Hi folks.
So we have a 15.5 month old. She's awesome. She just took her first steps at the weekend and is developing into a really lovely little girl.
The problem really, is my DH. He suffers at times with his 'emotions' which is usually a good thing, he won't bottle things up and we talk openly. We've been together 14 years. But, in trying to get our dd to sleep better, he just can't hold his frustrations in.
We agreed to try a little sleep training this weekend. She goes down really well in the cot, awake and self settles. She'll wake once or twice times in the night, usually for her dummy if she can't see it, but around 4:30/5am she wakes and she's really upset, lots of crying, and the only cure has been to bring her into bed.
I want to stop this for everyone's sake. Its a pattern by DH developed when I was in hospital, had surgery, and he had to manage the nights himself for a couple of weeks. So I get how we ended up here and it was all with good intentions, but she really needs better quality sleep herself and coming into our bed, I don't think is the best answer.
Thurs/fri/sat I did the night duty, going through the motions to get her back to sleep in her cot, which meant I didnt' really sleep after 4:30am. It was starting to work though in my opinion, one morning she went back to sleep in the cot and didnt stir till 7am, Perfect. Last night DH said he would to do it. She woke at 3:20 and was pretty much screaming for an hour. I couldn't hear him trying to sooth her or making sure she was settled before he put her back down, she just kept crying, and I could hear the odd 'huff' from dh. So at 4:20 I went in, shes really screaming at this stage, the lights are on, he's 'stuffing' her back in her sleeping bag, being a little rough, and she's bright red in the face with tears teaming down her little face. He was angry, really angry, so I said its ok, let me take over. He shouted at me that 'he had it' and I said - I don't think you're in the right frame of mind for this, I'll do it. He passed the baby to me ( quite sharply, I barely had hold of her before he stormed off) slamming the bedroom door behind him.
DD was so upset, I just took her into bed with me in the spare room, and after about an hour of soothing, she fell asleep.
Its not the first time its happened and when we last spoke he said he felt bad for getting so frustrated with her but in the moment he's just so tired/fed up/wants her to sleep etc.
My problem is that I'm getting tired of it too. Shes a baby. this is all part of her development, its normal. Its tiring yes, but its normal. I'm pissed off that if I can do it for 3/4 nights in a row, why can't he fucking handle it for one night. In the nix of my emotions last night all I could think about is telling him to sort himself out or leave. That's not what I want. Not in the slightest. But I'm starting to lack the energy to keeping getting through each stage and supporting him as much as I'm supporting her.
This isn't a LTB thread so please don't start that, I just need some support and suggestions.
Do you think sleep training is appropriate for her at 15 months? A mum at nursery said as soon as she's mastered walking she'll start sleeping better. And I agree with that too. everything they go through effects their sleep.
What can I do to help him be less angry. other than do the night shift every night. I work 5 days a week. I'm exhausted. I don't have any family nearby.
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DH so frustrated with night wakings, I'm struggling to hold it together
17 replies
YoBeaches · 09/11/2020 13:21
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