Has anyone tried sleeping training ?? Help

(258 Posts)
Daisyflower12345 Sun 04-Oct-20 19:27:34

How did you do it ?

I really need to do something as I'm physically and emotionally drained!
DD is 14months and still isn't sleeping through the night an regularly wakes up. I'm so sleep deprived. Many have mentioned to try the Ferber method where you come in after long intervals. I just need to do something and this is literally my last and final option I don't know wat else to do.

Has anyone tried this ?? Has it worked ? Was it the worse thing ever ? Please any advice will help.

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Indecisivelurcher Sun 04-Oct-20 19:32:52

I did this for ds when he was about 12m old, as he'd got into a habit of being awake for an hour and a half in the middle of the night, every night, and was becoming a sleep deprived horror with a wonky daytime routine. It was effective and only took a few nights, he wasn't really hysterical at any point. I also tried this method with my older Dd though and it didn't suit her personality, I think it made her more mad and upset with me coming in and out, in fact what worked for her was leaving her alone for longer before checking in. I think like all things baby, it depends on personalities. God luck op, full support from me.

Ohalrightthen Sun 04-Oct-20 20:03:04

We did this at 9m, she cried for 1hr10 the first night, we went back in at 2, 4, 6, 8, 8, 8, ,8 etc minutes... second night she slept 7-7 and has ever since. She could self settle at bedtime already though.

icedaisy Sun 04-Oct-20 20:25:55

Yes Dd was awake every hour from birth to 14 months.

Used Ferber method at 14 months. Took three nights, sleeps 730 to 7. I then started it in naps about a week later. Took to it immediately.

For me, seeing the change in her development, temperament and health with a decent sleep far far made it worthwhile.

She was never distressed hysterical, she was angry crying, once I understood the difference I was able to sort it.

If you google Ferber minute chart you will find a handy image.

Daisyflower12345 Sun 04-Oct-20 20:36:09

Thanks guys I really appreciate your responses.

Only thing is I have tried this 3 times and failed each time as DD was wayyyy to hysterical and I just found it so heartbreaking. She was crying screaming and even on 2 occasions puked up.

I keep telling myself I need to do this as it's affecting me sleeping and her! It Also affects how I function during the day I'm so just so drained and tired.

I do want to try it again but this time actually go through with it. As the previous 3 times I last about 7mins but because she puked up I just gave up and rocked her to sleep as usual.

So just wondering if u guys have any tips of how to stay strong an what got you through it with your children any advice would be really appreciated please xx

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Indecisivelurcher Sun 04-Oct-20 20:38:06

Oh no!!! Can she self settle at bedtime op?

Ohalrightthen Sun 04-Oct-20 20:38:47

How does she get to sleep in the first place? Is she breastfed?


Indecisivelurcher Sun 04-Oct-20 20:41:11

Also what does your daytime routine look like?

I'm asking because I think you might need to start with tweaks to daytime, naps and bedtime, to make sure everything's really conducive to sleep and maximise chances of anything you try in the night working.

Daisyflower12345 Sun 04-Oct-20 20:47:26

@Indecisivelurcher She is being rocked/ tapped to sleep. I know it's not the best thing but it's been ever since she was born. Lesson learnt never again lol this is my first child an now I wish I never rocked! She is bottle fed an is on fresh milk so she has a full bottle before bed.

@Ohalrightthen So currently wakes up around 7ish and has her first nap around 11am for 2 hours. Recently changed this as before she was having 2 naps a day but I felt she can do with only one long nap. An then her bedtime is usually 8-8.30pm.

Sometimes she has decent nights and only wakes up the once for a feed but most of the time she wakes up 2-3 times and is awake for hours and I just don't understand why as she is only having one nap a day. Like for example last night she went bed at 8.30pm. She woke up at 12am so I gave her a bottle. Then again woke up at 1am so I tapped her back to sleep. Then she woke up again at 4.30am an didn't sleep till about half 5-6ish.

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong confused

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Indecisivelurcher Sun 04-Oct-20 21:06:03

Don't worry, I made that mistake too with my first!!!

I think you need to work on things step by step. In my experience, interval checks work for night wakings when a baby can already self settle. So they know how to do it. By the sounds of it your daughter doesn't yet have this skill and might need more support from you in learning it. Probably what's happened before is you've gone from a lot of input to get her to sleep straight to none, and she's got too worked up. So you'll have to try to do things more gradually. You might still end up at interval checks, but you'll be more set up for it to work.

