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Just having a moan(5 Posts)
My wife is frustrating me a little. She is really stubborn on some things and won't change at all...
Our 5 month old has thankfully slept pretty well in the last couple of months, however the last few nights she hasn't stayed down easily at all.
I'm back to work (from home) after Xmas break, so my wife is taking on the lions share of the nighttime duties, but the thing is... being that we all sleep in the same room with a co-sleeper, I don't just sleep through all the disturbances, so we are both starting each day pretty knackered.
We are fortunate enough to have another double bed in the house for guests (which might actually be used for guests some time this decade!!), so I suggested that tonight, we split the nighttime in half; one sleeps in the next room solidly, whilst the other gets a few (potentially) broken hours and then in the early hour of the morning we switch. This way, we might both get a solid 4-5 hours, but she just won't have it. She says that I can sleep in the next room all night if I want but she will stay in the main bedroom with our daughter all night, and I can tell from her body language and tone that she thinks this it what I am truly gunning for with my suggestion, that she deals with it all.
Thing is, I really am not trying to create a selfish outcome. I believe we should both have the opportunity for some unbroken sleep, but she has simply refused to try anything out like this since our little one came along.
Now, if I take her up on the offer, I come across as sleep-greedy or lazy to the parenting responsibilities, but if I just stay in the master bedroom like usual, I know there's a very good chance I won't sleep well and we'll have two knackered parents again tomorrow - a situation that could be avoided!!
So I take it your wife is staying home with the baby and doesn’t go out to work? I. Which case I think she is being very unfair.
Why not say you’ll get up with the baby at the weekends to let her have unbroken sleep but you need a few nights in the spare room to be able to get a good unbroken sleep if you are to function at work the next day?
It’s probably an unpopular view on here but this is why I never had my babies in the same room as dh and I after the first month or so. They went in their own room with a monitor and I would go to them in the night to try not to disturb dh who works 10 hour days. Only fair. He would then get up with them at weekends.
I sleep in the same room as my husband was his wish lol. But he does the first early feed around 12am and then i do everything after.
The idea you gave her was a good one that’s what me and my husband did last week when our 7week old wouldnt sleep would wake every 30 mins! He did first half 9-2am and i did 2am till 8am. I mean its really hard but team work is what its all about.
I agree with pp maybe do weekends so she can rest? Thwt way your still hands on. But if you are working you do need sleep if you wasnt wfh then the situation would be different. Thats how i see it with my husband.
I used to say to DH you go and sleep in the other room then you can work and I will sleep when the baby sleeps during the day. It's not fair that you have to work all day with no chance of a sleep at all and be awake all night!
We have a 6 month old and I have always done all of the nights. 1) because I’m on maternity leave atm so not working, and 2) because if the baby so much as blinks, I wake up. My partner on the other hand, doesn’t wake up unless there’s serious crying going on (which there very rarely is). Very quickly I thought what’s the point of waking my partner up to help with the baby when I’ll be awake and unable to go back to sleep amongst the noise anyway! In return, he takes the baby before he starts work and I sleep in every morning. It works great for us and on the weekends I can lie in even longer cause he’s not working.
We also tried what you have suggested to your wife when the baby was really young and woke up all the time. One slept while the other sat up with the baby in the front room. At least we both got some sleep...as you say.
I can’t understand why your wife wouldn’t want to try and share the nights to get a bit more sleep, but I would also say that the first few weeks are so hard. Especially postpartum for women. Sleep deprivation, pain, anxiety etc...there may be a reason she feels the way she does. I’m sure she’s struggling too. We all do! Try not to be annoyed despite your own very real sleep deprivation!