2 year old waking up early! Help please

[Newmummyuk]

Hi all

Really need some help/tips for my DD who has just turned 2.

We had a tough first year of her sleeping, however after trying the cry it out method one night when she turned 1 we were lucky enough to seen her sleep in her cot 7 till 7 (plus a good day nap) for a year.

Now she has turned 2 it’s gone out the window and suspect it’s the 2yr sleep regression? (Coupled with starting nursery, clock changes, getting brighter...who knows what else)

So since she turned 2 (2wks ago) she literally dropped all day naps and we struggled to get her to sleep and had to spent afew hrs doing the bedtime routine and still she cried and screamed. Managed to sort that out about a week ago and she settled well now, but now she is waking up 3.30am-4am wanting only one thing, us! Struggling with 1) having to wake up at this time daily isn’t going to be sustainable and 2) we bring her into our bed at this point and even though she might fall asleep for abit is so fidgety it’s not fun for us and we don’t really get much sleep.

Has anyone been through this before and what worked? Is this just the regression? I also worried she will become dependent on this and it becomes a routine.

Some points that might help

• the day naps have definitely gone. She just isn’t interested, but we still have chill time at 1 with blankets on sofa. No sleeping happens. There have been afew days she has been close to closing eyes but never sleeps
  
• fairly certain she isn’t hungry or anything like that
  
• room is blacked out so no light is waking her
  
• still has cot and grobag but it works as she sleeps till 3.30am
  
• is still wears nappies but are trying potty training unsuccessfully
  
• has dummy and comforter but again neither of these work when she wakes up. They do help settle her at 7pm though
  
• bedtime routine is bath and books and eventually she is down asleep between 7am - 7.20am.
  

Thanks

[CatCup]

Is she cold?

[Newmummyuk]

No I don’t think it’s temperature. It’s been getting warmer if anything recently.

[Newmummyuk]

I’m considering an early sleep time as apparently that works, but pre 7pm seems so early?!

I should add when she wakes up she is standing in the cot looking where the camera is and screaming for us. We have tried to let her cry method afew times, but she seems too old for that now. We didn’t try for too long (15mins) so maybe she would just go down if we stuck it out longer?

[arcof]

You are being extremely cruel to leave your child to cry for 15 minutes. She is not an adult, she need her parents.
What harm does it do to go and comfort her. Would you leave her to cry for that long in the day time? If not, why would you do so at night? You had a child and they need you!

Bring her into bed when she wakes up and live with it, it won't last forever. You could always do shifts with your husband, one stays in bed with her some nights and one goes to the couch at 3.30 or whatever. Please stop leaving her to cry.

(And if anyone wants to jump on me for being judgmental, I am not interested!)

[Newmummyuk]

Well you have been judgemental yourself there. It worked when she was over one and have seen others say it had worked so it was worth a shot once or twice. She also cried when we left her at nursery the first few days - perhaps we should have just taken her back and should home school for next 16 years.....

Anyway, anyone else will some tips would be appreciated.

[Bringonspring]

To be honest I think you are expecting a little too much, they go through these phases and both of mine did at that age, they become more aware of their surroundings whether they wake and rather than just settle they get frightened and this is where they need comfort.

It’s different to when they are babies and they need to learn to self settle, my 2?were genuinely scared and then it would have been mean to leave them.

Equally you need sleep, we got rid of the cot and got a double bed, then if one woke we would just climb into their bed and they would settle and everyone would at least sleep.

[absolutehush]

Maybe too much change at once? 2 is young for potty training, maybe stop for a few weeks and see if it improves. I find if my DD has too many expectations changed at once she sleeps poorly.

I also think that you need to focus on her staying in her cot in a gentle way. So she wakes up - is she distressed? If so comfort her, cuddle. But pop in cot! Sit in room. I. Sight, but not touching - lots of 'mummy will stay here but you need to lie down' chat. Repeat as needed. Hopefully she will drift off and you can sneak out! Take it in turns with the husband, so you're getting proper sleep every other night.

I read something that said avoid bringing them into your bed as they love it - it's a reward - so of course they will wake up!

[sittingonacornflake]

Maybe try everybody going to sleep much, much earlier so everyone has a bit more sleep.

My 3yo usually goes to sleep around 6-30/6:45 but wakes 5:30-6. But if he goes to sleep at 8:30 he will still wake up at the exact same time but me more tired the next day.

