Reading at bedtime

[user1469485133]

Hi there, I live with my female partner and her 9 and half yr old daughter.
Every night, my partner reads to her daughter for between approx 15 -30 mins. Sometimes her daughter is allowed to keep the light on and read to herself after this.
My difficulty is that I don't see my partner until about 9pm most nights (I'm aware that's extremely common!!) And then we're both incredibly tired because of work!!
My question is, how many of you read to your children each night and for how long?
D goes to bed at 8.30 roughly and gets read to until 8.45 to 9pm.
I don't remember my Mum reading to me at that age.

[user1469485133]

I pressed enter too soon!

Any comments gratefully received - thanks all!

[WhoopsSomethingWentWrong]

Ah, how lovely that her daughter still wants to be read to. My 7 year old won’t let me read to her anymore, she just wants to read to herself. Sounds like a nice routine they’ve got.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Night time is sacred time in my house. I'm aware I only have a few more years of this. Each child gets an hour each. Exdh and I each take 1. Dd9 reads to me 20mins, I read to her 20mins, we cuddle and listen to classical music for 20 mins. Dd11 reads her own book whilst I lie with her for thirty mins, then we cuddle and chat for 30 mins.

[jessstan1]

That brought tears to my eyes, arethereanyleftatall. Your children will have happy memories.

[cariadlet]

Bedtime stories are really special. As both a mum and as a teacher, I think it's really important to keep it going for as long as children will let you (maybe transitioning to lying in bed next to each other, both reading your own books when children no longer want to be read to.)

[KittenCalledBob]

I still read to my 11yo - he's just getting out of the shower and we're about to start it now. When he's in bed my DH and I still won't have time to ourselves because we have teens too! Sorry OP that's just how it is.

[thelegohooverer]

I read for about half an hour with my 10 yo and my 12yo reads to me for half an hour.
There is research pointing to better educational outcomes for dc whose parents read to them in middle childhood.
9pm is lights out in our house and dh and I go to sleep at 10pm

[Oly4]

Bedtime reading is sacred here too. I still read to my 9yo and younger kids and it takes about 40 mins. Then my 9yo reads to himself after that.
It’s wonderful to foster a love of reading

[Fleabagster]

We still read to our 11 year old! I think it’s lovely.

[tigger001]

She should keep this routine up as long as possible, bedtime is sacred, it sounds lovely.

[InDubiousBattle]

My two dc are a bit younger (5 and6)and we usually do stories all together downstairs for half an hour or so then they go up to bed and get another 10-15 minutes or so each in their beds. The older one then reads for a bit before he goes to sleep. We start at 7 though so we all done by 7.45 ish.

[1940s]

As a compromise maybe a Friday night couple night where the 9 year old could have a dvd in bed instead and you two get from 8 to yourselves?

[emeraldcity2000]

Sounds lovely and pretty standard to me. I'd be pleased to get out after 30 mins 😂. If you want quality time together could you cook dinner, clear up etc while she is doing this? Then after 9pm is all your time together?

[parietal]

our 12 and 9 year old still get bedtime stories.

[DelurkingAJ]

My DM and DDad read to us every night until I was in secondary school. Wonderful memories.

[Ohalrightthen]

My mum and i used to read together at bedtime until i was about 13.

Tbh, once the kid is over about 8 or 9, the whole "parents get time to themselves in the evening" thing stops happening so much, because your kid doesn't go to bed til 8 or 9. That's just part of life with children.

[user1469485133]

Hi all,
I just want to say thank you so much for all of your responses. I'm hearing that this is totally widespread and it's a wonderful, sacred time for parents to share with their children, and have some 'alone' time with them and to make this last as late as possible, into the children's lives.

I always cook dinner, clean, clear up etc whilst this is happening upstairs. We have a very shared living experience in the house, I'm glad to say! This means we do get the time between around 9pm and 10.30pm or whenever we might go to bed by.

I had a loving up bringing with both parents until I was around 9 years old. And beyond, although my parents then separated and I lived with my Mum. My mum is an avid reader, although I don't remember her reading to me past 9 years old and I was quite self sufficient by then. So, I find it hard to not see this happening in our house. That's my issue though and I understand that. Especially after reading your responses.

I like the idea that someone suggested as Friday night being a compromise. Perhaps if my OH can suggest that she comes down at 8.30pm and my step daughter can then read to herself, lights out at say 9pm. It means we get some time to ourselves then too.

I don't have children and am not very maternal and sometimes really struggle with not having the same feelings as my OH. It;s a strange old situation!

Many thanks for your input, it's really appreciated

[user1469485133]

I'm not sure why I've said Other Half (OH), as I never use this phrase in reality?!

[KittenCalledBob]

What a lovely post OP! It’s wonderful that you have listened to the posters on this thread and it has helped you to understand your partner better.

[user1469485133]

I appreciate all the response KittenCalledBob :) It has helped me to reflect on this.