Screaming before napping

(25 Posts)
LCUK Mon 11-Jan-21 07:43:04

My 10month old baby will only nap if rocked to sleep...but cries & physically ‘fights’ me the entire time (which can be half hour) He naps same time daily, white noise, black out blinds etc. How do I get out of this?! If I get him drowsy & put him down he immediately wakes & will stand up EVERY TIME. He doesn’t particularly cry then, but def won’t go to sleep. He’s a very very high energy baby & sleeps really well (once the battle to get him to sleep is over 😢 ) HELP!

OP’s posts: |
Ohalrightthen Mon 11-Jan-21 07:46:07

Have you thought about sleep training? We had this issue with DD, she fought us so hard for sleep, and we actually found that letting her fight it out alone (with us popping back in every 2min or so to reassure) worked a LOT better. First few days it was half an hour or more, but by the end of the week we were putting her down in her cot and leaving the room, and she'd be asleep in minutes.

Whyistheteacold Mon 11-Jan-21 07:49:31

My DD is 4 months old and does this, so leaving her alone to work it out herself is not an option. Placemarking to see what other suggestions you get op, but my sympathies are with you!! 😭😂

milandahhhling Mon 11-Jan-21 07:51:19

Sounds like you've got a good sleep environment but that your lo needs to learn how to go to sleep independently without your help.

If you are getting lots of crying pre-nap it could be under or over tiredness so I would look at your routine and balance during the day- it's much easier for them to settle if they are the right amount of tired!

If baby keeps standing up I would be tempted to leave them to do that rather than keep lying them back down, so they can learn how to settle themselves into a comfy position for sleep independently. You don't need to leave the room if that makes you uncomfortable.

milandahhhling Mon 11-Jan-21 07:54:36

Should add...if he's tired he will go to sleep eventually. You may have to grit teeth and bring a book, sit by the cot and wait it out. You'll be there so no need to feel guilty about leaving him if you're not comfortable too. At first it will take tears and time because he's used to you helping him but he will learn smile
And it's a very valuable skill for him to have x

Astraturf Mon 11-Jan-21 07:58:23

How long are you going between naps? Can you try half an hour earlier? Mine was a strict 3hours between naps from about 6 - 18 months and it was a real struggle if she was kept awake.

MzHz Mon 11-Jan-21 08:10:23

My now hulking great teen used to get apoplectic before naps when he was tiny.

I moved the naps to regular and earlier and started the process of nap preparation earlier, and evening sleep too, always bath bottle/feed then bed. He liked the routine of it.

It worked and changed things in a couple of days.

Would he lie down next to you? Just so he’s resting, you could read to him and just be calm and give him a pause.

He’ll get through this. I know you think it’ll never end, but it will. (((Hug)))

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Loukifre Mon 11-Jan-21 08:21:06

It's really hard. My 9 month old has always been like this. We always held and rocked her to almost asleep and put her down, but she was resisting more and more and it was taking 45 minutes just to get her down for naps and 2.5 hours to bedtime. It was killing us. She always slept though the night once down, but naps were a joke. Rocking for that long and being screamed at and hair pulled was killing us.

A few days ago I finally decided to sleep train. Give her a cuddle, same white noise, dark room, sleeping bag, but pop her down and leave the room. Then we did ferber, go in and check at 3, 5, 7, 10 minute intervals, but only if she is continually crying. If she's stop start whinging, you leave her to it. When checking on her, go in, just reassure don't pick up, and leave again.

Did naps and bedtime together. First time was her first nap of the day. It was hard but didn't even get to 7 minutes before she actually fell asleep herself. She's not done that since she was born.

We're still establishing it at the moment as only been a few days. But I wish I'd done it sooner. No longer am I a stressful mess with a broken back. And DD actually had a 2 hour nap yesterday? Unheard of!

Do what works for your baby. Good luck

LCUK Mon 11-Jan-21 08:35:35

Thank you! I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in the struggle, and also that you’re finding it’s working. The idea of him just ‘falling asleep’ by himself feels like a distant dream at the moment, but as you say, my aching back, pulled hair, fragile mental state can’t take much more of this 😅 Maybe I’ll try on a day my OH is around too, for moral support!

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WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo Mon 11-Jan-21 08:38:20

He sounds overstimulated to me.........my DD used to do this. We worked it out one day when I had to put her down to sort something else out. Within 30 seconds after a good roar she was fast asleep.

LCUK Mon 11-Jan-21 08:39:37

Thank you! & glad to hear you’re not still rocking your teen to sleep now (I have nightmares involving still doing this in 15years time 😳 )
Unfortunately he won’t lie still next to me at all, just a constant crawler etc.
I think perhaps earlier might help (though that always feels counter intuitive doesn’t it!)
Thank you! It has to end at some point!

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LaBellina Mon 11-Jan-21 08:42:28

Could be overtiredness.
Perhaps let your baby have his nap a bit earlier? I also noticed mine sleeps better when he has eaten something before he has a nap so usually I give him a snack and a bottle of milk, change his nappy and theb he naps.

Loukifre Mon 11-Jan-21 10:10:28

LCUK

Thank you! I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in the struggle, and also that you’re finding it’s working. The idea of him just ‘falling asleep’ by himself feels like a distant dream at the moment, but as you say, my aching back, pulled hair, fragile mental state can’t take much more of this 😅 Maybe I’ll try on a day my OH is around too, for moral support!

