow bigger I found I was glad when ds chose his own bed over mine. Babies have a horrible habit of laying diagonally.

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SueDonim · 15/11/2002 13:19

Jinna, if what you're doing suits you there's no need to change just because of someone else's comments. Babies slept in bed with their parents before cots were invented!! I've co-slept with all of mine at times but esp No4, who loved it. There's even a book called 'Three In a Bed' by ?Deborah Jackson if you wanted to read about co-sleeping.

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threeangels · 15/11/2002 14:29

My ds is now 2 and about 4-5 months ago he started waking up in the middle of the night crying. My dh and i share a room right now with him so we just put him in our bed thinking it was just needed a night or two (just for some comforting). He is over 2 and is still doing this. I know i could just let him cry and whine which might make him realize he needs to stay in his bed but its driving me CRAZY! I know I'll have to brake this soon or I'll have a preschooler in our bed before you know it. You know when you want sleep you'll do just about anything. I just wish I personally didnt even start this.

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threeangels · 15/11/2002 14:31

Oh and also wanted to say I dont find anything wrong with this idea. I just hate it personally myself because I'm almost on the floor every night. Him and dh are such bed hoggers.

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Joe1 · 15/11/2002 17:49

I have dd in with us, 7 weeks, to enable a good nights sleep and ds joins us most nights too. Dont worry what others say, they probably do it too.

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Clarinet60 · 15/11/2002 18:33

I have to say that although I co-sleep, 2 is perfect but 3 is a crowd. I can't stand it if there's more than me and ds2 in there, so bye-bye DH!

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Enid · 15/11/2002 20:11

Dd2 (4 weeks) and I co-sleep, but have both been banished to spare room. Unfortunately we only have a single bed and its a bit crowded.

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Mo2 · 15/11/2002 20:23

I co-slept with DS2 for the first 10 weeks or so, and although I think it's lovely and ever so snuggley I tended to get a dead arm or sleep too lightly etc for it to be a long term solution (DH was in spare room). However I DO think it helped to establish a sense of 'nightime is for sleeping' routine with my son, who already is SO much better at going to bed and sleeping than DS1 ever was (didn't co-sleep with him, as was too nervous/ anxious etc). DS2 is now 15 weeks and in his own cot and regularly sleeping 7 pm to 5am ..... BLISS.....

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Eulalia · 16/11/2002 11:31

Yes just ignore them, and contrary to popular opinion he will not stay in your bed forever... however be prepared for around 3 years. I slept with ds till he was about a year and then he'd spend part of the night in his cot but later reverted back to being with me all the time. However just before he turned 3 he went to his own bed and is quite happy there and will sleep straight through. I am now on next baby and she is sleeping with me - its all worked out really well for us. I think it is lovely for breastfeeding... however it is also bye bye DH but I feel babies are small for such a short time and I want to make the most of it. If you are happy with it then just go for it.

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anais · 16/11/2002 16:21

I still co-sleep for the second half of the night with dd who is 19months now. I keep saying I must get her into the cot as she is a bit of a restless sleeper, but I have a 4yr old ds to look after (on my own) too, and it's like you say - anything for some sleep!

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Java · 16/11/2002 17:51

I had both my boys in bed with me for a few months whilst I was breastfeeding. People tut-tutted and said that I'd never get them out, but as soon as they slept through the night, I started putting them in their cots after the final evening breastfeed. The transition was not a problem for either of them. Mind you I assume that the longer you leave it, the harder it is?

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karcoo · 16/11/2002 20:19

I co-slept with B until this week. He's 21 mnths. I finally got fed up with sharing my half of the bed with B and the cat and my partner having a whole half to himself, I also got fed up with the back ache and the broken sleep. I was given the book 'The New Baby and Toddler Sleep Programme' by Dr John Pearce. I read it, followed the 'in at the deep end' steps and wonderful I have had four nights of a whole half a bed to myself (I pushed the cat off the bed). I don't like leaving him to cry but after two nights he only cries for 10 minutes.

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sparkle · 17/11/2002 21:00

My DH and I have co-slept with our DS since about 8 months (he is now nearly 16 months). We have a king sized bed and so all manage to sleep comfortably but DS is a very restless and also light sleeper so I think we probably all disturb one another to some extent. He usually begins the night in his cot and then when he wakes a few hours later, we take him in with us. We are planning to try and get him sleeping through the night in his cot but as others have said, it is lovely to have that closeness and if you can manage a good nights sleep I would say go for it!

On another note, just over the last few nights DS has started to refuse going to bed, saying no, no, no and standing crying in his cot. It is taking a long time to settle him and he gets himself in a real state, coughing and spluttering. Is this normal for his age and is he just trying to be independent and make his own decisions?

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Lindy · 17/11/2002 21:28

My DS (20 months) will absolutely not co-sleep with us, we tried it a few times when he was a tiny baby, but he was always very restless & you could genuinely see the look of contentment when he was back in his own cot! We have a 6ft bed so there is plenty of room and we do try & bring him in with us occasionally for a cuddle but he absolutely hates it!! Selfishly, I tried to get him to sleep with me this week, DH was away & I was convinced (wrongly!!) there was an intruder in the house so I thought it would be safer to bring DS in with me but, as usual, he hated it & I had to return him to his cot & search out the non-existant burgler!

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Lollypop · 17/11/2002 22:35

The night dd was born the midwife tucked us up together and said good night. It was a lovely feeling. When she was tiny she came into our bed and slept & fed off and on. I think we all benefitted as this must have been easier than getting in and out of bed every night. She is now 2.5 and sleeping in her own bed is rarly a problem.
I think co-sleeping is a personal choice but as far as I know fine unless you or your partner have been drinking.

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Inkpen · 18/11/2002 20:07

I co-slept with dd, not from any plan, but just because I was feeding her myself and it was easier to lift her out of basket/cot next to bed and in with me, and go back to sleep while feeding. It was gorgeous and I enjoyed it as much as she did (except for a panicky night when I got the duvet too high up and found her under it - after that I wore warm pjs and kept it off both of us). Like someone else here has said, when she slept through the night she just transferred back to her cot without a hassle - I guess because she was used to starting the night there. There are still times now when dh is away and I positively hope that one of the kids will wake and come into bed with me because it takes me back to those happy baby days. You enjoy it, jinna.

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inga · 19/11/2002 19:41

Jinna, a few months ago I read an article in a newspaper about a survey (?) conducted in the US where they proved that co-sleeping had absolutely no psychological or developmental ill effects on children. The tests were conducted over a long period of time until the "children" were adult.
So enjoy.
I take mine into bed with me if he wakes early at 0500 and love dozing with him.

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megg · 20/11/2002 10:41

Ds (3) has had a cold this week so at various times through the night he's trotted into us, last night dp had had enough of being kicked in the back so he took off to ds' room, ds wriggled his way over to me and we cuddled up asleep together it was lovely.

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music · 25/11/2002 17:07

DD sleeps in bed with me and db from about 1am every night at the moment. Partly to do with teething and cold, but mainly because we both got sick of walking round bedroom for hrs till she'd gone back to sleep. She seems to be bf'ing quite a lot through the night again, but it gets her back to sleep, which works for everyone! I think it's really quite common unless you are happy to go through the 'leave them crying till they realise there's no point any more' thing, which I can't imagine being able to do. The way I see it, everyone needs phsical closeness and love, some more than others, so why should babys be any different. I know it's just down to personal choice, but most of us grow up to share a bed with our partners, but babys are supposed to learn to be alone?............ I aggree with most of the other replys here, just enjoy

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