Sleep Anxiety

[Jellytottheif]

This is probably going to be a weird one. Try to be kind.
I have an almost 11 month old. He’s always been a pretty poor sleeper. I’m still breastfeeding. Until recently he was only waking twice in the night for a feed which I found acceptable.
We have a routine whereby he naps in his cot during the day, he goes in his cot at night for the beginning part and once he wakes up after I have gone to bed I bring him in with me for the rest of the night.
This worked well, we co-slept completely from around 12 weeks, then after 6 months I decided he should get used to sleeping away from me sometimes and we moved to that arrangement. It suits me because it means I don’t have to get up to him in the night.

Recently I’ve been feeling really anxious when I’m sleeping away from him. I can’t fall asleep when he’s in his room. My partner has picked me up a few times where I’ve gone to get him when I’m going to bed rather than him waking. I think to myself I must be mad but I’m just happier when I know he’s close by.

I guess my concerns are mostly silly, like the baby monitor stopping working and not hearing him, something happening to him in the night, etc.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD following him being very poorly in early infancy, however I’ve got a baby monitor and I use an owlet, so it would alarm if anything were to be wrong with him. The alarm unit is next to my bed and is extremely loud.

In general I feel better than I have previously. I’ve had and continue to have therapy, he is a healthy happy boy, albeit with a few ongoing medical issues.

Where has this come from?

It’s definitely me and not DS - he is pretty laid back. Given the choice he would sleep in my bed with me but equally he’d go in the cot without fuss.

Can I get past this?

[SeaToSki]

I think you should probably try some counseling. It sounds like you are having a resurgence which is not uncommon after stressful situations, even months later when you thought you had dealt with it. Best to get help for it right away otherwise it might start to build and creep into other areas of your life.

[Happyhappyday]

Definitely sounds like you would really benefit from counseling, I had a lot of anxiety when DD was born and CBT helped hugely and is a great long term coping mechanism for anxiety. It helps you essentially reprogramme your negative thoughts.

Using an Owlet on an 11 month old isn’t rational, there is virtually no risk of SIDS after 4 months. I say this not to be unkind but to put in perspective the irrationality of the anxiety.