Safe bed-sharing: what bedding for me?

(34 Posts)
Margo34 Thu 07-Jan-21 01:51:52

I'm at my wits end and I cannot sit up cuddling my sleeping 3 month old baby all night any longer. I can't sleep in thr day with baby either as it's all contact naps (or baby won't nap at all). I've got nothing left in my tank.

Baby had been sleeping fine in next2me until Christmas. Now won't sleep if not in arms. Day or night. I can't do it any more and DH is not supportive and has MH issues exasperated by lockdown.

I have no one I can call on to form a support bubble.

I have no local family. My in-laws are elderly and shielding so won't be able to help either.

I don't see any solution except try bed-sharing. DH mental health will suffer as I'll have to kick him out of our bed to enable it.

What bedding can I use myself to bed-share safely without getting cold? Baby is in a sleep sack. The lullaby Trust stuff only talks about baby bedding.

Also if I BF, and BF to sleep lying down - what about winding baby? How do you manage that without waking baby? Do you have boobs out all night for baby to find comfort themselves?

Anything else you can suggest or any other ideas, I'm all ears,24/7 sitting up awake with baby, ears.

TIA

OP’s posts: |
Margo34 Thu 07-Jan-21 01:54:07

EBF baby if it makes a difference. FTM.

OP’s posts: |
olderthanyouthink Thu 07-Jan-21 02:00:40

Warm sleeves but with boob access and duvet up to your waist (I pinned mine down to stop myself pulling it up)

she's much older now but I have a hot water bottle on my legs when can make me sweaty but it's soooo nice.

I don't think I winded overnight, not every feed anyway.

Boobs out, all night buffet

Margo34 Thu 07-Jan-21 03:40:34

Didn't you get cold with boobs out all night?.

I'm cold from exhaustion already I guess it won't be much different.

OP’s posts: |
twinklespells Thu 07-Jan-21 04:16:15

I sleep in a sleeping bag. If it's chilly I zip it up to my waist. No excess to go near DD but snuggly for me. I was too stressed with a duvet or blanket trying to keep it away from her. I have a boob out all night and my belly gets a little chilly if I haven't zipped the sleeping bag up but it can be a bit toasty if I do. Definitely wear long sleeves at this time of year. DD is five months now and a lot of nights I have no idea whether she fed in the night or not because she just sorts herself out. So much better sleep wise for us!!

ColdCottage Thu 07-Jan-21 05:00:15

I've only done it with an older baby but I put her on top of the duvet and no pillow, long sleeves for me, tight do they don't ride up. Duvet also with weight/majority hanging off the far side of me away from baby so if it moves it's down onto the floor away from them. Also tucked in at the bottom so can't move up.

ColdCottage Thu 07-Jan-21 05:00:33

Baby in sleeping bag

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FolkSongSweet Thu 07-Jan-21 05:11:20

I’ve got a slumbersac adult sleeping bag

Tropicalsquirrel Thu 07-Jan-21 05:16:39

I used a sweatshirt from Boob Design with envelope style access, and a quilt to my waist tucked in tight. I also had similar long sleeved tops from the same place which I could layer if it was really chilly.

Margo34 Thu 07-Jan-21 05:48:17

Thank you!

Would baby be too hot in a 2.5 tog if we're bed sharing?

OP’s posts: |
ColdCottage Thu 07-Jan-21 08:21:21

Depends how warm your bedroom is. I have a groegg to keep an eye on the temperature.

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings Thu 07-Jan-21 08:29:33

2.5 tog should be fine at this time of year as long as your room isn't piping hot. I had baby in a sleep sack and I had a warm fleecy adult onesie for myself. Sometimes I also had a sleeping bag but never higher than my waist. No pillows and my boob out all night. Baby wasn't bothered about being winded and slept really well. It wasnt comfy for me but I still got more sleep than the alternative. When she was much bigger I brought back pillows and duvets. We still bedshare now she's 2 and I absolutely love it.

Tropicalsquirrel Thu 07-Jan-21 08:32:40

You also asked about burping/winding. It’s not necessarily needed for breastfed babies- if your little one feeds efficiently without taking in any air you might not need to do it at all. We didn’t bother with my little one after she started sleeping next to me at three months either. You just need to see if that’s working for your baba or not.