Does she still have 2 naps or has she transitioned to 1? How many hours does she sleep in the day, at night, and what time does she go to sleep and start the day? I am asking because if she's not getting enough zz overall then she might be in a sleep debt and will find it harder to sleep. It's like a vicious cycle. If this is the situation then I would suggest putting her to bed earlier, but depending on your answers!

Once that's covered off, I would suggest you work on reducing your input to getting her to sleep at bedtime. You will need to stay with her at first. Your first aim would be to reduce rocking. Is she in a cot or in your arms? You might be able to downgrade from rocking to patting. Then from patting to a hand on her. Then try shushing. Then sitting in a chair next to the cot. Then move a bit further away. Moving the chair further towards the door is a method of sleep training called gradual retreat.

So step 1, reduce the input at bedtime.

Keep doing whatever you need to do to get through the nights at first, to make sure you're supporting her to get enough sleep or you'll end up in a right mess.

When she is better at getting to sleep at bedtime, her nights might improve by themselves. If not, then you could try the same process or introduce interval checks.

Indecisivelurcher Sun 04-Oct-20 21:07:14

Just seen that you said about naps, sorry! Did she sleep better when she was having 2 naps, out of interest?

Indecisivelurcher Sun 04-Oct-20 21:16:13

OK my opinion is she's not getting enough sleep overall. This can lead to the body releasing stress hormones, so babies / toddlers seem hyper and fight sleep. Babies / toddlers need a 12hr day and a 12hr night, normally. So the first step is being her bedtime forward to 7, if not before. I would suggest 6:30 bedtime routine and bed before 7. Then her body will be releasing melatonin and in a good place to drop off naturally.

At 14m she might still need two naps. If she can manage 1 then it needs to be in the middle of the day and for a good 2-3hrs. If it's not then I would try 2 shorter naps again. If she won't do 2 then you need to do 1 nap and bring bedtime even earlier to compensate.

I had a few months after nap transition with my ds where I had to put him to bed at 5:30! He was a classic if he didn't get enough sleep in him, he would be up all night!

Indecisivelurcher Sun 04-Oct-20 21:18:02

Ps this isn't your fault, I think it's genetics, personally. Non sleeping babies are sods.

Daisyflower12345 Sun 04-Oct-20 22:11:07

@Indecisivelurcher thank you so much for your response I really appreciate all your advice.

So yes at the moment she is only having one nap and this nap is usually 1and half hours to 2hours a day.
Even when she was having the 2 naps a day she still wasn't sleep good at all so I thought maybe if I change it to one nap that would help.

I did try an move her bedtime abit earlier but when I did I think I tried to put her to bed around half 7, she was wide awake around 2am an refused to go back to sleep. So I thought maybe 7.30 is way too early. Her bedtime a few months ago was around 9pm or 9.30pm and finally got bedtime to 8pm-8.30.

So when she wakes up at 7am I let her relax and play for like an hour and then she has her breakfast then after an hour or so she has her bottle. I play with her until 11ish and then she has her nap. She usually sleeps for like hour and half to 2 hours. When she wakes she has her lunch etc. Usually I bring her up around half 7 by the time she has her bath and changed etc it's like 8pm. Sometimes if she's really tired she will fall asleep quite quick in my arms but sometimes I can take up to 40mins

Also with the rocking I have calmed down a lot with that so what I tend to do is when she is drifting off In my arms I quickly put her in the cot and tap to sleep.

But I do agree with you I think I need to do it gradually with her. Like maybe stay in the room an shush her with my hand on her so she knows I'm still there. With the sleep training as soon as I leave the room she is hysterical an it literally breaks my heart I'm not strong enough to let her keep crying.

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ohidoliketobe Sun 04-Oct-20 22:15:19

1pm wake up through to 8pm bedtime is a long time to be awake at that age. I'd try to shift it to 12-2 nap and bring bedtime forward a bit - try just 15 mins gradually.
Sympathies, my daughter would cry until she vomited x

Daisyflower12345 Sun 04-Oct-20 22:23:16

@ohidoliketobe hmmm I guess your right. Come to think of it, it is a long time to be awake tbh. I will try that. Maybe bring her bedtime a little bit earlier and her nap time abit later.

