Sleep deprivation

[Caldey11]

I have a 4 week old and have been doing the night shift alone the last week as my husband has gone back to work. Last night it took 2 hours for me to settle the baby back to sleep after a feed and I then went to sleep. The next thing I know (40 minutes later) my husband had come in to say the baby had been howling right next to me but I was completely out of it, he had to shake me to wake me up. It has really worried me, I actually thought I didn't feel too tired before the night shift started last night but I guess not having a stretch of sleep more than 3 hours for the last month is taking its toll. I know all new parents have to deal with sleep deprivation but has anyone experienced being so tired they don't wake up to their own baby?! I will try to nap more in the day, I would just like to know if I should be really worried about this. Thanks

[Trailing1]

The sleep deprivation is awful. I must admit I always heard my baby cry, maybe your DH is exaggerating about the "howling'?

You have my sympathy, sleep deprivation is awful, some people like my DH can manage to function on little sleep but I was an absolute raging monster for three years. My baby was an awful sleeper.
Nap when you can, lower your standards abit, the house wont fall apart if you miss a bit of cleaning etc. Keep meals simple. Get to bed early at night yourself as well. This will pass, I promise.

[orangejuicer]

Hi Caldey. In answer to your question, yes I have been so shattered that at times I haven't always woken up immediately. You absolutely need to sleep as much as you can during the day, and rest if not asleep. Your DH should be helping, regardless of whether he's gone back to work.

What Training said above is spot on.

[FizzingWhizzbee123]

You are doing longer days that your DH is doing at work. Even if he’s doing 40+ hour weeks, you will be doing more if you are caring for the baby around the clock. It’s hard work and you don’t get paid. It’s just as valid as anything he’s doing. He needs to help, especially if you are that tired.

Are you breastfeeding? If so, he can still help with nappy changes and resettling after feeds. Breastfeeding will be established soon and you can think about expressing a bit so he can give the odd bottle to help out.

If you are formula feeding, then he can definitely help out and should have fed that baby instead of waking you up when you were clearly exhausted.

Or you need to find another arrangement. I am EBF and suggested DH sleep in the spare room as he’s more use to me if he’s functional in the day. I didn’t see the point in us both having a broken night as we have a toddler on top of the newborn to deal with. However he takes the baby 7-9/10am so I can go back to sleep uninterrupted. He juggles the baby, the toddler and the nursery run/working from home for these few hours as he knows it’s essential for me to remain functional. He also does a lot of the settling grunt work during the evening witching hours to give me some respite before the night shift. You need to talk to your DH about getting you more support so you can sleep.

[Miriam101]

I never sleep through his cries but my DP can and does
I haven’t slept more than three hours in six months
It sucks. Hope things improve for you

[LTurton]

Please don't be too hard on yourself. A few weeks ago when my baby was around 5/6 weeks old, I was absolutely exhausted beyond belief. He wouldn't (still doesn't much now) be put down so we ended up doing shifts of holding him while he slept, but we were getting such poor sleep no

One night I put him down in his snuzpod and led next to him, and he actually settled so I fell asleep. I was woken up an hour later by my partner telling me the baby had been screaming right next to me and I didn't stir. I felt absolutely terrible! But I'm telling you what I wish someone said to me then, you're a great mum and you are just beyond exhausted, your body clearly just put you into deep sleep and didn't stir as it new you needed sleep. You will wake up for future cries, I never had a problem after that, I was just exhausted that time.

Anyway all I'm trying to say is please don't give yourself a hard time, newborns are so tough!

[Caldey11]

@LTurton Thank you so much for making me feel like I'm not a failure as a Mum. I don't have a Mum support network (thanks to covid) so I really appreciate your message. I hope things are going well with your LO.