Baby won’t settle/sleep unaided

(8 Posts)
Shabba500 Tue 01-Dec-20 09:58:58

Hi all, so me and my partner have recently had our first baby (9 days old). The problem we’re having is that she won’t settle or go down on her own. We’ll basically feed her (breast) and then she’ll tend to fall asleep in one of our arms, but if we put her down, whether she’s awake or asleep, she just won’t have it and start being restless/crying. We’ve tried her in a cot and Moses basket but having same issue. We’ve tried swaddling, having an extra blanket to give the illusion of being held, using hot water bottles to ensure the surface is nice and warm before putting her down, going for a walk in the pram, but every time we do put her down, she will inevitably start crying. Even when she’s awake and in our arms she tends to be restless/moany. At the moment we can take turns looking after her and have her sleep in our arms but when Dad needs to go back to work soon won’t be able to do this. Any suggestions about what to do? Thanks in advance.

OP’s posts: |
MotherPiglet Tue 01-Dec-20 10:10:16

Baby has been curled up inside your tummy listening to your heartbeat for the past 9 months, of course they dont want to be not held! Read about the 4th trimester, it should make it easier to understand. Keep taking in turns while you can, you'll find what works for your family.

Congratulations.

Needmoresleep123 Tue 01-Dec-20 10:57:26

Was going to say exactly the same as above! It seems so hard at the time but it will pass. I promise 😁

EyeDrops Tue 01-Dec-20 11:06:49

A couple of things youve not mentioned that worked for DD1 - if you can, lie on baby's mattress for a while - I'd take it out of the moses basket and pop it under me while feeding or while DH held her. Heats it up like a water bottle but also smells like you! Also I'd wear a t-shirt for a while then wrap it around the mattress like a sheet, again for the warmth/smell.

If baby is big enough for a sleeping bag, try that too if you're not already using one - both my DDs settled much better in that than just with a blanket.

Respectabitch Tue 01-Dec-20 11:11:55

Congratulations, your baby is completely normal grin

If you are breastfeeding, the very easiest thing to do is cosleep. Then you can feed lying on your side and within a few weeks you can do it without even really waking up. I coslept with my first simply because it was how he settled, the only way. It was temporary and I had him settled all night in his Moses basket at 3-4 months.

A swaddle or swaddle bag can also help.

edgeware Tue 01-Dec-20 11:22:16

This is normal. She is still very young! It will get better over time but just accept this as your new normal for now. In the daytime, use a sling if you need to get things done. Or the pram out and about. At night, co sleep. My DS2 is 5 weeks now - in the morning I let him sleep on me or use the sling or pram. In the late afternoon I find that he sleeps deeper and once he’s been asleep for 40+ minutes I can put him down in the Sleepyhead and he will sleep for a while in there. When we go to bed at 9:30ish I can feed him to sleep and put him straight to bed in the sleepyhead. (I know we’re not meant to use it for night time sleep). He’ll sleep in there for 2-3 hours, after that I put him in the bed with me.
With my first we went on like this until after the 4 month sleep regression at which point you can start some gentle sleep training / trying to teach them to fall asleep independently. There is little point in trying before then in my experience!

olderthanyouthink Tue 01-Dec-20 11:31:20

If you thing about babies as wild animals it's easier to understand why they don't fit in modern life/expectations. The safest place is with mum so they do everything they can to keep that happening, the looking cute and the crying and the smell all of it.

Look at safe co-sleeping. DD is 2 and still spends part of the night in our bed, its security for her and easer for me.

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grey12 Tue 01-Dec-20 11:41:13

Same here wink it's true it's normal.

Consideration #1: most babies you can put them down for short periods when they are fast asleep. As the baby gets older (even by a few days/weeks) she'll start sleeping longer periods and this will be easier to do.

Consideration #2: some babies DO NOT want to be put down AT ALL!!! Like my DD1...... in those rare cases, just forget about it...... at 4 yo she's sooooo cuddly!!! smile she absolutely loves snuggling up with us when she wakes up a little earlier than needed

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