I’m not coping anymore! I can’t carry on like this

(40 Posts)
Loukifre Sun 25-Oct-20 10:09:09

Just got down from spending yet again a full hour trying to put my 7 month old down for nap. I can’t do this anymore. She just cries and cries, and the only way to stop it is to literally so vigorously rock and I want to stop as my back and legs are in agony as they’re not getting a rest. And then she FINALLY starts closing her eyes but the second I put her down she cries again. I’m so ashamed of myself I just burst out crying along with her And I know that’s just gonna make things so much worse now.

I need to change this. I can’t carry on like this!

Her night sleep is really good, and everyone says I’m so lucky and I feel like I can’t really complain but this nap situation is absolutely killing me. I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’m so stressed everyday. My mental health is being affected. When the app says it’s nearly nap time or she rubs her eyes I now just start feeling stressed immediately, which again I know isn’t helping.

I hate it. I love my little girl to pieces but I just can’t do this anymore!!!!

OP’s posts: |
FenellaMaxwell Sun 25-Oct-20 10:10:59

Ok firstly ditch the app. When you say her night sleep is really good, is she sleeping through?

FATEdestiny Sun 25-Oct-20 10:16:24

You could comfort her through the crying while she is in the cot. She will eventually go to sleep and thdn you wont hace to put her down (because shes already in the cot). Then over time it will get easier.

Loukifre Sun 25-Oct-20 10:17:47

She goes down around 7pm, sometimes earlier as her day naps can be non existent and she becomes so wound up. If she’s had crap naps she’ll wake up after 40 minutes crying which I expect and I can get her straight back down after. She then usually wakes once for milk at any time from 2am to 5am, I can get her straight back down after as she falls asleep herself, then wakes up for the day between 7 and 8 in the morning.

So I know I’m incredibly lucky. I thought maybe I should start waking her up earlier as maybe she was getting too much sleep at night? But that was a disaster and she was grumpy all day, AND I couldn’t get her to take a good nap so she just missed out on sleep.

OP’s posts: |
Loukifre Sun 25-Oct-20 10:27:00

I try continuously to comfort her in the cot. She just keeps whinging and waving her arms. Max I’ve tried it was half an hour. Tried gently holding her arms still as well, but she gets even more aggravated.

People talk about the hush pat method, but I’ve never understood that as they say pat her back, but she’s lying on her back? I used to pat the upper thigh which sometimes works but always after over 30 minutes of picking up, rocking, putting down.

That’s basically how she ends up sleeping now - we go upstairs, I put the light off, white noise, get the sleeping bag - she instantly starts whinging. Tried singing, smiling, shushing, nope, nothing works. Then I pick her up, and walk with her while I hum a lullaby . The whole time she squirms and whinges. I either have to decide at that point, whether I want to do 10 minutes of that, then put her down anyway and start pick up put down, which usually means it’s gonna take an hour, or I increase in intensity and really rock and bounce, which SOMETIMES means she starts falling asleep. About 10 seconds after she starts closing her eyes I put her down in the cot and she opens her eyes and starts whinging. I try and settle her in the cot, it doesn’t work, then I pick her up and we’re on pick up put down anyway.

She’s now just woke up. 25 minute nap. She’s crying. And I know I won’t be able to put her back down again, meaning today is now gonna yet again be a day of an overtired whingey baby!

OP’s posts: |
FATEdestiny Sun 25-Oct-20 10:36:31

What time did she wake up this morning?
What time did you get up, after she woke?

(Then I know you started nap time at 9am and she slept 10am to 10.25am ish)

What calories has she had from bedtime last night? Did she have night feeds(s), if so when we're they are were they fill feeds?
When did she have breakfast and milk this morning?

After her half hour nap this morning, when will you next start naptime?

FATEdestiny Sun 25-Oct-20 10:36:58

BTW - patting is usually done on baby's chest.


Loukifre Sun 25-Oct-20 10:52:49

Woke up at about 7.20. I get up with her straight away, get her changed, milk (I’m EBF and it was a good feed) then go downstairs, where she plays with toys while I eat, then I feed her breakfast. She had porridge and then some pear puree.

Went upstairs to start nap routine at 9.05, so about 1.45 minutes for the first awake window. Didn’t fall asleep until 10.

Last night she slept from 7pm and had one milk feed about 3am (which was around 4 really as clocks changed) so really she slept about 13 hours last night with one wake up. She drinks from one side at night until a bit drowsy. I then pat her back for about 10 secs, put her straight down (her eyes are always open when I put her down at night) and turn the light off and she goes straight back to sleep.

