14/15 month old - all I do is cry. Different advice everywhere!!

(23 Posts)
LillyMac500 Sat 23-Jan-21 08:26:19

I feel like I’ve been asking the same question forever 😭
My DD has never been the best sleeper. Not horrendously bad, but we just can’t seem to get a good regular sleep from her at night.
Since she turned one - 12 weeks ago - she either has a split night or 4/5am waking. Last night she was awake from 130-430!! Night before she slept through to 430, day before 5am, day before she was awake from 1030pm-2am. There is no rhyme or reason, her day/nights are the same, she has a 2 hour nap from 1215-215, which I normally always have to wake her from as I’m always worried it’ll affect nights. We went back and forth to 2 naps, but she’s firmly set on 1 now, and it does seem to suit. We’ve tried everything in the night - leaving her to cry, giving her a bottle, lifting her, not lifting her. We’ve even tried putting the light on dim and leaving her to it with some toys in the cot. Worked one night, but then not last night.
I bought the Just Chill Mama sleep package for £45 I’d say a waste of money as theres not much different to what is on her insta page, although did help with going to bed. It was essentially a CIO method, and it didn’t work perfectly but we have less of a bedtime battle and the odd night she doesn’t cry going to bed. She suggests split nights are due to too much day sleep. Another sleep consultant on Instagram (yes, I follow them all to no avail), says it’s from being under tired . I honestly can’t tell which it is, if any.
Sorry for rambling as usual, I’m tired of crying and feeling like the world’s worst mother cause my poor baby isn’t getting a full night sleep 😭

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Aimee1987 Sat 23-Jan-21 08:33:36

I'm going to throw a spanner in that theory sometimes it can be from overtiredness.
Try letting the baby sleep as much as she wants in her nap ( but not past 4.00).
Also we have just added supper of a slice of toast and a bit of fruit to my sons day ( hes only 12 months) and that seems to help him get through.
My advice for when shes awake during the night is keep her in her room so she doesnt think its awake time.
How is she during the day is she over tired? Is there anything going on that would disturb her sleep such as teething ( would calop or neurofen help?). My son has allergies and our terrible nights like that is when hes reacting to something.

Aimee1987 Sat 23-Jan-21 08:49:33

I read the sleep solution by Lucy Wolfe but I just took some of the bits I felt fitted me

BirdIsland Sat 23-Jan-21 09:47:21

You have my sympathy, my 14 month old has always been a terrible sleeper, but we have seen improvement in the last couple of months after speaking to a sleep consultant. Things that worked for us:

• an absolutely consistent routine at bedtime. Bath, sleeping bag, two stories, sip of water, lights out and into bed. She is now at a stage where she might stand up once and shout a bit, but then lays down, chats to herself and goes happily to sleep. We potter around outside her room so she can hear us, occasionally reminding her it's sleeping time.

• no milk in the night (unless really distressed or ill). She stays in her cot if she wakes in the night, we keep it really boring and just go in every minute to lay her down/reassure her. We offer her water. We say the same phrase to her over and over again - "it's sleeping time" or similar.

• are you sure she's not teething or similar? My DD has been getting her molars for what feels like forever, two are through but still two to come. She has the occasional good night, but then a run of bad ones where the teething pain is definitely worse. On those nights even the nurofen/Calpol combo sometimes doesn't help. She gets cuddles and occasionally milk on those nights, not recommended by the sleep consultant but something I personally feel is necessary to comfort my upset baby!

• maybe let her sleep longer in the day. My DD can sleep until 3 and it doesn't affect her 7pm bedtime.

Sorry if you've tried all of this, I know how frustrating it is when people are telling you to try things you've tried a million times!