She could be over tired so that's why she's waking up. I just hope I can figure something out before I lose my mind lol

Awww sorry to hear. Was that when u tried the sleep training ? Is she better at sleeping now ?

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NationalShiteYear Sun 04-Oct-20 22:33:49

My second was a horrific sleeper so I feel your pain OP. I agree with previous poster, it sounds like she's not getting enough sleep overall. Mine transitioned to a 1x2hr nap at about 18 months, but with 12 hours overnight 6:30-6:30.

We used controlled crying both for going to sleep and any night time waking. It is hard, there's no denying it, but the results are so worth it. DC now goes to bed very happily, might do a bit of an angry cry for 5 minutes at most, but then charters away to themselves to go to sleep. 12 hours straight through now. Their personal best for night waking was 13 times in 10 hours previously angry

Daisyflower12345 Mon 05-Oct-20 05:08:19

@NationalShiteYear Tonight has been horrendous. DD has literally been waking up every 10mins for the past 2hours! Soooo exhausted right now confused.

So how did you do the controlled crying. Did you check in every 5mins and then gradually increase the time? Also what age were your DC when you did this.
How were they the first night very hysterical or not too bad ?

I can imagine my DD would be very hysterical as she was the previous times. I need to do this for my own sanity and for her to get better sleep. I just wish it wasn't so hard

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Indecisivelurcher Mon 05-Oct-20 06:36:38

It's not a case of you need to be strong enough to see it through! If she's so upset she vomits then it's not going to work. With controlled crying the idea isn't to leave them hysterically crying, that would be cruel, and it would be unreasonable to expect them to calm down abs go to sleep in that scenario.

I think try moving bedtime way earlier. You tried half 7. That's not early enough. You need to aim for a 12hr night. So she needs to be in bed ready to sleep by 7 at the latest. Some babies will only ever do 11hrs at night but because your little one sounds like she's run up a sleep debt, then I think you need to try.

1pm-8pm is far too long for her to be awake. I would say wake time should be 5hrs tops. You can look up age appropriate wake time online, try the baby sleep site.com

I've had 2 crap sleepers so I feel your pain. I ended up working with a sleep consultant and paying for this advice.

Indecisivelurcher Mon 05-Oct-20 06:38:15

Don't be afraid to put her to bed at 6 if you need to!

And anything you try you need to give it a couple of weeks to settle in before you try something else.

NationalShiteYear Mon 05-Oct-20 07:07:14

They were about 14mo. Started at 2 minutes then doubled up so 2, 4, 8, 16

They were very upset, no hiding it. They didn't vomit though. In your scenario I'd speak to the health visitor about attempting it first. Good luck

Daisyflower12345 Mon 05-Oct-20 09:01:33

So this morning she woke up at 8.30am.
She wike up at 3am and was awake till 5.30. Just constantly tossing and turning and crying wanting to be picked up. I kept tapping her, she would drift off an then soon as I would stop she was up again.

So today I was thinking give her a nap around 12.30ish and hopefully she should sleep the 2hours and then put her to bed at 7pm bang on. See if that helps or makes a difference.

If she wakes up a lot earlier like she did the previous time an thought it was day time, do I just carry on putting her to bed at 7 for at least a week hoping she will eventually get used to it ??or try something new?

I'm just all out of ideas an I will try anything at this point lol

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Daisyflower12345 Mon 05-Oct-20 09:03:35

@Indecisivelurcher sorry just seen the part where u mention to try it for a week or so before trying anything new. Thanks for that

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Indecisivelurcher Mon 05-Oct-20 09:23:14

Give it a go for a couple of weeks. Think of it this way, what harm can it do at this point?

I expect she's getting fed up herself of keep waking up and not being able to get back to sleep, which is why she's upset when she wakes.

Daisyflower12345 Mon 05-Oct-20 09:29:14

@Indecisivelurcher totally agree. I can see she is so tired herself but because she can't self settle she depends on me. Bless her.

So at the moment il give her the one long nap which is is usually 1hour half to 2hours and then want her asleep in bed for 7pm.

Fingers crossed this should work.

Thank you so much for all your help I genuinely really appreciate it. You've been a godsend ! Xxx

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