[Ohpulltheotherone]

I would maybe swap out the gro bag for a duvet. Mine tended to get themselves tangled up in it once they got bigger, both slept with a toddler duvet from about 1 years.
I agree with not bringing her into your bed, if you’re not able to get back to sleep with her in there anyway then it makes no difference to just sit in her room with her. Keep the light off, give her a cuddle and don’t engage more than “it’s time to go back to sleep now”
Take it in turns with your partner so you are both getting reasonable amount of sleep.

Perhaps knock the potty training on the head, if she isn’t ready for it then there’s no point in forcing it, just turned 2 is early for it.

In terms of day napping I would try to get her back into the habit. The over-tiredness will be causing a significant cortisol buildup and it becomes a viscous cycle hence her waking really early.

You know what it’s like when you have lots of late nights and get over tired, you think you’re going to sleep in till 10 and find yourself awake at 6am!

Really try to reintroduce day naps, again you can go in the room with her, in the dark and let her drift off. I tell my DC a story sometimes, not from a book but just make it up. The sound of your voice is soothing and could help her nod off.

[MaMaD1990]

It's awful when you've gotten used to some sleep! We did a version of cry it out where when she wakes we go in lay her back down and leave her to cry for 2 mins, go back in and do the same, doubling the time we go in each time (so 2mins, 4 mins, 8 mins 16 mins etc). I would say bringing her into your bed will likely form a new habit so wouldn't encourage it too much, but understand tiredness gets the best of you all. I'd try a slightly earlier bed time, perhaps 6.30 and see how she goes. Regression could be at play, especially if she's refusing naps and some quiet time with a blanket is a good idea whilst she's refusing them. Sorry I don't have any earth shattering advice, it's just what we did!

[Kittykat93]

Have you tried a gro clock? Go in when she cries but dont get her up, just sit by the bed and comfort her! You dont want her to start associating the bed negatively..if you keep leaving her crying in there that could happen.

[Orangeinmybluelightcup]

I would say she's dropped her nap you need to put her to bed earlier to compensate. Over tiredness could be causing this, like you've wondered. I would also suggest getting a night light, my ds suddenly needed one at this age. Get one thats red, blue light can interfere with melatonin (sleep hormone).

[ManicPixie]

@arcof

You are being extremely cruel to leave your child to cry for 15 minutes. She is not an adult, she need her parents.
What harm does it do to go and comfort her. Would you leave her to cry for that long in the day time? If not, why would you do so at night? You had a child and they need you!

Bring her into bed when she wakes up and live with it, it won't last forever. You could always do shifts with your husband, one stays in bed with her some nights and one goes to the couch at 3.30 or whatever. Please stop leaving her to cry.

(And if anyone wants to jump on me for being judgmental, I am not interested!)

CIO isn’t cruel, in the right circumstances it works wonders for both patent and child. This forum’s aversion to it is borders on hysterical and cult-like.

[Marshy86]

Hey OP,

So sorry to hear you having trouble, have you tried going in and sitting with her ? I'd recommend 1st night - put her back down and stroke her hair / sing a lullaby ect. 2nd night move chair a step away but stay in the room until she settles, 3rd night same but move another step away and so on until you get to the door ? Anything is worth a try, my Aunty is an old school ex midwife and HV and says the cry it out method continues to be the most successful sleep training method even today she still keeps up to date with everything reading all the scientific articles, so well done of previous success. Stick to your boundaries with her and you will get there

[Angliski]

I agree on the earlier to bed- especially if a nap has been dropped. OP, can you see any visual cues for tiredness earlier in the eve? My DS is 15 months, when he doesn’t nap in the day, by 5.30 he has rings round his eyes and starts biting everyone! So we park him as soon as he needs. Bedtime is normally 7, if he has had a normal 2 hours or so nap.

I was worried that putting him down earlier would result in earlier waking, but it didn’t. Hope that helps.

[Newmummyuk]

Thanks all - great ideas.

The comfort thing isn’t really working when she wakes - she just stands in the cot wanting to be picked up. She can do this for a long time without giving in I think.

Will drop potty training for now and look to bring forward bedtime and see if that works. She has moments of looking tired by 2.30/3 but really fights off falling asleep. Also that’s abit late for my liking.

We will also try to get the naps back in.