5 week old baby in our bed

[Givemeabreak45]

Hi everyone,

My dd is just over 5 weeks old and since day 1 has been in our bed as first few nights she wouldn’t settle in Moses basket... I had a c section and was in a lot of pain first week or so, so my dh was mainly dealing with her in night so I let him do what was best for him - usually a combination of sleeping with her in our bed or downstairs on sofa.

However, now she is 5 weeks I really think we should be trying to get her to sleep in her own bed (as in Moses basket next to our bed) but my dh just refuses to even try saying she won’t settle but if we never try, she never will. I’m struggling a little with the fact my dh is on the other side of the bed facing away from me cuddling dd all night and I’m totally ignored. I’m worried we’re going to end up with a child who never wants to be in their own bed.

Any thoughts/advice?

[PinGwyn]

Please research safe co-sleeping and encourage DH to look too.

No one should be cuddling up with the baby and definitely shouldn't be sleeping on the sofa!

As for your worries - humans have co-slept for thousands of years and it's standard practice in some cultures but I've never heard of an adult who shares a bed with their parent because they can't settle on their own!

[unreliableursula]

Sleeping with a baby on a sofa is one of the most dangerous things you can do in terms of SIDS.

If you research good safe sleeping practices, co-sleeping in bed can be safe, you just need to figure out what works best fit for your family.

[Whatelsecouldibecalled]

Please please show him lullaby trust safe sleeping as a minimum. Whilst I dint want to berate a new Mum what you abs DH are currently doing is not safe sleeping.

Would you consider a next to me type crib? Best of both worlds. Baby has own safe space mum or dad can lie next to them.

Sleep with a Muslim n next to your breast for few nights out in crib to smell like you. Remove when baby is in there.

[Whatelsecouldibecalled]

Oooos MUSLIN bloody autocorrect

[MenoHiccup]

Co-sleeping can be a joy. If it makes life easier for you, go ahead. If it brings the two of you together, go ahead. But this:

I’m struggling a little with the fact my dh is on the other side of the bed facing away from me cuddling dd all night and I’m totally ignored.

is not either of those. Why does he get to cuddle her and not you? Why does he not place her between the two of you? You feel left out of your relationship with your dh and with your own child. That's wrong. It's also wrong for him to co-sleep on the sofa because it is unsafe for the baby.

It's wonderful that your dh is doing his share of the parenting, but he needs to allow you to do it, too. Is he afraid he will lose out if he doesn't do nights any more?

Surely the best compromise is simply to place her between the two of you. Sleep facing each order. We used to love waking up looking at each other over our baby.

[FourPlatinumRings]

I agree with PP.

1. Look up safe co-sleeping/bedsharing

1. Don't let your DH steal all the baby cuddles.

1. The baby will sleep on its own when it is ready to do so. It's a relatively small number of cultures who expect babies and children to sleep on their own and it doesn't result in adults who can't sleep on their own.