Cry it out

(40 Posts)
lou250820 Wed 13-Jan-21 13:53:49

What's everyone experience or feeling on cry it out

OP’s posts: |
sunsetorange Thu 14-Jan-21 18:54:10

Couldn't do it personally. It distresses me more than my child when they cry, sorry!

Sophagain Thu 14-Jan-21 18:55:04

I think it’s awful. Really cruel and lazy.

lcdododo Thu 14-Jan-21 19:00:55

Horrible

MrsDeadlock Thu 14-Jan-21 19:01:04

Saved our sanity (can't overstate this enough, baby was waking 15x per night).

I hated it, absolutely hated it. But it worked very quickly.

I now have two well adjusted and very happy kids who can sleep 12 hours straight.

Lots of peers continued with different methods akin to attachment parenting styles. They still do not have good sleepers at primary school and it has really taken its toll on parents and child.

PlinkPlink Thu 14-Jan-21 19:05:41

Awful. For us personally.

Studies have shown that even though your baby stops crying, their cortisol levels (stress hormone) stay the same. You're basically just teaching your baby that you won't respond to their cries.

There are gentler ways.

Try Sarah Ockwell-Smith. She has a whole book on it and its fabulous.

Ohalrightthen Thu 14-Jan-21 19:05:47

Cry it out is cruel. Controlled crying is fine.

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ZadieZadie Thu 14-Jan-21 19:10:06

We did controlled crying (some people use 'cry it out' to mean literally leaving a baby crying all night, which I suspect you're not planning).

It was brilliant. In two nights, like PP, she went from taking 2hs (most of it crying)to get to sleep, then mostly only staying asleep while attached to my boob, to doing 12hs with two short wake ups.

The longest she cried for was 20 mins, so she actually cried less than when I was trying to rock her to sleep.

Plus I was literally hallucinating with tiredness beforehand.

I totally get people saying 'I couldn't do it' - listening to your baby cry, even for a brief time, and not giving in to your natural response is very tough. But I couldn't not have done it without ending up in a very dark place mentally.

LizFlowers Thu 14-Jan-21 19:10:51

Never.

ZadieZadie Thu 14-Jan-21 19:12:46

@PlinkPlink I'd be interested in knowing which studies? When I've looked into this all the ones showing negative affects are where they lump controlled crying in with serious neglect, which is obviously very biased and not right.

If you've read different ones it would be great to see.

N4ish Thu 14-Jan-21 19:14:10

Could never do it personally, just couldn’t handle listening to my baby cry and purposely not doing anything to comfort it.

MrsDeadlock Thu 14-Jan-21 19:14:58

Yep - I meant controlled crying, which sometimes gets called cry it out.

If you're meaning just ignoring them whilst they cry all night then no, that's just abuse.

ShirleyPhallus Thu 14-Jan-21 19:16:51

Ohalrightthen

Cry it out is cruel. Controlled crying is fine.

Agreed

And the ones who say controlled crying is cruel are usually the ones who tell you to bed share and are still being woken up multiple times a night when the child is 3 and the husband has been pushed in to the spare room

doadeer Thu 14-Jan-21 19:21:44

Do you mean controlled crying where you go back and comfort at regular intervals but don't pick them up or do you mean literally leaving your baby to cry? If the latter that is too cruel for me.

Ohalrightthen Thu 14-Jan-21 19:22:47

@ShirleyPhallus and then they complain that their marriage is falling apart.

lcdododo Thu 14-Jan-21 19:23:31

usually the ones who tell you to bed share and are still being woken up multiple times a night when the child is 3 and the husband has been pushed in to the spare room

But there is nothing wrong with this

lcdododo Thu 14-Jan-21 19:24:10

Ohalrightthen

*@ShirleyPhallus* and then they complain that their marriage is falling apart.


If your marriage falls apart simply because your husband sleeps in the spare room for a few years then your marriage has deeper issues

Ginflinger Thu 14-Jan-21 19:24:53

Controlled crying saved us.

Ohalrightthen Thu 14-Jan-21 19:28:24

lcdododo

*usually the ones who tell you to bed share and are still being woken up multiple times a night when the child is 3 and the husband has been pushed in to the spare room*

But there is nothing wrong with this

Sure, if you're enjoying it, go ahead! I personally like sleep, and sex, and time alone with my partner.

lcdododo Thu 14-Jan-21 19:29:22

@Ohalrightthen

You do realise there are more places to have sex than just the bed?

NewYearNewOldMe Thu 14-Jan-21 19:33:21

I don't agree with sleep training, and I couldn't do cry it out/ controlled crying myself. However I refuse to judge parents that do choose these methods, in the same way I hope not to be judged for cosleeping.

Fwiw, DS was up every 2hrs for 18m.and then, just like that, he wasn't and now sleeps 12-13hrs overnight. No sleep training. We coslept in our bed when he was very small, and then moved him to his own room, and own floorbed, at around 7m. I / my husband slept with him after his first wake up for a few months. And then he stopped waking up.

And my marriage is very good.

I appreciate that what has worked for me night not work for someone else. I appreciate that all babies and all parents are different. It's about finding what works for you.

Ohalrightthen Thu 14-Jan-21 19:33:39

lcdododo

*@Ohalrightthen*

You do realise there are more places to have sex than just the bed?

Well, in my house the options are bed, livingroom sofa (where my kid sits, ewww, no) and the kitchen counter (also no). I'm too old to be having weird acrobatic sex in odd places, i like it how i like it, in bed.

I see you ignored my points about sleep, and time with my husband too.

Generally, the people who's marriages are falling apart with the cosleeping toddlers and the husbands in the spare room are the people who completely neglected their relationship post kids. It happens a lot.

user86329 Thu 14-Jan-21 19:35:41

Horrible cruel unnecessary behaviour

UncleBunclesHouse Thu 14-Jan-21 19:42:20

Controlled crying on occasion has worked wonders - I could tell though if he was really not going to settle and would do ‘camping out’ on those days and just stay with him. But sometimes you could tell it was going to be short lived and actually faffing about being in the room and picking up etc made it worse. Tried a few things before this, pick up put down just sent him into a rage, this worked brilliantly as long as I was tuned in to if it was genuine upset

lcdododo Thu 14-Jan-21 19:59:10

* Generally, the people who's marriages are falling apart with the cosleeping toddlers and the husbands in the spare room are the people who completely neglected their relationship post kids. It happens a lot.*

What a broad generalisation. I wonder how many people you have spoken to in order to come to such a conclusion.

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