Months of 2 yr old getting up at night

[AusParent21]

Hi everyone, I’m a concerned dad of a toddler who has just turned two. My concern is for both my boy and my wife. The problem we’re having at the moment is our little boy is waking up throughout the night, often multiple times, and simply won’t go back to sleep without his mum putting him back to bed, and more often than not with a cuddle.

For some background, we transitioned him out of cot and onto a mattres around Easter time, and then a few weeks later into his first big boy bed. Before this, when he was still in his cot, he was generally pretty good with his sleeping.

But since then it has been a nightmare for both him and us as parents. If he wakes in the night he will come into our room and if we don’t let him come into our bed he will scream the house down. Only rarely will we let him into bed in the middle of the night, we usually only let him in from around 4:30 / 5:00. If I try and put him back to bed he’ll just scream the place down and go to his mum, who at the moment, can’t even go to the bathroom without him getting upset.

So I was just wondering what advice anyone could possibly offer. Are we looking at a severe case of separation anxiety; night terrors - as he is sometimes quiet upset when he wakes in the night; a combination of the two or something else entirely?

I should also mention that this year he began day care, which he hated at first, and dropping him off was quite difficult as he would get very upset when either of us dropped him off. Now he is much better with it, however if his mum drops him off, he will still get very upset, which is why I always do the drop off.

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated.
Thank you.

[FATEdestiny]

The core reason for your problem is swapping from cot to bed too early.

Toddlers generally don't have the emotional regulation to settle in a bed (esp in the middle of the night when dark, alone and scared) until after 3rd birthday. Often closer to 4th birthday.

Why make this change so early?

If it was cot climbing, there are many more effective ways to deal with this. Changing to a bed too early usually creates many more problems than it solves.

[UpToMyElbowsInDiapers]

No helpful advice I’m afraid. I came to Mumsnet to post an almost identical situation (though in our case the change is a new sibling, not daycare). We’ve had 2 weeks of our 27-month-old waking up MORE than our two-week old. Heeeeeeelp!

[ohthejoysoftoddler]

Closer to the fourth birthday - mental!! Especially if you've potty trained your child.

We had a lot of this after moving out of a cot a few months ago, also coincided with a new sibling. We've just persevered with putting him back in, every time he comes out. We are back to getting nights where he doesn't get up, and I think it's just another one of those, show them what's best to do - ie get back in bed and in time they will stop.

But it's exhausting

[Amammai]

I think it’s relatively normal at that age, not that that really helps I know! You haven’t gone to a bed too early at all. We bed shared until around 2.5 and then gradually started taking him back to his own bed more frequently and lying with him in there. Now at 3.5 he sometimes still wake but will go back into his own bed after a cuddle. It will get better and you aren’t doing anything wrong, children just like to be close to their favourite people. Exhausting and inconvenient as it is!

[orangejuicer]

We went through this. It has got easier but only in the last month or so. It's brutal so do what you can to look after all of you and take naps when you can.

[AColdDuncanGoodhew]

No advice OP, I’m still going through this with my 4.5year old twins. One will sleep through the night most nights, if he wakes up he’s easy to settle and stays in his own bed. My daughter though, almost exactly like your post, will scream the house down if I dont go in.

We’ve done the exact same thing with both in terms of transitioning from cots to beds etc and i’ve ran out of ideas about what to do. I’m hoping she’ll just grow out of it soon