For next nap, I just don’t know. I just feel exhausted now and really questioning everything I’m doing. I’d normally follow the app, and because she only had 25 minutes, she’s gonna get put down earlier so I’d probably take her upstairs about 12, taking into consideration she takes so long to fall asleep.

OP’s posts: |
FATEdestiny Sun 25-Oct-20 11:17:17

After a nap of only 25min, is want her back yo sleep after 1h awake time - so much earlier than you are suggesting.

As a general rule, awake window wants to be double nap length, give or take 15 mins.

The mornings nap, after a really good night's sleep (11h plus a brief wake up or two would be considered a good night at this age - your baby had 13h, so a very good night) I would have stretched awake time to around 2h, maybe even 2h30 given such a good night's sleep.

Caspianberg Sun 25-Oct-20 11:25:24

Can’t she nap in pram if easier. Rock in pram, you can sit down at same time and hopefully she stays asleep so you can rest a bit

I’m no expert, but if she’s sleeping 12-13 hrs overnight, I wouldn’t have thought at 7 months she would be tired 90 mins after waking?

My almost 6 month old woke at 6.30am this morning, and was only properly ready for nap at 9.30am when he went to sleep in 1 min in pram rocked. I could have prob got him to sleep around 9am if needed by walking in pram a bit. But yes usually he’s tired 2-3 hrs after waking depending on how good his overnight sleep or last nap were. 90mins would be early unless he had literally just been having 10 min naps all day.

So if she woke at 7.20am after a decent nights sleep, going to sleep at 10am would sound about right.

Fatted Sun 25-Oct-20 11:34:58


I had one of these babies who didn't nap in the day. He would only nap when held or in his car seat (that I could put on the pushchair thank god!). He did sleep through all night though from 3 months on.

I gave myself a nervous breakdown trying to fix him. Eventually, everyone felt much better when I stopped trying and just rolled with it. I took him out for a walk in the morning for his nap. I then either cuddled him while I watched telly in the afternoon or we went out for the afternoon and he cat napped in the pushchair.

I never got a break for myself until DH came home and then I handed him over. The housework went to shit and again it got done when DH got home. I just got used to doing everything with DS in tow. Thankfully he was usually happy to sit still and play with toys while I got ready etc.

Caspianberg Sun 25-Oct-20 11:49:39

Oh yes and app drove me bonkers. We still have multiple night wakings and app telling me it should be less just makes me feel shit, not helpful

Loukifre Sun 25-Oct-20 12:01:33


After a nap of only 25min, is want her back yo sleep after 1h awake time - so much earlier than you are suggesting.

As a general rule, awake window wants to be double nap length, give or take 15 mins.

The mornings nap, after a really good night's sleep (11h plus a brief wake up or two would be considered a good night at this age - your baby had 13h, so a very good night) I would have stretched awake time to around 2h, maybe even 2h30 given such a good night's sleep.

I gave it a go! Took her up at 11.25. Dark room, white noise, sleeping bag, muslin cloth to hold and suck and rocked. And rocked. And rocked. Got to 20 minutes and no sign of drowsiness. I put her down and she just screamed. Left 2 minutes to rest my arms, then picked her up and tried again. Just no tiredness at all. So I’ve gave up on that one. Now she’s downstairs again playing with toys.

Happy as anything at the moment. Although the bags under her eyes are beginning to show again as they do everyday!

Yes I seriously think this app is probably just stressing me out more.

She doesn’t nap in the pram. She has very rarely, but I live in London and it’s very busy so something always wakes her. I don’t drive either so car seat isn’t an option.

Yeah, I def think I tried too soon for first nap today. But it’s so hard to tell as she screams when overtired as well and then just totally conks out which doesn’t help things as she’s not getting to sleep without being super stressed which can’t be good for her!

Yes, she’s the same has had really good night sleep from about 3 months.

I feel like just ditching everything tomorrow and just waiting for her to tell me, but in the past when I’ve done that she starts madly rubbing her eyes and hiccuping and when I try and get her down she super screams until she conks. Then it’s definitely only a 25 minute nap and the whole day will be overtired as I can never fix it. I get super obsessed with the first nap of the day as if I can get that in with about a 2 hour awake window and no stress, she can sleep for over an hour. It’s very rare! But it can happen.

OP’s posts: |
BaseDrops Sun 25-Oct-20 12:37:24

Could you try sticking her in the pram and bumping it back and forward over a rolled up towel or rug? You could at least watch tv while you did it and you wouldn’t be holding her weight.