I ended up thinking co-sleeping was one of the best things I’d ever done with my little one by the way. Much easier nights, more sleep, lots of lovely snuggly time, and always knowing she was safe and I could comfort her if she needed it. She’s still sleeping with me at 2 and it’s still absolutely lovely.

footprintsintheslow Thu 07-Jan-21 08:42:01

I wouldn't bother winding day or night with a breastfed baby unless they particularly need it.

Also I used to sleep with no pillows on the bed, strange feeling at first but you get used to it. I just used our duvet on me and a small blanket on baby. My duvet would be on me and the floor.

Husband in different room. I sold the idea to him based on him getting more sleep and rest.

KMS8985 Thu 07-Jan-21 08:46:53

I hope you find something that works best for you. It's so hard to know what to do.

I had an issue with my little boy when he was that young. Started co sleeping he slept on my chest all night. I couldn't continue that as I didn't sleep much as I panicked I would roll over.

Someone suggested to me to lay him back in his crib on his stomach I know this isn't recommended and I was a little unsure if I should do it or not.
I gave it a go and it worked perfectly for us. He slept in a sleeping bag so didn't have any blankets so he couldn't smother himself. He had reflux and stomach laying seemed to help.
He is two now and sleeps on his stomach and back as he can move freely.
X

theconstantinoplegardener Thu 07-Jan-21 09:04:46

Button front pyjamas so you can leave your boobs out but your stomach stays warm. A cardigan on top, buttoned up over stomach so it doesn't fall over baby's face. Sleeping bag or duvet sounds good, pinned down so it doesn't come above waist level.

BlackKittyKat Thu 07-Jan-21 09:21:25

I also didn't bother winding baby at night.

I wore either a onesie or PJ's and had a vest top under so I could pull PJ top up and vest down. On particularly cold nights I also had a wool jumper on.

I didn't have boob out all the time (unless I fell asleep mid feed), I just whipped it out when DS started rooting for it.

Co-sleeping was my saviour!

Good luck OP

Margo34 Thu 07-Jan-21 11:59:23

All those saying BF babies don't need winding or burping - even my health visitor said this right after telling me latch and feeding was all great, and just as baby did an almighty burp as soon as I sat her up - "oh, maybe she does need winding" .

Burp-free BF babies are mythical to me!!!!

OP’s posts: |
footprintsintheslow Thu 07-Jan-21 12:20:35

Everyone is so different so we all just need to find our own way. Thank god for Mumsnet so we can pool our ideas and work out what works for us.

Mylittlepony374 Thu 07-Jan-21 12:31:37

I wore a zip up onsie. Zip down quick to feed, up again when they finish. I was too freaked of blankets.

twinklespells Thu 07-Jan-21 12:36:12

I don't wind in the night. I have a fast let down so DD does usually need a wind BUT feeding lying down seems to slow my let down and she doesn't gulp air quite like she does when I sit up and feed her, so maybe that's why I get away with it?

parsnipsnotsprouts Thu 07-Jan-21 12:42:01

I've got a fleecy onesie with buttons up the front. I also wear pj bottoms underneath

sosotired1 Thu 07-Jan-21 12:43:17

I had one like this and didn't wind at night. I started off with the duvet tucked under the bottom of the bed so it just came to my waist (and I couldn't pull it up). Then I had a couple of ugly thick cardigans (cashmere but brought very cheap in TKMaxx in clearance) which had the waterfall front so I could wrap them around and tuck in to pyjama bottoms to get an envelope effect, vest underneath.

However, we did pretty quickly manage to move her to a bedside cot (Arm's Reach, set up very safely) so she felt very close to me and I popped her in and out for feeding. I could go to sleep with my hand on or around her without any danger of rolling onto her. The baby had merino growbags.

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee Thu 07-Jan-21 14:15:09

I know it’s each to their own but I’m going to say please don’t do it if you have any other choices. It’s just not safe. If you do choose to do it please don’t ever drink alcohol even a little bit... ever. Sorry I don’t mean to be a Debbie downer.

Tier500 Thu 07-Jan-21 14:34:24

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee

I know it’s each to their own but I’m going to say please don’t do it if you have any other choices. It’s just not safe. If you do choose to do it please don’t ever drink alcohol even a little bit... ever. Sorry I don’t mean to be a Debbie downer.

If you do it safely (eg if you’re breastfeeding, no duvet/pillows near baby, baby flat on back and no risk of baby falling off bed/being wedged against the wall, parents non smokers and not overweight, no alcohol/drugs/prescription meds) then of course co sleeping is safe.

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