LillyMac500 Sat 23-Jan-21 12:52:42

@BirdIsland @Aimee1987 thank you for the detailed responses, I think I’ll try letting her sleep longer this afternoon- whats the worst that can happen 🙈 It just feels like we cannot get a decent run. I’m not sure if she’s teething, it doesn’t seem like she is and I can’t feel any coming in. She only has 5 teeth so far mind you.
To be fair there has been an improvement and she’s going down better, just the long night wakings. She gets plenty fresh air too, so it’s not that, has been walking since she turned 1 and her eats fairly well. We keep her in the her room at night when she wakes, keeping it all boring. It’s only a couple of times that DH has thought ‘sod this’ and put her dimmer light on - twice she played for 10/15 mins then went to sleep, but last night/this morning I ended up having to go back in to put the light off and get her back to sleep after 3 hours 🙈 xx

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Aimee1987 Sun 24-Jan-21 10:21:09

I'm curious did letting her sleep longer help?

LillyMac500 Sun 24-Jan-21 11:44:58

@Aimee1987 not really 🙈 She was a bit nearly going to bed, had to go in and resettle - just once though. But woke up at 450 and refused to go back to sleep. Left her a long time, went in and tried to resettle. Nothing worked. DH ended up getting up with her at 6 🙈 Will try again today though 🤞

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LillyMac500 Sun 24-Jan-21 12:06:06

Narky, not nearly 🙈

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LillyMac500 Mon 25-Jan-21 08:03:16

And the same again last night 😭😭 Had a 2.5hr nap til 2.45pm, in bed happy at 7.15 asleep by 7.35. Awake at 1.15-3.45 😭😭😭 Tried ignoring her but she got progressively louder. Didn’t want DH in with her so I eventually took her into spare bed as she was so upset. Managed to calm her down, cuddles (hoping we could both sleep), and she wanted to play. Gave up & pit her back in her cot at 3.30 and she fell asleep til 7.20. Surely a total of 9.5hrs broken overnight sleep is not enough at 14 months old 😭😭

Hate this, hate this, hate this. If it’s a phase, it’s a hell of a long one 😭😭😭

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raspberrysmum Mon 25-Jan-21 09:54:01

Hi. I do feel your pain. My now 4 year old didn't sleep for more than 40 mins at a time from 1-2.5 yrs. I was going to work crying from lack of sleep. It was horrendous. A colleague of mine recommended trying a cranial osteopath, at that stage I would have tried anything.
I brought her to him and he was saying because she was full of gas it was pushing all her diaphragm etc up which was stopping her from getting a full nights sleep. She does suffer from constipation Three sessions with him and she has slept for 12 hours straight since, waking the odd time but it's very rare.
I'm not saying it will work for you but if your like me, I was at the end of my tether and would try anything and it worked, thank god.
Best of luck. A colleague once said to me, your a great mum and it's nothing your doing wrong. And I'm saying the same to you. Good luck

raspberrysmum Mon 25-Jan-21 10:00:59

Sorry should have said it was stopping her taking a deep enough breath to fall into a deep sleep

FATEdestiny Mon 25-Jan-21 10:24:47

although did help with going to bed. It was essentially a CIO method, and it didn’t work perfectly but we have less of a bedtime battle and the odd night she doesn’t cry going to bed.

Can you explain more how baby goes from being fully awake until fast asleep- what happens to make this happen at bedtime?

LillyMac500 Mon 25-Jan-21 11:59:28

@raspberrysmum thank you. Sometimes it is just nice to hear someone say that know how you feel and it’s not that I’m a bad mum. I’ll definitely look into a cranial osteopath x

@FATEdestiny she’s put down awake and faffs about a little then will fall asleep herself. She’s actually done this since about 7 months, but for a period after turning 1 was fighting bedtime, as well as the night wake ups, hence buying the Just Chill Mama package 🤦‍♀️ She’s been on one nap for a good few weeks and seems fine with that, we did it gradually with some days 1, some days until she settled well for 1 long nap. Has absolutely no problem going to sleep and staying asleep for her nap. She has a dummy and small cuddly teddy.

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FATEdestiny Mon 25-Jan-21 13:04:37

So when you put her in the cot, she lies down, cries for a bit then goes to sleep?

