Feeling guilty about baby being in my room for the foreseeable.

(12 Posts)
Cash02 Thu 17-Dec-20 14:40:00

Hi, I’m a teen mum, 18 to be exact, my baby is 6 months now. I live with my grandmother due to an alcoholic mother and abuse when I was a child, I have lived here for a few years.

My baby, boyfriend and I share a room, obviously fine now as she’s a baby, but I worry about when she turns 1 or 2, will it affect her development or sleep habits? We would like our own home but that’s just not an option at the moment as I also care for my grandmother.
I think I just feel really guilty, I want my daughter to have a better life than I have had, but she has to share with us until she’s probably about 5.

Some reassurance or just the harsh truth? I just need some outside opinions.

OP’s posts: |
Blueuggboots Thu 17-Dec-20 14:41:02

I think consistency, love and care are the most important thing a child needs.
Nothing you have said suggests you cannot provide these things.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 17-Dec-20 14:44:07

In think at one or two she won't really care so long as you're not making top much noise when you come to bed. Once she's more aware you obv need to be discreet about where you have sex but i know several kids that age still cosleep

I assume DGM is in a 2 bed? Could you look at converting any space downstairs and maybe use a sofa bed? Could you look to rent nearby so you have your own space? If she doesn't own could you look to rent a 3 bed and put towards the rent?

Ideally she will need her own space and your DGMs care needs are likely to increase not decrease so you need to think what will enable you to have space in a few years or 5 years down the line

Jojojo32 Thu 17-Dec-20 14:45:23

I wouldn't worry at all, I live in a 2bed flat, and share with my nearly 7yr old and 4 Yr old girl and eldest son has the small room to himself. I coundnt image not having them in my room now, alouth what I would give to just watch a film laying in bed 😂but honestly it's not that bad.

TartanLassie Thu 17-Dec-20 14:57:25

Well I'm here to reassure you right now!!

I too was a young mum. We shared the room with ds at his mum's house. Managed to buy a one bedroom we flat when ds was 3 and we lived there until he was about 4.

No developmental problems .... why would there be!

He had all his toys in the living room, bedroom was for sleeping.

I couldn't do the deed when ds was in the bedroom asleep, don't think there is anything wrong with it. Just couldn't do it. So we used to get up close and dirty in the living room. We had a sofa bed.

Anyway that son is now a vice principal of a college. Loads of friends, funny, loyal and the best son every!

So certainly wasn't traumatised from sharing a room!!

You sound a wonderful mum and don't any Ron make you feel otherwise just because you're young.

I had my second kid 20 years later and must say it's much easier as a teenage mum! Enjoy your motherhood!

BabyLlamaZen Thu 17-Dec-20 14:59:46

I think she will be very happy to be so close to her mum.

BabyLlamaZen Thu 17-Dec-20 15:00:12

As long as you're obviously not doing certain things in front of them!

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MrsTerryPratchett Thu 17-Dec-20 15:01:57

Kids love being near you. DD would sleep in my bed at 10 if I'd let her!

No shagging though, right? Not even if you think the baby is asleep.

Butterymuffin Thu 17-Dec-20 15:03:17

It really won't matter at that age. She will very likely prefer to be in with you then anyway. My DC did, it was me who wanted space for myself!

user1471457757 Thu 17-Dec-20 15:11:16

I agree she will be very happy to be so close to her mum. Lots of people share with young children. My son has his own room and he's four but I'm sure if I said do you want to share a room with mummy he'd jump at the chance. Most adults enjoy sharing a room after all (with a partner) so of course a lot of children like sharing rooms too.

Splann Thu 17-Dec-20 15:11:17

She will flipping love it! Both mine slept with us until they were about 3. My ds is now 5 and given the choice he’d still be in our room. Being close to you at night won’t damage her in any way. It will be a lovely reassurance and comfort to her. Are you worried about it making her clingy? If you are then please be reassured that this sort of thing doesn’t make children clingy. Uncertainty and inconsistency can make them clingy but a nice bed in her mum and dads room won’t.

Cash02 Thu 17-Dec-20 15:44:52

Thank you all for your replies! My grandmother rents, I live in west London unfortunately and I cannot afford to rent here, the council waiting list is insane. We have a three bed but my sister also lives here.
We don’t have sex in the room with her, we don’t get to very often but when we do it’s downstairs blush
Honestly thank you for all the reassurance, I don’t worry that she’ll be clingy, she’s very loving already but, I enjoy it. I just feel like I’m not giving her everything she needs I guess.
Me and her dad have no qualms sharing with her for as long as we can, it’s lovely having her so close especially as I’m Breastfeeding
I think I put a lot of pressure on myself, I’m a young mum and I tend to feel guilty.
Thank you again!

OP’s posts: |

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