2 hours sleep in bed last night with 4 week old and fell asleep on sofa

[Reelaa]

I feel terrible but I don't know what to do about sleep as I'm just not getting much. Baby won't sleep in his cot during the day for more than about 10-15 minutes so I can't sleep when he does, but will sleep on somebody for 2-3 hours if held. If I don't let him have a longer nap on me then he is really unsettled and it makes no difference to night sleeps if he has been awake most the day.

I have tried going to bed early with him, at 7/8pm, but then it took him 3 hours to go down in his cot, and if I just go when I'm ready and he seems sleepy it's usually 11pm/midnight anyway. He then sleeps for approx 2 hours, it takes me an hour and a half to 2 hours to feed, change and settle again, and then he will only sleep another 2 hours by which point it's around 6am and he doesn't go back to sleep in his cot. I have ended up dozing on the bed with him in the mornings because I have no energy to put him in his cot multiple times again (following safe co sleeping rules) but I can't sleep because I'm too worried about it. So every night I'm getting 4-5 hours sleep maximum and can't sleep during the day.
The only time I get a bit extra sleep is if DP holds him in the evening and I can shut my eyes, but we have to eat etc so there's not a lot of time left over.

Last night he was settled at 1am, awake at 3am and I went to feed him and woke up on the sofa with him at 4.30am. I feel so guilty. He didn't go back to sleep after this till DPs alarm went off, and again I had him in bed with me, but I couldn't sleep for fear of squashing him.

He is BF and tends to snack/sleep multiple times throughout the day, to the point I can't do anything without him crying for me, so I'm not sure if there is any issue feeding, but he has numerous wet/dirty nappies daily. I can't do anything with him for more than about 20 minutes without him crying for a feed. I'm starting to log feeds/sleep today and plan to ring the health visitor about it tomorrow when I have an accurate log of a typical day but I'm dreading another sleepless night after only 3 hours sleep last night.

Help

[FourTeaFallOut]

Is he your only dc? When I got this tired with my eldest I use to co-sleep alongside his naps which were typically longer when I was next to him and use a sling around the house to get things done.

[Shmithecat2]

It doesn't sound too odd tbh. It was pretty similar for me with ds, although we coslept from the day we left hospital, so night feeds didn't take an awful lot of effort, and I didn't change his nappy in the night unless he had poo'd. I really wouldn't bother trying to put a 4wo to bed at such an early time. Keep them with you downstairs until you want to go to bed. Night feeds will be plentiful at that age, that's totally normal. It's exhausting, but it does get better. Why are you going to the sofa to feed him at night? Stay upstairs, either in your bed or on a nursing chair.

[larrythelizard]

When DS was tiny and a cot refuser, DH and I did shifts. I'd go to bed 7-11.30 and let him do the evening, then I'd be up from 11.30-5.30 and DH would do 5.30-7.00 when he went to work.

We didn't see a lot of each other in the week but it wasn't for very long really.

I did a lot of googling about how to make DS feel snug in his next to me crib, I used towels under the sheet to make it feel cosier, put a muslin smelling of me on it and often slept with one hand in the cot with him.

I also napped a lot when he did, often co-sleeping on the bed (safely); I slept relatively lightly so felt much safer than at night

Don't beat yourself up over last night, it's happened, just learn from it and don't do it again.

[SinkGirl]

I would recommend a swing or a bouncer - we had 4Moms Rockaroos and then Baby Bjorn bouncers for our twins (bought second hand, I’m not made of money 😂) - I physically couldn’t hold both and let them sleep on me so this worked well for us. They’re not for sleeping in but the motion would help them fall asleep, coupled with white noise once I discovered it worked (loud from a phone or Bluetooth speaker, not quite like one of the many toys that play white noise at such a low level and didn’t work for us).

We had a cosleeper cot that they slept in which made a massive difference as I couldn’t safely cosleep due to medication I’m on.

[Chocolate4me]

My 4 week old breastfed baby is the same, wakes with wind alot and then it's not long before the next 2 hr feed so she ends up asleep in bed with me or in my arms while I'm propped up with pillows. But it means I'm not as tired so I'm not in a deep sleep. It's not ideal but it's been like this with all my newborns, hopefully in a few weeks she will go longer and have less wind to wake her and she will go in her side cot more. You're not alone and from my experience it's quite normal, although exhausting and I'd rather my baby be safely in the cot all night but I would literally have half an hours sleep if I had to police that all night

[NC866]

It’s normal - I ended up co-sleeping with my first because of this, it was that or fall asleep with her in my arms when I could no longer keep my eyes open. Second baby I had a sleepyhead and they settled nicely in that. Someone will be along to say it’s against the safe sleeping guidelines etc and I agree you need to try follow them BUT a lot of babies only want to be held and sometimes it’s a case of picking the safest option whilst also getting some sleep otherwise you put them in more danger by falling asleep in unsafe situations, i.e. while holding them on the sofa or sat up in bed.

[fitzbilly]

Co sleep and feed him in bed with you. Only change nappies if pooey.

The early days are tough, but it will get better and easier.

[RaspberryHartleys]

Completely normal Im afriad!