Does she pull to standing up when upset in the cot? If she does what do you do? How long does she cry for?

Do you put her in the cot standing (for her to lie down herself) or do you physically lie her down?

LillyMac500 Mon 25-Jan-21 13:46:54

Yes, put her in her cot lying down, she rolls around, sometimes cries (not as much now - last few nights either not at all or a minute or so) then goes to sleep.
She sits up when upset, the odd time will pull herself to standing, but mainly sitting up (she’s in a sleeping bag)
We’ve tried leaving her for a good 15-20 mins (not often as she gets too upset) when she wakes in the night. We’ve tried shush pat, we’ve tried feeding (she’s been night weaned for a long time), we’ve tried cuddling and letting her sleep on us and we’ve also as last resort put a dim light on - which actually worked twice, but not since. Generally, nothing seems to get her back to sleep other than being awake for 2-3 hours.

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FATEdestiny Mon 25-Jan-21 14:12:21

put her in her cot lying down

An easy-win in your situation is to start by teaching her to lie down herself and at the same time to follow basic instructions (like lie down). This is a common stage to go through around 12 months.

So during the daytime play instruction following games - things like sit down, stand up, lie down, touch your nose, hand in the air etc etc (make it a game, lots of praise).

Then at bedtime fully stop putting her in the cot any other way apart from stood up. Likewise don't give her a dummy or put it in her mouth. Put her in cot stood up, put dummy into cot, ask her to lie down and settle with dummy. The aim is to always, every time, do this fully independently.

FATEdestiny Mon 25-Jan-21 14:19:07

Then if she wakes in the middle of the night (Before 5am) you need to respond to her quickly. The quicker you respond the less fully awake she will get. Ensure she has her dummy and ask her to lie down and settle. If not, lift and cuddle but then back into cot stood up - ask her yo lie down and settle. Just keep repeating this over and over and over again.

Wake ups from 5am, with a 7pm (ish) bedtime then it's reasonable to expect a 5am morning wake up. You need a later bedtime to resolve that. Expected night sleep at this age is around 11h but a range of 10h-12h would be considered normal.

So is push bedtime much later in the short term. Do this by making lunchtime nap much later and longer. It would not be unreasonable yo sleep 1pm - 4pm or even 12pm-4pm on days when she's had a very disrupted night. That should let you push bedtime to 8pm-9pm, maybe even 9.30pm. This isn't a long term bedtime, just as a way to shift her wake up later.

LillyMac500 Tue 26-Jan-21 10:54:06

Thanks @FATEdestiny, will give that a go 🤞🤞🤞

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LillyMac500 Sun 18-Apr-21 13:28:24

So I’m still here with the regular night wake up lasting 1-3 hours. Just wondering if anyone else has faced something similar and got through the other side without wanting to jump out a window 😭😭😭

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MyCatHatesOtherCats Wed 21-Apr-21 20:34:37

No but I’m about to post a thread of my own! We had a long phase of our now 15 month old waking for up to 2 hours in the middle of the night. He has stopped doing that but I can honestly say nothing we did made any difference....I’m not sure if that helps?!

Londonlady92 Tue 20-Jul-21 08:44:05

Did this ever pass for you? Going through the same sad

LillyMac500 Sat 24-Jul-21 12:22:26

@Londonlady92 hello sorry for the late reply. My DD is 20m now, and we’re only just starting to get some consistent nights - although this has been after final caving and getting a sleep consultant. Hubby thinks it’s coincidence, but it’s clearly helped! The advice was around age appropriate wake windows and keeping a set method of settling, not picking up after settling her down for the night. It’s mostly common sense stuff, but we clearly needed the guidance x

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Mattieandmummy Sun 25-Jul-21 05:06:49

I do sympathise as my DD slept in the same pattern but split night sleeping and waking up early are entirely normal. The best advise I got during that time was to go to bed early yourself and catch up with sleep at the weekend

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