OverTheRainbow88 Sun 25-Oct-20 12:41:12

She slept 13 hours woke up at 7; she probably wasn’t ready for a nap at 9?

You need to be more baby led and less app led. Go withy eh flow a bit more!

Loukifre Sun 25-Oct-20 13:03:08

I can't do this. So first sign was an eye rub at 12.24 so took her straight upstairs. Then hyper babbling during rocking. Then gets hiccups as over tired. These can last 25 minutes, so have to breastfeed to get rid of them. Then rocking again for 20 minutes. Finally get her drowsy but only after her escalating from whinging to crying so I had to do vigorous rocks. Put her down, cries. Try and settle for 3 mins but just really crying. Pick up put down about 5 times but she conks out on the last one, meaning I've put her down asleep. Meaning she will wake up in 25 minutes crying.

This is my everyday. I cant function like this. Im crying and breaking down everyday.

OP’s posts: |
Loukifre Sun 25-Oct-20 13:04:50

Bedroom is too small for pushchair. Could try living room next time? Will give it a go

OP’s posts: |
OverTheRainbow88 Sun 25-Oct-20 13:58:27

OP you sound like you’re driving yourself crazy over a nap. That doesn’t sound healthy. Maybe you need to get out the house, baby in a sling, headphones on and listen to music and just keep walking. Eventually baby will sleep
And you’ll get fresh air!

FATEdestiny Sun 25-Oct-20 14:24:05

Loukifre - most babies who don't suck to sleep will cry to some degree when going to sleep. Certainly they will until self-settling techniques are well established.

Given you don't use a dummy and feeding to sleep would be a backward step - then I suspect what needs to change is your expectations. Your baby will cry when going to sleep.

Rather than fighting to stop that crying, instead you can just accept it as part of going to sleep and not get stressed/anxious/concerned about the crying. Just comfort your baby through the crying (ideally in the cot) and keep going until baby conks out and so stops crying.

peachgreen Sun 25-Oct-20 14:30:59

I had a baby like this and it was a nightmare. Sympathies. What worked for us was me utterly losing the will when she was about 11 months and just putting her in her cot awake, going in to comfort her (patting and saying "sleepy time now, I love you, ill see you when you wake up") after a minute, then 2, then 5, then at 10 minute intervals until she went to sleep. It took 3 increasingly easy days and then she started falling asleep with no or very little whinging. At first she only slept for half an hour or so but slowly that stretched to a good 2 hour nap. I couldn't believe I hadn't done it earlier, to be honest.

YukoandHiro Sun 25-Oct-20 14:37:08

I've been there - it's so hard.

Firstly, is she ready to drop a nap? My little one dropped way earlier than anyone else and stopped all naps around age 2. We were on just one a day well before a year. If she's not really up for it, just skip it for a few days and see what happens.

Second, do you need to be putting her down at home? Does she nap on the pram/on the move? If so, what about if you incorporates errands/a walk around that time to just subsume it into that. Either she naps in the pram or she doesn't, but you've still got whatever you needed/wanted to do that morning done.

There's nothin worse then feeling like you can't control this - but actually, you can't. I've just had my second (12 days old) and I'm determined to be less prescriptive or bothered by naps this time

Caspianberg Sun 25-Oct-20 17:52:23

I would use pram tomorrow. At 9-9.30am take her for a walk. If she sleeps bonus. Sit down and get yourself a takeaway coffee

If it’s raining pop in pram in living room and walk around back and forth.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme Sun 25-Oct-20 17:58:32

Are you in lockdown? Can you just take her out for awalk in the pram when you think she needs a nap? My first two were goid sleepers and had no nap routine at all - especially the second who just had to fit around whatever I was doing with dc1 and essentially had all his day naps in the sling or car...

kezziethecat Sun 25-Oct-20 18:00:54

Can't you just go for a walk in the pram? You could listen to a podcast/ music and the cover of the pram up? Neither of my two ever napped in a cot - only a pram or baby carrier and it meant I got lots of exercise.

edgeware Sun 25-Oct-20 18:05:23

I spent months of DSs life walking him around in the pram for naps. Great fitness, would listen to radio 4 on the BBC Sounds app. He’s 2.5 now and we go for a sleepy drive - drive him round until he falls asleep, drive home, transfer him to cot. It’s worked for a while now. He can absolutely go to sleep by himself but it takes too long and I can’t be bothered.

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