16 month old STILL wakes several times a night

[MDocherty]

Since birth she has had difficulty sleeping; she wakes, often hysterical, several times a night. She usually refuses to be held by me. We have tried several sleep 'training' methods since her birth to no avail. Needles to say, it has been traumatic for us all and our exhaustion- emotionally, physically is palpable. We have called hotlines, spoken to health visitors, and doctors. We're at a total loss and are losing hope. The thought that something is physically wrong is constantly looming; night terrors? Sleep apnea? One doctor thought she had a milk intolerance; another severe reflux and indigestion. Or that she's too hungry to sleep. I don't know what to think. Any advice?

[LemonLemonLemon]

How long have you stuck with the sleep training? Lucy Wolfe does a gentleish sleep method, but you need to stick at it for a few weeks.
It must be so hard to have no rest for so long x

[lighthouseinthesnow]

Poor you that sounds awful. Has nobody offered you any support? I thought HVs were supposed to help with baby/toddler sleep.

Have you tried a sleep consultant?

Will she nap in the day?

[MDocherty]

We tried different methods over the course of a few months, the longest being about three weeks for the cold turkey 'cry it out' method. There was such good progress with that for just over a week, then such a distressing regression of long crying sessions, separation anxiety, and a terrible sleep association. She would cry over 1 1/2 hours, sometimes vomit, then not settle until midnight sometimes. Needles to say, we abandoned ship.

I'll need to look up Lucy Wolfe; thanks for the tip!

[MDocherty]

We had a terrible HV who just thought it was teething issues and made me feel like a bad mother for co-sleeping. The advice was your general run-of-the-mill patronising stuff; yes we have a calm bedtime routine. Yes, we've tried a cuddly toy. Trying to explain we're a bit beyond all that has been so frustrating! Thankfully we've moved so a fresh start.

We've looked into sleep consultants but I've been skeptical- seems very expensive for advice I've been reading or have seen online. But we're so desperate! I've lost any sense of right or wrong or instinct, so maybe I just need to pay someone for that alone!

We're expecting another girl come Dec so I'm bricking it, trying to sort this out before then. Her naps have never been good either; frequent waking, lucky to get a good solid hour stretch, needs rocked back to sleep or held to finish her nap. Otherwise, she's up down and ornery as hell. Never taken car or stroller naps hardly.

[Bourbonbiscuits20]

Does she nap well?

[Bourbonbiscuits20]

Sorry I've just seen the part about napping in your previous post!! How much sleep do you think she gets during the day nap wise usually?

[FleasAndKeef]

This sounds really rough and must be totally exhausting for you.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for cosleeping- sounds like you need to do whatever possible to allow everyone the maximum rest.

Have you ruled out teething pain as a cause? Molars come through at this age and in my experience have been shockingly disruptive to sleep. You can use paracetamol and ibuprofen together (with correct spacing of doses).

Take heart that it is not uncommon for toddlers to still be waking at night at this age, and you are not alone, but sounds like you could do with a break. Are you able to let someone take over for a night so you can get a good night's sleep? x

[Jadey89]

I know this is old but I wonder whether you had any update that you could offer! My son is 16m and the night wakings are crazy. I sleep trained which worked for a brief moment in his life but nothing seems to work. He wakes up screaming, multiple times a night. He's not hungry or ill. He is teething but he seems to be constantly teething so not sure I can link it to this only and it doesn't always stop when I give ibuprofen. Did you find anything that worked? I'm so exhausted and my mental health is a mess. x

[MDocherty]

First of all, I feel for you! Are you able to get a break now and again? Do something for yourself? It's crucial for yourmmental health. Find something you love and stick with it. A supportive spouse has made all the difference.

It's traumatic going back and reading my post, but should be encouraging that my daughter has progressed (and we've gone on to have 3 more children!) I will also say-you are given the child you are given. There comes a point where not much will.makw a difference and they are born a certain way! So don't beat yourself up, you are doing amazing. You just need to survive. Whatever that is, figure it out and do it. We've done all kinds of bonkers things from strange sleep situations, driving in the middle of the night, you name it. Don't care what anyone thinks.

What worked best was working on me to be honest, and how I was handling it. My daughter is now 4, she still wakes in the night, but we can manage it. She is a spirited child - emotionally volatile, takes a long time to calm down, finds transitions difficult. The book 'Raising Your Spirited Child' changed my life. You will know too it's so much trial and error!

We start the bedtime routine at like 5.30 pm in our house, no joke. Everything is very stimulating for my daughter so no hyper shows or music. Water is her happy place so she takes a long bath. Weighted blankets have helped with sensory things, and comfortable.pajamas. she has something like porridge or cereal before bed. You will know what your child needs! Hang in there.

[Jadey89]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. You're right, this is the child I have been given. I think part of my distress is I can't understand why isn't like other babies, why he has to be so intense and seemingly miserable,which is not helpful at all and just makes me feel more resentful.
My husband has agreed to step up so I can at least get some rest and a break. Hoping this will help.
Can I ask what sort of sleep strategies you resorted to using? His screams are so intense I seem to lose all sense of reason at night and never know what to do.
Congratulations on having other babies too, I don't think I could do it! I need to read that book, I think part of me is worried my son will be like this forever.

[MDocherty]

I totally get that, and still have waves of despair that my daughter will never be well-adjusted! Bur changing my language helped changed my thinking about her. One day what's different about her (and your son) will make them highly dynamic people. It's just to the bane of our existence right now! We just have to see them through the other side of it. Resentment is normal, it won't always be this way. The best thing I ever did which seems totally counter intuitive was to have more children - that is where my daughter shines, and when I like her the most. She loves babies and is so helpful.

Sleep strategies - transitioning to a toddler bed and getting bedding/sheets your child picks out; a strict bedtime routine that is snappy; we got rid of a pacifier but it has really helped some of our other children; touch is important - sometimes massage or being held very tight helps my daughter, especially if she is distressed. It can backfire sometimes though and too much stimulation is off-putting. Figure out his triggers - needing the bathroom has always been one for my daughter. And being over-tired. Does your son still take a nap? Being over-tired is real issue for my daughter. We don't do much in the late afternoons for this reason. She really needs quiet, down time. I'm a parent who can't really handle 'crying it out.' I'm all for controlled crying though. A cry to me is a cry for help. The calmer you are, the calmer they will be. Easier said than done right! Breathing exercises and counting help me (and my child). I hope you're able to over come this!