4 month hell

[Tickly]

On my knees with DS3 who is 4m. Other DC were never good sleepers but DS3 was amazing and then bang, the 4m sleep regression hit. I knew this was likely but it is absolutely awful. Tonight he slept for an hour, wouldn't settle unless in arms until 1030 (up within 10 mins of every time he went into cot), when I fed and then the pattern repeated until I tucked into bed with me. Next to me he will sleep 2 hrs but if I move to cot he wakes within 10 mins. He's not hungry, he falls back asleep really fast.
How long does this hell last?!?! Did you do anything to help it.
We have a good and consistent bedtime routine. He doesn't fall asleep solo in cot but trying just results in floods of tears which I can't bring myself to do.

[Onedropbeat]

This too shall pass

Mine is 5 months now and also was a good sleeper initially until that 4 months hit

I’m pleased to say it didn’t last long and we e got good sleep again

The regression is far worse to manage when you’ve been used to good sleep

[Sciencebabe]

He's literally 16wks new. Get a next to me cot second hand if that will make him happier to sleep. Keep your smell near him. Go to bed early if you can so that you can last through the wake ups. Give him your time. Not only does he need you because of his age, babies are clingier when they need their parent to rest and be still. It's like forcing you to be with him for evolutionary survival. Your probably a really active parent with lots to do for everyone else and you don't rest as much as you should. He's also aware of his siblings and the competition, so he's learning to be like a baby bird, the one who chirps the loudest has better chance of survival.

[Suzi888]

It’s exhausting but it’ll soon pass. No controlled crying until six months
Stick to a routine, don’t turn the lights on or talk to baby at night. Just cuddling /milk/winding and that’s it.

[Tickly]

@Onedropbeat @Sciencebabe @Suzi888 thank you. I think I knew this but it is nice to hear it said. He is just in my bed but I'm going to get the next to me back out - was such a good sleeper we had foolishly put it away. I will grin and bear it. He is very sweet so it isn't making me cross - just very very tired! And totally agree no controlled crying - I don't have it in me.

@Onedropbeat how long was not long?!

[Onedropbeat]

The worst of it was 2 weeks. Improving by 3.

[MoorGirl]

Sending solidarity. We had the same, lasted 10 days and now back to going through/ waking once at 4ish for a feed. You will get through this!

[Tickly]

We are 3 weeks in but it is getting worse so perhaps this is the 10-14 days. I live in hope. Thanks for the messages. Day times are lovely at least.

[misselphaba]

DDs sleep changed permanently. From what I've read, this is normal. The 4 mth sleep regression is poorly named and is actually a development in sleep patterns.

Seeing it as another developmental milestone helps me to feel less despondent about DS currently going through it. "He is learning sleeping skills", I tell myself through gritted teeth at 3am.

This time round, I am determined to not over feed during the night. That was my mistake with DD - I fed for every wake up. She woke up 3 hourly which didn't seem too excessive at the time but certainly did when she was still doing it months later. I inadvertently taught DD that the only way to get back to sleep at night was by feeding. Not making that mistake this time. I am making a conscious effort to not feed for wake up and to only feed every 4 hrs, assuming he has had enough during the day. Before this, he was going 5-8 hours withiit a feed so 4 hrs doesn't seem too long.

With DD, she was feeding so much at night that she fed less during the day. This happened so slowly that I didn't notice until the reverse cycling was quite entrenched. I think weaning made it worse as she was eating a fair amount of solids and so wasn't bf much during the day - but made up for it at night.

Sorry for the essay. Summary: I think the sleep associations we teach them now are important. I taught DD to feed to sleep and deeply regretted it later.

[misselphaba]

Typo: I am making an effort to not feed for every wake up.

[sleepyhelp]

@misselphaba I could have written your post! My 4 month old is waking every hour and needs the boob to get back to sleep. It's exhausting. How did you break the cycle. We are considering controlled crying but I dread the thought of it x

[misselphaba]

@sleepyhelp how are things going with you now? Any change?

My 4 month old is waking every 1-2 hours so I by no means have broken the cycle yet. He's only half waking up (his eyes are closed) and he's trying to suckle but I don't think through hunger but as he has got used to feeding back to sleep during the night. That's normal for a newborn - they wake up, they are due a feed, you feed them and they go back to sleep. Except now he's no longer a newborn and he's not waking up due to hunger but because his sleep cycles have changed and the only way he knows to get back to sleep is to feed. So that's what I'm working on - he has to learn how to re settle during the night. It seems to be a different skill to learning to settle at the beginning of the night but I'm working on that at the same time so he's falling asleep in his cot. For now, I'm cuddling him back to sleep in his cot and patting him. We cosleep, with him in a cot attached to my bed with a side down. The plan is to slowly move away so he's able to go back to sleep without me holding him in the cot and then hopefully he will stop waking up.

[sleepyhelp]

@misselphaba sorry for the slow reply. Always nice to hear I'm not alone but not great you are waking every 1-2 hours nightly. Lack of sleep is no joke! After some tough nights we broke the feed to sleep cycle at bedtime and put DS into cot now. But you are so right it's a completely different skill for settling during the night.....nothing is working for that yet as DS knows how to break me at night when I'm tired. We will get there in the end hopefully x