10 year old won’t go to sleep alone!

(15 Posts)
DRP26 Mon 09-Nov-20 23:27:01

Hi, I have a ten year old who refuses to fall asleep on his own at bedtime. He gets upset when I leave the room.
I understand this should have been sorted by now but due to one reason or another, which I won’t bore you with right now, it slipped by and time went on.
I don’t want him to be going to secondary school and him still needing me to have to stay with him whist he falls asleep.
Could anyone please offer any advice?

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Halo1234 Mon 09-Nov-20 23:34:30

He honestly won't want u forever. The pharse let them be little springs to mind. Its instinct to want your mum. I am a traditional parent most of the time but when it comes to the dark quiet night if they want mum they get mum. Less stress for all involved. And i believe the best way to stop a clingy child is to cling back until the step away in the reassurance mum is there if needed/wanted. He is 10 it really won't last much longer. Less stress for u. Less stress for him. If all he is ever had is u at bedtime it will be hard to change now until he is ready. Just my thoughts. I know u need your childfree time. But is it not quicker just to lay with him with a book or mumsnet until he falls over than to have a battle.....when all he wants is you. I have a 9 year old who is the same. Tried loads of ways to try and get him to sleep independently before reaching this point. Raising kids feels long but its not really.....one day u will long for a sleepy 10 year old who just wants u.

DRP26 Mon 09-Nov-20 23:43:53

Thank you so much. Some very reassuring words.
I have thought it is something he will grow out of.
I bet I will miss these days! Thank you.

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Nannyamc Mon 09-Nov-20 23:48:28

Been there done rhat
Found out years later he was being bullied at school but would not tell
Took us years to find this out...talk ro him.

DRP26 Tue 10-Nov-20 05:48:20

Oh no, poor him. Hope all ok now.

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AutumnSummersBuffysCousin Tue 10-Nov-20 06:15:37

I would echo previous posters, if he needs you he needs you, and I too cling back to them when they’re like that. When they know for sure you’re there for them and have their back, then it’s easier for them to move away. It will change in time. Currently in bed next to my 9yo DS, he is anxious about school and friends at the minute and he needs me with him. This year particularly has been hard on kids, it’ll do no harm to cuddle up with him.

sofato5miles Tue 10-Nov-20 06:19:35

I do this with my 10 year old. He is anxious and it helps him, so i d9n't care. My 14 year old was the same till about 9 and she is now at boarding school (happy) She suddenly grew up around 11/12. They keep changing do not fret

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Ohalrightthen Tue 10-Nov-20 06:19:43

10 is quite old to need mum to sleep. I'd be concerned that there's something else going on. Has he told you why he won't sleep by himself? Is this a new phase or a bad habit?

If it's a bad habit, tbh, he's 10. Tell him he needs to sleep by himself now. He's old enough to understand (assuming no SEN) that you need time for yourself. Get him to pick out a new duvet cover, choose a good audiobook, tuck him in and head out.

BefuddledPerson Tue 10-Nov-20 06:28:21

Have you asked him what's bothering him?

Sleeping in a room alone is a modern phenomenon, traditionally humans shared caves, tents, yurts, huts... Many people have sleeping alone.

Also don't set secondary as an arbitrary deadline. If he doesn't tell anyone he struggles to fall asleep, they'll never know.

reefedsail Tue 10-Nov-20 06:28:34

My DS(10) has an echo dot in his room and audible. I think being able to have a chat with Alexa (as well as the story) after we've gone helps.

He doesn't sleeps well though and still gets in with us regularly.

DRP26 Tue 10-Nov-20 11:29:48

Thank you, I suppose I was just looking for reassurance from other parents that are experiencing similar. I appreciate your reply.

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DRP26 Tue 10-Nov-20 13:29:43

Some helpful information and advice. Thanks everyone.

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Losingthewill01 Fri 15-Jan-21 22:12:00

Sorry a bit of an old thread but I am having the exact same situation with my 10 year old DD. She used to be fine with me saying goodnight after a book in her bed but this past year she wants me to sleep with her. I think since she got a double bed it’s made it worse as we are no longer squashed together!. I have tried tonight to tell her I am going out after book but she literally cries and sobs for me that I end up getting back in. It’s a double edged sword as I want her to get enough sleep and she only does that if I am in her bed to get her to sleep before I get out hours later. Your not alone!

SD1978 Fri 15-Jan-21 22:26:09

There are enough adults on MN who say they prefer (can't) sleep unless their DH is at home/ that they go to bed at the same time, and no one bats an eyelid. Don't see why it should be any different for children if that's what they want/ need. As long as it's not affecting you emotionally by doing it- I say crack on.

DRP26 Sat 16-Jan-21 15:13:24

The original question was mine. My situation is slightly improving. I still until he is dozing off then say I will come and check on him in five minutes. Majority of the time when I do, he is fast asleep.

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