Sleep training for a 20mo (very bad sleeper)

(3 Posts)
mumtobe9 Mon 28-Dec-20 21:31:49

Hi,
My LO is 20 month old and a very bad sleeper since she is 4 months… I have been resisting sleep training as i do not agree with forcing something that she is not prepared yet to learn. However… this is getting a bit too much. In a good night she wakes up 3 times and most nights 5 times. I work in the community so i drive during the day. Not only i feel constantly tired and forgetting things, but i also had a couple of near miss with the car in which i nearly caused an accident (i also punctured a wheel driving too close to the kerb).
I am now thinking that growing up without a mother or with a mother severely disabled must be more traumatising that any amount of sleep training so i have to give it a try as i am really worried about my safety.
She is still nursing. She nurses to sleep at 8pm relatively easy. then she wakes up at 11-12, then at 2 then at 4-5. She goes back to sleep after nursing for 10 minutes. She wakes at 6 am, no matter what i do. we could sleep until 7:30 but thats not on her plans. Then she has a nap at 12:30/13:00 for about 2 hours.

If my husband takes her in his arms when she wakes up at night, she will cry even more and shout “mama mama”. He has tried for a maximum of 25 minutes before giving up and passing her to me to nurse her. She still sleeps in our bedroom as she nurses so frequently at night (her “bedroom” is currently a storage room). I cannot see with her in my bed i can feel her sucking/ moving and i can’t sleep (i am a bed sleeper myself, i wish i could just sleep with her on the boob and everyone happy!).

She is very stubborn and a picky eater (2nd percentile weight and height), some nights she doesn’t eat anything at all so i am sure it doesn’t help either.

I have read about the Ferber method and the other one when you dont enter the room at all. My questions are:

If they just keep crying for a long time, is there limit where you just stop the method (ie toddler crying for 2 hours).
When she wakes up in the middle of the night, you just ignore them? i can assure you that she can cry for an hour, i would be afraid that she complete wakes up after crying for 30 minutes and thats us at 4am of the morning.
Does sleep training work for all children or there is a point when you say: ok, after X days she is still crying like crazy ill just give up.

This is not a decision i am taking lightly, I am quite frightened after the last near accident, the sense of guilt (of causing an accident) is killing me. I have slept the spare room a couple of nights so my husband would calm the baby however the maximum i have slept is 4 hours as my husband is able to calm her once, but not the second time, and she gets so upset that my husband feels is cruel to let her cry any longer.

i think that part of the problem is that she sleeps very easily when i nurse her so my husband is sleeping and happy. Whenever i ask him to help me she cries so much and gets so upset that my husband and me get upset too, and nobody sleeps in the house, so if I am going to try sleep training i need to convince him or at least give him a timeline “we will just let her cry for 5-7 nights and then if doesn’t work we go back to nursing to sleep.
Thank you.

OP’s posts: |
FestiveStuffing Mon 28-Dec-20 21:36:00

Honestly, I'd start with night weaning. My 18 months old started sleeping through after we night weaned and got her a proper bed rather than a cot. No sleep training was necessary (and she was pretty much the same as yours before that).

I wouldn't jump straight to sleep training.

mumtobe9 Mon 28-Dec-20 22:33:08

How do you night wean?

OP’s posts: |

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