It's definitely worth it. My DD sounds very similar to your baby. Very spirited, and never been one to just fall asleep. I remember my MIL was just like "just keep her up and hold her til she falls asleep". I was like are you mental? She will literally just turn into the most whiny screaming baby, rubbing her eyes, but fall asleep? As if!? She can be up for 7 hours like this! I remember a few times out of desperation I just lay down with her pretending to be asleep and she just whinged constantly whilst eye rubbing!

When it takes far longer to get her to nap than she actually naps, and this is a long term problem, I knew something had to change. I tried all sorts of different nap timings, but nothing seemed to make a difference.

I'm now on day 3 of this method. It's so wonderful to just put her down and say sleepy sleeps and go downstairs with the camera and get breakfast! I honestly feel like I'm finally coming out of a dark cloud. I was obsessed with her naps, and it was really affecting me.

She played around for about 20 minutes (unheard of until now!) Then she whinged on and off for another 20 minutes. No actual cry so didn't even start a timer. Then she fell asleep.

I'm assuming this will get quicker as she gets used to falling asleep on her own. I'm so proud of her and happy I could cry

LCUK Mon 11-Jan-21 11:47:02

@Loukifre Omg I have the same with my mum saying ‘maybe he’s just not tired’...while he’s rubbing his eyes and screaming.
I’m definitely going to try what youre doing from tomorrow. Naps have become such a major source of stress for me, somethings got to change (I wish I had tried to change it when he was smaller!)

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moonriver32 Mon 11-Jan-21 16:51:54

My 4 month old does the same. We do his little pre nap routine and the minute he goes into his sleeping bag he kicks off - he knows what's coming next I assume. I currently hold him for naps otherwise he wakes up after 10/20 minutes but even so - he is thrashing, kicking, screaming, spitting his dummy out... Until eventually he gives in and goes to sleep. Never used to do this, was quite a gentle procedure before but in the last couple of weeks every sleep is a battle. I find the whole undertired/overtired thing so hard because if they both show themselves in the same way how the hell are you meant to know which one it is?!

LCUK Mon 11-Jan-21 18:00:31

moonriver32

My 4 month old does the same. We do his little pre nap routine and the minute he goes into his sleeping bag he kicks off - he knows what's coming next I assume. I currently hold him for naps otherwise he wakes up after 10/20 minutes but even so - he is thrashing, kicking, screaming, spitting his dummy out... Until eventually he gives in and goes to sleep. Never used to do this, was quite a gentle procedure before but in the last couple of weeks every sleep is a battle. I find the whole undertired/overtired thing so hard because if they both show themselves in the same way how the hell are you meant to know which one it is?!

It’s the same with our baby. The sleeping bag seems to be the ‘trigger’. He started this about 4months too (sorry that may not be reassuring!) but I feel like I dragged my heels actually doing anything 😳
The under/over tired thing is so hard to navigate too and I also find some days I expect him to be tired he isn’t...and then other days he’s overtired like an hour or 2 after waking 🤷🏼‍♀️

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MzHz Mon 11-Jan-21 18:46:38

LCUK

*@Loukifre* Omg I have the same with my mum saying ‘maybe he’s just not tired’...while he’s rubbing his eyes and screaming.
I’m definitely going to try what youre doing from tomorrow. Naps have become such a major source of stress for me, somethings got to change (I wish I had tried to change it when he was smaller!)

When my son was tired he would go into what I called turbo.

To the outside he’d look like he was full of energy when actually he was fighting the sleep.

Take the sleep time back a bit, and use signals to him to sleep and he will get there

You are going to to get through this

MzHz Mon 11-Jan-21 18:49:51

I also spent one complete night from 1am to 6.45am without stopping to try to rock him to sleep. He wouldn’t even allow me to sit to rock him! My Achilles were swollen by the time he finally gave in.

That was when he was about 18m. That was when I sleep trained him.

You can definitely do this

MzHz Mon 11-Jan-21 18:51:49

Another thing I found was if ds was up late one night he’d never sleep in... he’d wake up earlier

So I would treat his sleep like a bank balance, a quieter day before a night I knew to be late, maybe a slightly longer nap

And a bit of catch up thereafter

It worked for me.

LCUK Mon 11-Jan-21 21:37:15

MzHz

Another thing I found was if ds was up late one night he’d never sleep in... he’d wake up earlier

So I would treat his sleep like a bank balance, a quieter day before a night I knew to be late, maybe a slightly longer nap

And a bit of catch up thereafter

It worked for me.

Thank you! It’s good to know there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
I do find the same that the later the bedtime, the earlier he wakes 🙁
At 18momths your poor back & body trying to rock him! I’m struggling already!
Thank you, even the moral support helps

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Dereg Mon 11-Jan-21 21:41:28

Yes, I would also say its over tiredness, it took me ages to work it out with my DD. Try bringing the nap 30 mins earlier,

10kstepsaroundthegardenthen Mon 11-Jan-21 21:54:46

Are you trying him when he is too tired?

Have you tried putting him down earlier, doing the same routine as bedtime.
So a little story and a milk then lullaby playing or what ever you do.

MzHz Wed 13-Jan-21 09:26:32

@LCUK how you getting on? Any sign of improvement?

LCUK Wed 13-Jan-21 09:58:20

MzHz

*@LCUK* how you getting on? Any sign of improvement?

Well this morning I did a whole bedtime routine for his nap. Left him in the cot & been watching him crawl around & stand up on the monitor 🤦🏼‍♀️ On the plus side he’s not screaming & he does keep rubbing his eyes. I’ll pop up & rock him in a bit as he does need the nap but sort of progress...

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MzHz Wed 13-Jan-21 12:56:04

That’s positive

Took me about 10 days of the new routine to transform him. Stick with it, it makes sense all round and he’ll get there

Well done you!

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