[NC866]

Also during the day just let him sleep on you. It’s normal, he’s still very tiny and you make him feel safe. Watch tv and put your feet up, this time won’t last forever. Also agree with the pp not to change his nappy overnight unless he’s done a poo. Get a co-sleeping crib if you haven’t already or set up your bed for safe co-sleeping and feed him in bed overnight and keep it dark and quiet or just with white noise. But no need to try put a baby that age to bed at 7/8 - keep him downstairs with you until you want to go to bed yourself. It’s hard work at this stage but it passes quickly and it’s just a continuous cycle of feed / sleep / change at the moment. Things will be different in a couple of months but for now just go with his needs and make life as easy as possible for yourself!

[ChristmasCantComeSoonEnough]

If the only way you can get a decent chunk is for your partner to hold him In the evenings then that is what you do. Make your evening meal a quick easy to grab th8ng rather than part of your evening like it used to be and get your head down. This phase won’t last long so just do what you need to do to get through it and everything will become more normal before too long.

[Reelaa]

His nappies are always pooey in the night, and he loves to poo a second time in the fresh nappy so I end up changing him twice every time (if I wait till the end of the feed and he is sleepy he still poos a second time anyway).

First baby, and I take him downstairs to the sofa as I fall asleep in bed with him far too easily and DP stays up watching me when he has to work in the morning, so I need a bit of light/TV to keep me awake.
We have a next to me cot but have resorted to the pram basket for now as he seems more secure in that and absolutely wouldn't sleep in the next to me.

I know it's probably fairly normal but I just want either an extra 2 hour stretch out of him or a slightly longer sleep when he is down. No point DP taking turns as he has no boobs!

[commondenomlnator]

Set up your bed for safe co sleeping , if you can afford it get an owlet monitor as well for extra peace of mind
Don’t go to the sofa it’s the most dangerous place X

[christinarossetti19]

My dd was like this at 3/4 weeks. I remember feeding all evening, her dozing off about 11pm, then waiting to feed at 1am and me thinking 'she's got to go to sleep soon' which she didn't until 5am.

Then awake again at 7am.

In retrospect, this phase didn't last long, but it was overwhelming at the time.

What I would say is that your priority at the moment is sleep. Easy, quick meals and lots of nutritious snacks and fluids.

Could you dh take the baby out in a pram/car when he gets home to get him off to sleep while you rest at home? Just a bit of headspace before the night kicks off helps.

[Roselilly36]

Yes very normal.

My DS & I co slept for many months, the only way either of us could get some sleep. And even then it’s not particularly high quality sleep as you are on alert.

It does get easier OP, rest as & when you can.

[LimpLettice]

Yes, avoid the sofa, it's the riskiest way to co sleep. All mine have been like this, so it's just safely in the bed and poor DH on the sofa for a while. He's co sleeping downstairs with older DS this time, but if you must go downstairs, so on the floor or a dining chair.

Mine have all been Bf but settle pretty well for 3-4 hours before midnight without me as long as they've 'tanked up' earlier in the evening. That way I got a good stretch before the witching hour started and could handle it. It's normal though, and it will pass.

[FourTeaFallOut]

as I fall asleep in bed with him far too easily

This here, this is a strength. Learn to safely co-sleep and you can sleep as much as he does.

[Thumbellini]

Just come through this stage, baby slept in a Moses basket inside next to me. Although he barely slept, was up every 2 hours, poo'd every feed so nappy changes woke him etc etc. He did take a 2 hour nap during the day on one of those cushion things, so I often napped beside him on the sofa then. It was brutal. Although by 8ish weeks sleep stretched slightly, he stopped pooing as much at night so could feed and put him back down in around 15/20 mins.

I found a dummy really helped as if he just wanted comfort he would take that instead of needing to be on the breast continuously, is this something you would consider? I also pumped so my husband could take a feed and I could go to bed early/have a lie in. Hope you find something that works for you it's so tough

[Reelaa]

Thanks for the reassurance people are in the same situation. I would try a dummy but didn't want to introduce it too soon due to BF. I'm still not convinced there's not an issue with feeding due to the amount of sessions I've logged today but will speak to the health visitor tomorrow and see what they say

[3WildOnes]

As others have said this all sounds quite normal. I’d recommend practicing breastfeeding lying down, that way if you fall asleep you are much safer than if you fall asleep on a sofa.
For daytime sleeps if you don’t want to hold him then a bouncer is great for getting little ones to sleep as is a dummy.
I would swaddle, introduce a dummy and play white noise loudly and continuously all night long. This should help lengthen sleep for you both.

[Hollywhiskey]

You need to set up a safe co sleeping arrangement in your bed and not take your baby on the sofa at night when you're tired. Learning to feed was an absolute game changer for me. If you don't have to get up every time they wake or even lift your head off the pillow it's infinitely easier to cope.

[Abouttimemum]

DS had to be held for his first 6 weeks at home, for all sleep. He was in special care for 6 weeks so this took him to about 3 months old. I couldn’t sleep when he slept.
I would go to bed 7-11pm then stay up with DS until 5am then go back to bed for a couple of hours. We’d then swap over or do a night each at the weekend.
I appreciate that it was easy for DH to share as DS was bottle fed but I think you need to get more support so you can sleep of an evening / morning when DH can have the baby. It’s hard going but doesn’t last forever.
It turned out DS had silent reflux and once medicated he could be put down for sleeps. He was generally sleeping through by 4 months so fear not!!