Newborn won’t sleep

[BabyCrombie]

Would really appreciate some advice. Newborn (4 days old) will not sleep without being held. First time parents we are learning as we go. When she is put in her baby box or bedside crib within 2 min she will be screaming. We have tried swaddling her, sitting with her so she knows we haven’t left her, blankets etc have my smell on them. It has come to sleeping in shifts with one of us holding her. She sleeps no problem like this only once she is put down does she get agitated and starts crying. I know it is early but don’t want to introduce bad practice.
We have reached serious levels of exhaustion now.
Any advice greatly appreciated.

[SingingSands]

Congratulations on your baby OP.

Let her sleep on you. She doesn't know anything other than being held, being close to your heartbeat and the sound of your breathing. This is not "bad practice", this is a tiny baby, who needs to be held.
Yes, you are exhausted, you have to take shifts, but this is what you do when you have a tiny newborn. Look up "the fourth trimester" and you'll get a good explanation.
Good luck, don't worry about bad practice, hold your baby as much as you can, rest when you can and keep supporting each other.

[Abcd92]

Hey! This was literally us 6 weeks ago, I was so worried it wasn’t ‘normal’ and we would never sleep again. I remember asking the midwife about it hoping she had some magic words that was going to solve the problem but she simply laughed and said if you’re getting 4 hours of sleep in a night you’re doing well! we would take shifts downstairs on the sofa and stay up all night and we barely remember the first week of our little ones life because of the exhaustion. However literally over night it changed, I think it was somewhere between week 1 and 2 he suddenly decided his next to me crib is safe for him. Don’t get me wrong he isn’t the greatest of sleepers (even still at 6 weeks) but I feel so much safer knowing he’s in there and we can lay down without the fear of falling asleep with him on us.

We tried so many things but in reality I really think it was a comfort thing and also not knowing the difference between day and night. We didn’t do anything specifically so can’t give you advice, can only let you know you’re honestly not on your own. It was the toughest time but it is ‘normal’ and you’ll get through it whenever your little person is ready!

[MoominKitty]

No advice here really as I just have in and let mine sleep on me and we're still Co sleeping 10 months layer 😂. Though letting him sleep On/with me meant I got a solid 5 to 8 hours sleep a night from 4 weeks onwards. You.choose what works for you, but it's not forever, once their tummies can hold more milk they sleep Longer stretches. Congrats on your new baby too ☺.

[BabyCrombie]

Thanks for all of your replies. It’s good to hear that there are others who have been in the same place. We will keep going and hope that she makes progress in her own time. Meanwhile I am savouring every second with my gorgeous girl 😊

[Missmonkeypenny]

It is completly normal! Read up on the fourth trimester, it's so important! Your body and warmth is all she has known her whole life and now she's out in a cold, unfamiliar place - would you want to sleep in a basket alone or on your nice, warm mummy?

White noise emulates the sounds of the womb and works really well as does warming up the moses basket mattress with a hot water bottle first so it isnt chilly but honestly, just cuddle her and let her sleep on you. Take it in shifts with your DH so you're both getting good amounts of rest and share the load that way.

[BabyCrombie]

Thank you @Missmonkeypenny it’s all starting to feel like we aren’t the only ones in this situation. Crazy hormones don’t help matters.

Will read up on 4th trimester

[MoreGinPlease2020]

@BabyCrombie No advice here but just wanted to say we're in the same situation so I understand. My baby is 9 days old and really doesn't want to sleep at night.

[lambo88]

I think this is common Hun..defo read about the 4th trimester and it will explain it all...I had no idea about the 4th trimester xxx

[Keha]

My LO was exactly the same and I ended up cosleeping (which I know is not for everyone). She started to do small stretches in her Moses basket at about 3.5 months and these have got a bit longer now but I still cosleep a lot as it's easier for me. My advice is just that they change massively in terms of sleep, you'll have lots of time later on to try different schedules, settling methods etc, for now it's just a case of doing what you need to survive.

[Shefliesonherownwings]

Hi op, we have the same thing with our 8 day old. He only really wants to sleep on one of us. Occasionally we can swaddle him and put him in his Moses basket but we have to time it right and it doesn’t always work.

DH and I are sleeping in shifts at night. I go to bed around 9 until 3, so DH does the midnight feed with either expressed breast milk or formula. I then get up at 3 and DH goes to bed. I try to nap in the afternoon when DH watches our DS but it’s not always possible. We’re just going with whatever DS wants and enjoying lots of cuddles. I don’t think you can teach bad habits this young, your DD has gone from being all cosy and cocooned inside you, into the big bright noisy world. She will get comfort from you as she knows your smell, voice, heartbeat so she’ll want to be cosied up next to you. Just give her what she wants and try to grab sleep where you can.

[MalorieSnooty]

Completely normal!

I co-slept with both of mine. It's how we survived as a species (babies are meant to cry when not close to parents).

4yo DS2 is still in bed with me. DS1 sleeps all night every night in his own bed (nearly 8). Both boys are really securely attached and very independent.

Good luck!

[BabyG123]

Enjoy the cuddles!

But going forward the best advice I had is make sure baby know night time is night time and days is day.

Don't leave the bedroom or turn a light on or interact as such. Sleepy time is night time.

Then day naps are a little louder and it's lighter out etc.

Mine now does 12/13 hours!

Continue to try and put baby down even if it's for a little while and baby will get used to it.

[MsChatterbox]

Some form of baby carrier during the day and cosleeping at night. My newborn was exactly the same. She will now do 3 hour stints in her cot at 4 months old.

[BabyCrombie]

Thanks all for reassurance that we aren’t alone. After speaking to mummy friends I was given advice of
Always put a hat on wee one when putting them down
Put hot water bottle in to heat sheets before bed time ( obv remove before adding baby)
Wee one hates swaddling so tuck in tight with cellular blanket under edges of mattress
Add Another blanket on top.

We have tried this and got 6 hours sleep in her own bed last night ( waking once to feed, we popped a fresh hot water bottle in to keep bed warm whilst feeding/ changing) and there have been several successful naps too.
It might be coincidence that she was settling anyway but we are sticking with it.

Hope this might help someone else in this situation.